setting the finale table: a SIMULBLOG...

There are only two seats available at the big show. By the end of the night we'll find out which of the two guys remaining gets to sit with the adults. And which one gets sent to the kid's table.

Third place is the crummiest of places, I think. All of next week's focus will be on the two remaining contestants. All of the previous ousted contestants have received exposure, going on the talk show circuit, finding audiences that might not watch this show. But number three has to stay home and rehearse for the finale. No Ellen. No Regis. No Today Show for the third place guy. And by the time his time is free for a chat with Kelly Ripa, they won't want him, because, well, he's the third-place guy that we forgot about a week ago.

Yea. Making it all the way to third, coming thisclose to the extravaganza, getting dissed by the talk shows. This has to suck.

But THIS is American Idol. And this is a simulblog, which means I'm writing as fast as I can as the action unfolds on the East Coast, so if you want to be shocked, now's the time to exit, because spoilers abound, snark can be found in the corners, personal opinions will fly and the show is about to start.
_____

The show can't even wait until the intro for the product placement, as Ben Stiller and the cast of the Smithsonian movie announcing that the AI desk is about to be inducted into the Institute. Ryan tells us that only one million votes separate the top two finishers. Too bad he didn't just tell us who they are so I could go to bed.

But they have more Coke to sell.

The Ford video has the guys turning into animated characters. The three sing well together, but I really think they've run out of ideas for these spots.

It's back to Idol Gives Back with Alicia Keys prompting us to donate five bucks. I didn't even miss Idol Gives Back enough to realize it hadn't been held. But Noah, the kid performing, is the bomb.
_____

Danny is summoned from backstage. We get to watch Danny's trip home to Milwaukee. The "Scream On" poster made me smile.

He is reminded of last night's reviews. And he's sent to wait.

Kris is called to the stage. The best part of his visit home to Conway, Arkansas? Cheese dip for life. I could handle that too.

Kris is also reminded of his reviews and sent to hang out with Danny.
_____

Jordin Sparks, the winner of the season I've chosen to forget occurred, is back in the house. She's looking quite lovely. Her new single is okay, if a bit redundant, but I hope it sells a gazillion copies.

Good for her.
_____

Adam is called to the stage. Most of the ousted idols are in the audience.

San Diego goes wild for him, especially the whacked out streaker wannabe who was forcefully removed from the stage.

He is reminded of last night's judges comments and sent to join the other two.
_____

Katy Perry is there. She sings. I don't care.
_____

The three guys are standing with Ryan, who wishes all of them luck.

First one safe is... Kris!!!!!!!!!

The second one safe is... Adam!!!!

Now that is a finale.

Danny gets to watch his funeral video as Underwood sings.

With no time left, he chooses You Are So Beautiful as his swan song.

See ya Danny.

And see you next week.

listen to the single...

Jordin's first effort, soon to be heard in supermarkets everywhere.

And while you're there, check out AOL's list of the top 20 Idol performances - evah - and tell me if you think they're on crack.

For instance, Daughtry's Wanted Dead or Alive better than Clarkson's Stuff Like that There? Elliott's Open Arms better than all of his others?? Blake's You Give Love a Bad Name over Clay's Bridge Over Troubled Water??? Pickler on the list but Tamyra Gray isn't????

And tell us if you'll buy Jordin's single.

it's finale time: a SIMULBLOG!...

The sixth season is over. Or it will be in about two hours. And the end is welcomed, but not before we are treated to whatever is in store before we crown Jordin or Blake and certainly not until we've critiqued and criticized every single syllable.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a simulblog, which means I'm typing as the action is unfolding with publishes at every significant break, so if you're not in the eastern time zone and you want to be surprised, this is not the place to be. But come back and rehash all of the happenings later. It looks as though the shoutbox [again] is down for maintenance on a results night, so please feel free to chat in the comment thread.

_______

Ryan asks if we'll crown the beatboxer from Seattle or the sweetheart from Arizona as the sixth season finale, the "night we've all been waiting for" gets underway.

She was just 17, and you know what I mean... It only takes three minutes to be reminded that she's just 17 in the opening duet. The show finally got the Beatles catalog cleared. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

And it only takes five minutes to cut to a remote performance by Gwen Stefani, because she has a new single out. Of course she's in an undisclosed location, so none of the idols is accompanying her, but this season hasn't been about them anyway, so why should the finale be any different?

I already am not liking this.

Coke thanks me for drinking. No problem Coke. I've been drinking all season.

Kelly Clarkson is home!! I love Kelly. Her new single not so much. But it's good to see her.

It's Golden Idol time.

Catagory: Best Presentation. Nominees: three auditioners, all of whom I have chosen to forget. But I do remember Margaret, the lady in yellow. Now I want to forget her again.

I am not liking this.

The guys take the stage, obviously setting up Smokey Robinson. And he takes the stage with the guys as backup for a Miracles Medley. I am liking this part.

After a commercial or 17, Blake gets to take the stage with Doug E Fresh for an all-out beatboxing competition. In the first 30 seconds Blake has more fun than he had in all of last night.

Golden Idol. Category: Most Original Vocals. Three auditioners. Don't remember. Don't care.

The girls take the stage, setting a place for Gladys Knight. I hope these girls are taking notes.

David Hasselhoff is [again] in the audience. Tissue alert.

Ryan stands in the audience to introduce Tony Bennett, who didn't get to perform earlier this season because he was sick. But I have to ask: Does Constantine Maroulis show up at every Idol taping? Just asking.

Golden Idol. Category: Best Buddies. Jonathan & Kenneth!!

Melinda, who used to sing backup for the Winans, looks splendid standing in the middle of BeBe and CeCe.

After the Ford commercial, the kids get their Fords. Can Jordin drive? She's only 17.

Carrie Underwood returns to reprise her I'll Stand By You from the Idol Gives Back special, but all I want to know is what the hell is she wearing?

Clive Davis appears and speaks. Blah... blah... blah...

After the commercial break, to recapture the Idol Gives Back experience, we get a return visit from the best part: the African Children's Choir. This time, though, they don't have to share the stage with Josh Groban.

It's SANJAYA!!

Then it's Green Day. Boy, do they have a tough act to follow.

After a commercial or 312, Taylor Hicks comes out of the oval to sing his new song Heaven Knows. I like the song, and I like Taylor, and I like seeing the old folk. But, considering the finale has historically been about the kids in the cast, and we've seen about 15 minutes of them in the past 90 minutes, this is quite probably the worst finale ever.

And with that Jordin appears, paired with Ruben Studdard. These two could make a hit single. Seriously.

After a commerical or five, Ryan introduces Bette Midler, who sings Wind Beneath My Wings, terribly I might add, and for no apparent reason. Yep. That does it. Worst. Finale. Ever.

Coke thanks me for drinking again. How do they know?

It's time for a tribute to Sgt. Pepper, kicking off with Kelly Clarkson, followed by Taylor Hicks, who introduces Carrie Underwood, who is joined by the women, before calling Ruben Studdard, who is backed by the guys. The kids are then given the stage. Very nice. Very very nice.

After a gazillion votes cast, after Randy says Jordin will win, after Simon says Jordin will win and after Paula babbles on, Ryan gets the sealed envelope and hands the Idol crown to Jordin, who sings her crappy winners song, but this time starts crying with the first note, rather than just at the end. Her mom cries too. Her comrades sit on the stairs at her feet until her last note when they surround her.

And that's that for another season.

Congratulations Jordin.

here's what we know...

The two-hour extravaganza begins tonight at 8 p.m.

All of the former Idols, excepting Fantasia who's on Broadway, will be there to perform. Green Day will be there. Gladys Knight will sing with the women; Smokey Robinson will sing with the guys.

Only the top three get duets, and Melinda's will be with BeBe and CeCe Winans. Beatboxer extraordinaire Doug E Fresh is in negotiations to will appear. Rumor has a Dreamgirls performance associated with Jordin's name, but that is squirrelly.

And yes, they're gonna milk the Sanjaya phenomenon, giving him, reportedly, a duet (and a short platinum hairstyle) with Journey lead singer Steve Perry. (You know how we love Journey. Randy worked with them, you know.) Aerosmith's Joe Perry. You Really Got Me with that one.

If there are more credible spoilers, here's where they will be.

this is it...

January seems so long ago, but in January May felt like forever away.

But THIS is American Idol.

Time goes quickly. And so does this show, as the last two standing battled it out in a triple songfest, each of them tackling the crappy winner's song, a redux of an earlier performance and one brand new, chosen on their own, number. They were a very evenly-matched duo, not the finest in the history of the show, as Paula suggested, certainly superior to last season's, but not quite up to Bo/Carrie.

Both Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis swam out of the Seattle auditions, the audition city that Simon slandered nearly a year ago. (Also home to faves Kenneth and Jonathan, who I expect we'll see tomorrow.) The winner, the first from a non-Southern state, will be crowned in the sixth Idol finale two-hour extravaganza Wednesday night at 8 p.m.

So, without any more embellishment or introduction, here they are, my early impressions, subject to review and revision and, as always, from worst to first:

Blake Lewis (This is My Now). Blake starts the song sitting in front of the large Idol oval, something I've never before seen, but even that isn't enough to salvage this song, which, while not close to the horrid songs of last year, just isn't a Blake song. I wish the guy, who looked uncomfortable throughout, had just beatboxed through the second half. The judges give him a pass on the song, which is obviously not suited for anyone not 17.

Blake Lewis (She Will Be Loved). I am not a fan of falsetto, and I'm not fond of Blake's. Simon questions his choice of song, speculating that it doesn't have impact enough for a finale. It ends well, but not strong enough to erase the weak beginning. Plus, I just don't like this song by Maroon 5 anyway, so I'm probably biased.

Jordin Sparks (This is My Now). Okay, so this song isn't My Destiny bad (I would link that reference, but can't bear to.) But it sounds like the clone of A Moment Like This Flying Without Wings Inside Your Heaven on a Night like This, I Believe. (Did I Make You Proud?) The 10 other Idols are each sitting in the audience, thanking their stars they're not up there trying to sing it, but Jordin does her best with it, crying through it, probably because, well, she's not fond of it either. Randy crowns her the Idol. Simon tells her she wiped the floor with her competition. That will either be her blessing or her curse.

Jordin Sparks (Fighter). Jordin is not Christina, but turns in a decent, if somewhat strident and rushed performance of this song. Simon reminds us that she's 17 (Thanks Simon; had forgotten) but calls her performance "shrieky," and says Blake edged her by a [straight and in her face] hair.

Blake Lewis (You Give Love a Bad Name). This was a hit with many during BonJovi night a few weeks ago, and I think Blake improved over that earlier effort, despite a rough vocal in spots. All three judges commend his performance prowess. Simon gives round one to him. I concur.

Jordin Sparks (A Broken Wing). Randy reminds us that Jordin is 17. (Thanks Randy; had forgotten.) Despite having difficulty understanding many of the lyrics, unlike her first round with this song, it really was terrific, better than the first time, but not quite better than the original, as Randy suggested. Round two is Jordin's most definitely.

So, who's getting covered in confetti? This season has been all about Jordin. She's been groomed, she's been pimped. And, though I think it's gonna be a close one, she's not going to disappoint the producers.

See you tomorrow. Who wins?

casting the finale: a SIMULBLOG!...

It's been a long four months, but the end is in sight as we kick off the last remaining kid before launching into that extravaganza we call the finale.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a SIMULBLOG, where I'm writing as I'm watching the feed on the east coast, publishing at every break, so if you don't want to know what's happening before it happens in your living room, this is not the place to be for the next 60 minutes.

Just be sure to stop back by later to celebrate or complain with the rest of us.

Homer Simpson kicks off the show in an improvement over Ryan, who reminds us that Elliott Yamin and Maroon 5 are in the house. We get the traditional highlight reel of last night's performances in the first five minutes before taking the first of the commercial breaks.

It's almost tour time, and we get a pretty cool promo with the top ten kids all remembered. (I had forgotten about some of them...)

Ryan sits on the sofa with the kids and lets Jordin talk about her trip home. And, of course, we get to see the highlights, always a fun time watching the kids get special treatment. And just in case anyone's forgotten that Jordin is 17, she reminds them, reacting every inch the teenager revisiting her high school.

Ryan gives Jordin her reviews from the night before before telling her she'll find out how America voted...later. Gee. Didn't see that one coming.

It's time for the always-challenging Idol Challenge. Pick A!

Time for Ryan and Blake on the sofa. And we get to see his hometown celebration, complete with limos, planes, screaming girls, baseball and a special dad, who knows the words to his son's songs as well as his son does.

Blake is joined on the stage by dad, before he's thrown off by Ryan. Blake is reminded of what the judges had to say the night before before being told to go wait it out with Jordin.

It's time for Elliott and his homecoming to the Idol stage with Wait for You.

It's the Ford Commercial, where the kids really are kids before climbing into the car. Very cute.

It's Melinda's turn to go home to Nashville. She got her own very special state day - not a city day - a state day. She shoulda lowered taxes. And she got her own street. Tennessee does things nicely.

She gets her reviews from the night before, and is sent to the waiting room.

It's too bad the hometown highlights were abbreviated, but, as is this season's custom, we must make room for visiting artists. Elliott gets a pass, cause he's a returning veteran.

Maroon 5 performs, and Blake is obviously itching to rush the stage and sing along. And obviously Paula is drinking again. hee.

This is going to be one of those results that really comes out of nowhere, because there is no clear indication of who is leaving.

The kids are on the seal.

Jordin is told to step forward and is told that almost 60 million votes have sent her through to the finale. She cries and hugs the other two. Her parents holler as the crowd stands.

Melinda is told to step forward. And she's told she's going home.

It's Blake and Jordin.

Wow.

She gets to see her funeral video to the sound of Daughtry and chooses to sing out to I'm a Woman.

So long Melinda!

crunch time...

There are three left which will turn to two tomorrow and then, in exactly seven days, this most unmemorable of seasons will be, mercifully, put to rest.

But first, as Ryan says, they gotta fight for their place in that finale.

It's the traditional three-songs-chosen-by-three-paries-for-three-singers format, despite a missing in action Clive Davis. Alas. No Journey songs for R&B singers this season, just a lot of salutes to prostitutes.

The judges choose one song, the "producers" are choosing one, and the kids get a free pass to choose one of their own.

So here they are, the early impressions and, as usual, from worst to first.

Blake Lewis (Personal choice, When I Get You Alone). I don't know if I don't like this song or if I don't like Blake's interpretation, but I do know that I don't like it. Randy gives him the meh review, and Simon gives him kudos for taking risks.

Blake Lewis (Paula's choice, Roxanne). Leave it to Paula to choose a prostitution song. But whatever. Blake follows Jordin, and as a result, pales in comparison. Simon calls it a cheap imitation of Sting, and he's right, although not as poorly-performed as some of Blake's numbers over the season, it wasn't at the level I've seen from him either.

Jordin Sparks (Producers' choice, She Works Hard for the Money). Oh good. Another prostitution song. Since they didn't put the kids through a pure disco night, the producers make up for it with this Donna Summer classic, that Jordin essentially sleepwalks through until the end. Not her best effort.

Blake Lewis (Producers' choice, This Love). Blake gets Maroon 5, and a song he can insert a little beatboxing into. It's far better than his first effort, but still a bit bland, but at this point I'm not sure if it's Blake, the song, or just my taste.

Melinda Doolittle (Randy's choice, I Believe in You and Me). Leave it to Randy to choose a Whitney song after preaching for six seasons not to sing Whitney. And then he chooses a crappy Whitney song. But whatever. It seems to take for freakin' ever for Melinda to get to the belty parts, and, until she does, she seems a little off, but, once she does, she's Melinda in the purest sense of the word. The judges are unanimous in their praise, and Simon gives Melinda a first-round win. I, however, give it to Jordin by a hair.

Jordin Sparks (Simon's choice, Wishing on a Star). Leave it to Simon to choose a song few people have ever heard of, much less heard. Jordin gets to kick off the night, in the cursed first spot, and sings one of the most obscure judges song choices since Mr. Melody. She looks quite pretty and rescues this boring number. Simon disses the arrangement, claiming he likes the "pure" version better. I've heard the "pure" version. Jordin got lucky.

Jordin Sparks (Personal choice, I Who Have Nothing). Jordin pretty much recreates her performance frpm British Invasion Week. It was a good performance then; it's a good performance now. Of course, Simon again has to question the age of the song, criticizing the 17-year-old Jordin for singing a sixty-year-old song, even though he and the producers handed her songs from over 30 years ago. But whatever. Jordin's 17???

Melinda Doolittle (Personal choice, I'm a Woman). Melinda brings back this number that she performed earlier in the season, but unlike Jordin who pretty much equaled her earlier performance, Melinda brings even more sass to this one than she did earlier, giving Simon cause to tell her she's the only one who automatically deserves to advance.

Melinda Doolittle (Producers' choice, Nutbush City Limits). After comparing Melinda to Tina Turner, the producers hand her this one, even though I would have preferred River Deep Mountain High. Whatever. Melinda is simply FAB with this performance. Simon says round two is a tie. I say Simon is full of it. It's a Melinda slam dunk.

Time to predict.

Bottom three: Melinda, Blake, Jordin.
Top two: Melinda and Jordin.

So...what's your verdict?

tuesday's songs as we know of them...

On Tuesday, as is done in all final three performance episodes, there will be no theme and no mentor. They will each perform three songs.

Each of the kids will chose a song on their own with no constraints (aside from clearance). One of the judges will choose a song for one of the contestants (which either allows the kids to shine or throws them under a bus). Clive Davis, with whom the winner may sign, will select one song for each of the three kids (which will allow them to shine or get hit by a second bus just in case the first bus missed).

Keep an eye out for this entry, because as we know (or think we do) of song selections, they'll be found here.

JORDIN

Personal choice: I Who Have Nothing, the song she performed brilliantly during British Invasion night.

Judge's choice: (Simon) Wishing On a Star (Rose Royce, Beyonce).

BLAKE

Judge's choice: (Paula) Roxanne (The Police).

MELINDA

Judge's choice: (Randy) I Believe in You and Me (Whitney Houston).

we're stalking them...

Okay, so maybe we're stalking virtually, from a distance, but it's always fun to watch the three as they return home to a hero's (heroine's?) welcome.

Blake has had a busy day and still has a big day in store. Here's some footage. And here's some new footage, courtesy of Buddy TV.

And it's Jordin Sparks day in Glendale!

But best for us, Belmont U is welcoming back Miss Melinda, and Jen is on the scene! (Thanks a million for the great photos Jen!)

If I hear the judges' song picks, I'll update. If you hear any song selections, be sure to holler.

they're heading home...

But they'll be accompanied by confetti and Y signs, not Chris Daughtry. It's homecoming week for the kids which is always full of fun and frivolity, unless the kid is from Los Angeles where a parade is confined to the high school gym floor.

No inside parades this year though, as Blake is headed to Washington, Jordin is going home to Arizona and Melinda is being awaited in Tennessee.

They're scheduled to arrive home sometime Friday, where a stop at her high school, Sandra Day O'Connor High, is awaiting Jordin, followed by a motorcade escort to meet the mayor who, presumably, will read to her a fax from one of the judges, announcing one of her three song selections for next week's semifinal. (My guess: Randy.)

Melinda is being welcomed by her alma mater, Belmont University, with a free homecoming celebration, following an appearance on the local FOX affiliate. No word yet on which political figure will give her the song news from the judges. (My guess: Simon.)

And Blake will have a busy day, starting off with an appearance on the local FOX morning show, followed by a visit and performance at a local mall (always a big crowd), and ending with a parade and arrival at the Mariners/Yankees game where he will sing the national anthem. Again, no announced meetings with political bigwigs, so don't know who's giving him the bad news. (From, my guess: Paula).

If anybody's in the areas and has plans to attend any of the events, share your accounts with us.

it's down to 3: a SIMULBLOG!!...

The longest series in the history of American Idol is coming to a close. But first we have to execute the historically-cursed fourth-place finisher. Then next week we can sit and watch as the three remaining kids are forced to sing a song chosen for them by one of the three stooges, one chosen by the main stooge Clive Davis, and one song that the kids get to choose for themselves.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a Simulblog, where the action unfolds as it's airing on the east coast, so if you want to be SHOCKED, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

And since the shoutbox appears to be "down for maintenance" please feel free to chat using the comment thread in this entry.

Ryan brings up the fact that fourth place is traditionally cursed and hints around that we may be surprised yet again as he intros the retrospective of the night before. Followed, of course, by the random person on the street reviews that none of us really care about.

Over 45 million votes were cast, Ryan tells us before warning us we're gonna hear from Pink, undoubtedly another of the Idol Gives Back taped performances that they ran too short of time to air, and undoubtedly one more reason for me to complain.

Once back from paying the bills, Ryan starts the hype for the summer tour, alerting parents of young daughters that Sanjaya will be live and up close and personal. I'll be curious to see the ticket sales for that.

Oh. And Pink sings.

It's the FORD commercial, an homage to Sanjaya. Then it's time for the mind-bending Idol challenge. Pick B!

It's a group sing!! Or a quartet sing, more precisely, a tribute to the Brothers Gibb that starts with significant sound problems, and I'm not talking about Melinda's voice. Will somebody please stop letting the interns work the audio.

Random observation: who lets Jordin dress herself?

Ryan is sitting on the sofa with the quartet to have a little filler chat about the night before. And the kids are reminded that the remaining three will get to have their big hometown celebrations, provided none of them lives in Los Angeles, which confines its hometown celebrations to high school gymnasiums. And, of course, that means that one of them came thisclose to getting confettied, but, alas, gets to run through the drive thru at the Burger King instead.

We then get forcefed another movie promo, this time for the Fantastic 4.

And - finally - we get to learn a little about the kids. Jordin is the only one with siblings. Melinda and LaKisha both had afros as little girls. And Blake got booted from choir class.

Random observation: Somebody please buy Ryan a razor.

After the break...

Big group hug precedes the reading of the card.

LaKisha gets her reviews from last night.
Melinda gets hers.
So does Blake.
And Jordin.

Jordin is told to have a seat.

And we have to endure the hype for a new "band" show before getting to hear Barry Gibb. And he decides to sing To Love Somebody, making him now the fourth person to sing this song on American Idol. And about third best.

Melinda is told she's safe.

Random observation: would somebody please put an intern in charge of Paula's audio.

Blake and LaKisha stand arm in arm. Blake is told he's safe, his family celebrates and he gives LaKisha major hugs and she, and we, get to watch her funeral footage.

She says she doesn't want to cry, but can't keep from it. It's always sad to lose one at this stage, after they've come so far.

The crowd stands for her, as do the judges, and LaKisha sings out to Stayin' Alive, even though she didn't.

So long KiKi.

25 or 6 to 4: a SIMULBLOG...

In a cruel twist of fate, we've been robbed of a final five, tonight watching the field trimmed from the top six to the remaining four.

Cruel.

But whatever gets this show moving quickly toward the finale is good enough.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a SIMULBLOG, where I'm writing as the action is happening, with publishing at every break, so if you're not watching and you're not in the mood to have the executees revealed before you're ready, it might be a good idea to exit stage left. But remember to come back and complain with the rest of us.

Ryan promises no filler (ahem) in yet another 60-minute results show that is about 50 minutes too long. After all, we must make room for Jon Bon Jovi, who mentored the kids this week (acceptable) and for Robin Thicke, who has absolutely no reason to be on stage except that he has a CD to hawk. This crap is getting so old.

Highlights from last night = not filler.

Random person on the street reviews of last night = not filler.

Ryan/Judges tit-for-tat = not filler.

Random questions posed to contestants = not filler.

Ruben Studdard pitching (on tape) Idol Gives Back = I thought they gave back last week. Why are they still giving back?

Commercial = paying the bills.

Review of last week's charitable extravaganza = so not filler.

Performance by Robin Thicke, #1 on the charts = another waste of a Daughtry, #1 on the charts for a gazillion weeks, visit.

Fantasia urging people to give back with Idol = getting redundant.

And it's time to execute somebody for the first time in two weeks. After the break...

Number six is gonna bite the big one in the first half of the [excrutiatingly long] episode, getting gypped of the opportunity to close the show, the least of the traditions these kids deserve. Oh well, I'm tired of complaining.

Melinda, Phil and LaKisha are asked to the seal.
Melinda gets her reviews from the night before and after a combined total of 135 million votes, Melinda is safe.
Phil and LaKisha stand arm in arm.
They are given their reviews, and LaKisha is told she's safe.
Phil is a goner.

He gets to watch his funeral video and he proves, once again, that prophetic songs are the kiss of death on this show. He goes out in A Blaze of Glory. Ryan Seacrest told Ellen DeGeneres this week that this is the first group of kids that really and truly loves each other. I think the scene after Phil's ejection proves that to be true.

So long, Phil.

It's the challenge!! Pick C!

Jordin, Blake and Chris are told to stand, but Jordin is given an early pardon, considering the crap that they put her through last week. Chris and Blake are told to hang on for the next 15 minutes or so, cause it's time for BonJovi, and we can't let the star wait for silly Idol business.

BonJovi performs, and I actually enjoy the song. Definitely not filler.

Taylor Hicks is telling people to give back. Where in the hell were Ruben, Fantasia and Taylor last week? Oh yeah. No time for them. Outranked by Ben Stiller.

Chris says he and Blake are best buds and that he'd even go home for him. They're asked if they want to swap the results. Both say no.

And with that Chris is sent home. He gets to see his funeral footage to the sound of Daughtry, but is happy that they'll all be on tour together.

So long Chris.

Next week Barry Gibb is in the house. Last time one of the Brothers Gibb made an AI appearance, we were treated to an abundance of BeeGees tunes. But, of course, that was season two. We'll see how the three gals and the beatboxer fare.

See you then.

Please, discuss.

idol saves the world, part II...

They're feeding starving children. They're educating the illiterate. They're saving the world, one vote at a time and tonight they'll pat themselves on the back and, presumably, top it all off with another execution, narrowing the field of contestants to five.

Because THIS is Idol Gives Back. And this is not a SIMULBLOG, in the classic sense, because to publish only to say that Carrie Underwood sang this or Kelly Clarkson sang that is redundant and, frankly, boring.

So I'll pick up the action when the bottom feeders are announced and, of course, clue everybody who's not watching yet into what the much-anticipated SHOCKER! is. And I'll reveal whether LaKisha or Chris is waving goodbye. So there will be spoilers, so you know the drill.

_______

Ryan, after majorly screwing up the opening intro, tells us we're in for the most shocking "result" in show history. Not an elimination, a result. And considering the camera can't stay away from Sanjaya, sitting with his sister in the audience, I'm holding onto my hope that Idol Gives [him] Back.
Melinda stands and is told she's safe. And considering she's the only one who could be a "shocking" boot, well...

And it's back to charity... Somebody wake me when it's time for the next "safe."

_______

Back to the couch. Blake is told to stand. He is safe.

_______

Phil is safe.

_______

LaKisha is told to stand. She says she's fine. And she's told she's safe.

_______

Chris and Jordin are told to stand. They're reminded of the songs they sang. Over 70 million votes were submitted. Both are told they're safe.

And that's what Ryan calls a "shock." If that were a true "shocker," we wouldn't have been talking about it all day.

The votes still count, and they will be added to next week's votes, when two of the kids will be executed.

Enough with the "shockers" already.

_______

I can't believe I wasted two hours for this.

finding the six: a SIMULBLOG!...

We're cutting the field in half, finally, just in time for the big "Idol Saves the World!" spectacular next week. Country night wasn't kind to half of the kids, so it's anyone's guess who's biting the dust tonight.

We do know, though, that we'll be clearing up any stupid idea that Simon was rolling his eyes at the Virginia Tech tragedy, we know we'll be hearing from Martina McBride, but we don't know why exactly, and we know that Idol will pull out its favorite "make one of the kids choose between his friends" trick.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a SIMULBLOG, which means I'm typing as the action is unfolding live on the east coast, publishing at every important break, with spoilers galore, not to mention typos and incoherent thought patterns, so if you live in another time zone and want not to know before it's time for you to know, find somewhere else to hang out for the next hour. But come back and complain with the rest of us after the show.

_______

Sanjaya asks Ryan why he's looking at him as Ryan asks "is your favorite safe?" See? The show wouldn't be the same without him. Sanjaya, that is. Not Ryan.

Simon sets the whole "I didn't disrespect VT" notion straight. And there's a Bucky sighting! Ryan says we're gonna hear from Fergie. (Why?) And Martina McBride. (Okay, we knew that.) And we get a sneak peek at Shrek III. (WHAT?)

This stupid one-hour result show really is getting on my nerves. There are plenty of Idols with CDs on the charts. Why can't we hear from them instead of Fergie? Hell, Bucky Covington's in the damn audience. Let him sing!

I'm not even going to dignify Ryan's visit with "normal people." Cause I gotta pee.
_______

The kids are "Doin' Alright" in the group sing. But it's a bummer because the only choreography resembles a high-tech round of musical stools. But sound-wise, it's not offensive.
_______

We find out what music the kids listen to. Oh goody. And we get to hear Fergie. yay. Now that's a country chick, for sure. I'd rather hear from Bucky or any of the Idol alumni. Ruben, Daughtry, Taylor, Katharine and Elliott must have had other plans tonight. Kelly will be here next week, and Fantasia, Carrie and Pickler have already made appearances.
_______

Pretty good Ford COMMERCIAL! Ryan's hyping the "Idol is the BEST" charity special. I can appreciate all of the marquee names slated to appear, but I might have contributed had they made it an Idol reunion instead. Oh well. They didn't ask me.
_______

Ryan's got the kids on the stage. And he says one group is the highest vote getters, and the other is, well, not.

Sanjaya is sent one way; Phil is sent the other.
Jordin is told to join Team Phil; LaKisha is sent to Team Sanjaya.
Blake is told to join Team Sanjaya; Chris is sent to Team Phil.

And Melinda gets to choose, just like I thought.

And she sits squarely on the seal. This girl's got class!

Ryan tells her to join Team Phil, leaving Team Sanjaya at the bottom.
_______

Hawking Shrek the Third. Hearing Martina McBride. Her kid is cute.
_______

The kids are on the seal, just waiting.

Blake is sent back to safety.

LaKisha and Sanjaya get their reviews. Over 38 million votes are sending Sanjaya home. He gets major hugs from LaKisha, and he and we get to see his funeral video to the sound of Daughtry, and the sight of Sanjaya's tears.

This show just got a lot more boring.

Bummer.

So long, Sanjaya. You made this season fun.

the top seven: yee haw!...

They're gittin' it on tonight, as Martina McBride stops by to give the good ole boys (and the ladies) some good country lovin', so strap on your stirrups and grab your hat, it's country night.

Because THIS is American Idol!

Ryan begins the final seven episode by sending good thoughts to the campus of Virginia Tech. We all join in those good thoughts, and hope the VT community is on the road to healing.

So here they are, my initial impressions, subject to rewind, review and revision and, as usual, from worst to first:

The Sanjaya List:

Sanjaya Malakar (Let's Give 'Em Something to Talk About). Sanjaya, complete with curls and bandana, says he chose this song because, well, he's been givin' people to talk about. There was speculation after last week's successful outing that his Fanjaya's might not have flocked to the phones in an effort to save the boy. No worries this week, as he single-handedly destroys the number and Simon essentially tells him the joke was funny for awhile, but that they're trying to find an American Idol. (Interestingly no one on the panel refers to it as a "singing competition.") That should do it; Sanjaya will be safe again.

And the others:

Chris Richardson (Mayberry). Okay, it happened. I stopped listening. I can't bear it. Incomprehensible lyrics coming out of a nose is not my idea of good music. If Sanjaya didn't have his own list on which he is both worst and first, Sanjaya wouldn't be worst on the big board. In fact, Chris may get his own list next week. If he survives that long.

LaKisha Jones (Jesus Take the Wheel). Cardinal Rule: Do not try to sing a platinum hit from a past American Idol. It's just not smart. Carrie Underwood shouting a song is one thing; she's already won. LaKisha doing the same is another thing. I didn't think it would be possible for me to dislike this song more than I already do. I was wrong. And she gets appropriately admonished, and Simon finally says what I said weeks ago: KiKi peaked in her first performance.

Blake Lewis (When the Stars Go Blue). Hmm. I expect more from a pimp spot performance. I'm not understanding Randy and Paula's gush over Blake this week. He was pitchy throughout most of the performance. Blake, though, has enough cash stored in the bank to withstand one poor outing.

Phil Stacey (Where the Blacktop Ends). Martina picks up on what everyone has known for weeks: Phil can't start a song. And he must be on the producers' hit list this week, drawing the opening slot. If any one of them needed a hat, it's Phil, but he decides to go au naturel. But he delivers his best, by far, performance of the competition. He effortlessly cruises through the audience and tells Randy that he's a closet Josh Gracin when Randy suggests he try country music, which makes me wonder why, when he's had the chance, he has forsaken the country songs. All three judges agree that it was his best effort to date. And, as Simon observes, it only took 10 weeks.

Melinda Doolittle (Trouble is a Woman). Wow, Melinda looks FAB, performs up to Doolittle standards and, upon the advice of Simon, accepts her acclaim with gratitude rather than astonishment.

Jordin Sparks (A Broken Wing). My new favorite, Jordin, who seems able to adopt and adapt to each and every genre thrown at her, decides to sing a Martina song in front of Martina. She says she's nervous, and Martina suggests that she plant her feet and sell it. Jordin, who might be the only 17 year old to actually listen to her elders, does exactly that. And blows the roof, the walls and the floor out of the song, burying memories of Diana DeGarmo's version three seasons ago. The judges drool, with Simon conjecturing that the teenager might just win the whole competition.

Now the tough work, with only seven left.

Who I want: Phil, Chris, LaKisha
Who should: Phil, Chris, Sanjaya
Who will: Phil, Chris, LaKisha

I think it's time. Chris, your fans will save you. Phil, you've escaped more times than Houdini, even after crappy performances. LaKisha, what fans you have might let you down.

See ya KiKi.

So, your thoughts?

it's time for a shock?: a SIMULBLOG...

I cannot begin to describe how I detest these one-hour results shows. The reasoning? They gotta give the booted kid enough time to sing the song that got them killed in the first place. Yeah. Right. Knock off the foolish banter or cut out one commercial. That'll be enough time.

But no. We must increase our time while our cast of characters continues to decrease.

Well, all I gotta say about this is: there BETTER be a GROUP SING!

Jennifer Lopez will make a repeat appearance to hawk her poorly-selling CD; it will be on the top of the charts tomorrow. We will get a FORD COMMERCIAL! We will get interviews with the kids, because we really haven't gotten to know them this season. We will get 37 minutes of commercials. We'll have to endure more appeals for contributions to the "Idol Pats Itself On The Back" spectacular. But we better not get repeat performances from last night by the bottom three.

There's a scent of a SHOCKER in the air, and most pundits, myself included, think it's gonna be KiKi's last stand. Dial Idol has everyone but Blake in dangerous territory, so it's anyone's guess who might fill the bottom tier. I wouldn't be surprised to see a LaKisha/Jordin tandem, if, for no other reason than to boost Jordin's stake a bit higher going into the final seven show. But I still expect Phil and Haley to be there, because, well, they've pretty much homesteaded the seal this season. They just won't leave. And since every bootee this season has been kicked to the curb in their first (and only) trip to the bottom three, it's unlikely they'll leave tonight.

But we can hope.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a SIMULBLOG, which means it's being blogged live, as the action is unfolding in the Eastern time zone, complete with typos and incoherence, published at each significant break, so if you're from another time zone, like, for instance, Botswana, and you don't want the bad news until it airs in your neck of the woods, you might want to check out Pogo. That Qwerty game is kicking my butt. But stop back by after the show to gnash teeth with everyone else.

Ryan kicks off the show with the expected banter and has a little fun with this season's whipping boy, Sanjaya. See? This season just wouldn't be the same without him. Sanjaya, that is. Not Ryan.

YAY! Group Sing! Very entertaining. But I'm going through group sing withdrawal, so anything would be good.

Skin alert Yellow. Haley's got clothes on.

Ryan tells us that over 35 million votes were cast last night, as Ryan takes us on a public opinion stroll, time that would have been better spent doing, well, anything else.

Ryan introduces the "first" guest. First? That implies more than one. This is not going to go well. And it's Akon who, I think, was the performer who tagged along with Gwen Stefani. That officially gives him one more American Idol performance than Brandon Rogers.

Okay, when exactly did American Idol become the Ed Sullivan show? (Young people, ask your parents.) That performance was needless and, quite frankly, annoying.

I'm not going to be a happy blogger tonight apparently.

FORD COMMERCIAL! The kids are Happily morphing Together! YAY!

Charity show. Charity show. Charity show. Yadda. Yadda. Whatever.

Phil gets reminded of his reviews, and he's sent to the seal.
LaKisha gets reminded and is told she's safe.
Jordin gets her reviews, and is told she's coming back for country night.
Sanjaya is told to stand, then gets a never mind.
Melinda gets her reviews and, shockingly, is told she's safe.
Haley is told she's back in the bottom three.
Sanjaya's told to stand. Then told to sit.
Blake is safe.
Chris and Sanjaya are told to stand. One is safe; one isn't.
Sanjaya is safe, and Chris is sent to the seal.

For the first time this season, the bootee will not be a bottom three rookie.

One of them is going to get sent back to safety. And it's Chris, leaving Phil and Haley waiting for the ax.

Jennifer Lopez performs, and that means potty break.

Well, at least we're going to lose some of the dead wood, so there shouldn't be too much outcry, pounding of fists, gnashing of teeth or death threats upon Sanjaya this week, because neither of the two remaining added enough to the entertainment value of the show to be missed.

Phil is told he's safe, and Haley puts up a brave face as she waves bye-bye to the audience and watches her funeral video to the sound of Daughtry. And she's given barely enough time to give her swan song.

So long Haley.

livin' la vida loca con jennifer lopez!...

In other words, it's Latin night with JLo. And eight will become seven when it's all sung and done.

Jennifer Lopez drops by to cheer on the kids and give them mentoring assistance, and, unlike many of the celebrities with CDs to sell, she seems really into this role and gives them, at least on the surface, honest to goodness help.

I don't recall a Latin theme since the disaster of season three, and, to be honest, I really hoped that the powers that be had shelved the mere idea of a repeat. After tonight, I wish they had. And, after tonight, I'm sure they will.

Anyway, here they are, my early impressions, subject to rewind, review and revision and, as usual, with the exception of the Sanjaya list, from worst to first:

Haley Scarnato (Turn the Beat Around). Skin Alert is Red. Very high skin alert, but Simon points out what the rest of us have known since the beginning of the finals. Haley can't compete vocally, but she's the best looking of the gals, so, like Sanjaya, she's playing what she's got. And what she doesn't have is talent. Vocal talent, that is. Yikes. This one was really bad.

Chris Richardson (Smooth). Okay, I've heard this song before, but I've never heard what Chris sang before. Thankfully, he was mostly drowned out by his onstage Carlos Santana, but I don't understand the unanimous praise given to him by the judges. I just don't. Understand. Don't.

Phil Stacey (Maria, Maria). My problem with Phil's performance, aside from the voice crack that made my dog whimper, was that I could almost see him reading cue cards for all of the passion that he infused into this song. He gets faint praise from the judges, but is certain [again] to tell a daughter story, just to touch a few hearts who, in turn, will touch a few phones.

LaKisha Jones (Conga). LaKisha continues with the unflattering wardrobe and attempts to break out of her comfort zone with a little Gloria Estefan. Breaking KiKi's comfort zone apparently includes sashaying from the deck to the big stage while moving her upper body. Randy slathers praise, but Paula and Simon give it a basic "yuck."

Jordin Sparks (Rhythm is Gonna Get You). Jordin continues the string of mediocre performances because, as she tells Ryan pre-song, that she would prefer it be 80s night. But tonight mediocre is more than acceptable.

Melinda Doolittle (Sway). Melinda draws the shortest straw and gets the lead-off spot. Jennifer Lopez tells her to pull a Haley and put on the sultry and sexy, to which Melinda cries that she's not sexy. And she's right. She should have caught Dancing With the Stars when they gave the hip movement lessons. Vocally she's typically Melinda, which is bordering on predictable (re: boring), but, for the first time, Simon says he's not impressed. Neither was I.

Blake Lewis (I Need to Know). Blake needs to deposit the golf hat in the nearest depository, but turns in a smooth, better than mediocre performance of this Marc Anthony song, giving him top honors for the night.

Sanjaya Watch:

Sanjaya Malakar (Besame Mucho). It wasn't horrible!! No it wasn't. At all. Sanjaya gets the pimp spot, grows some facial hair, curls the locks and stays seated on a bench and unbelievably, sings in Spanish on Latin night. And he sings in tune. Okay, he could have pumped up the volume a tad, and he could have showed a bit more emotion, but by damn, it wasn't horrible. Not at all. And I'm just gonna vote for him.

Okay now the hard part, because nothing this season is going according to plan.

Who I want: Chris (please), Phil (please!), Haley (PLEASE!)
Who should: Chris, Phil, Haley. I don't care in what order.
Who will: Phil, Haley (how much longer can these two escape?), and (goin' out on a limb) LaKisha.

Oh hell. I've called Phil for weeks, so I'm calling Haley so Phil might actually go.

C'mon. Your turn. Who's buying the farm this time?

from 9 to 8: a SIMULBLOG!...

There's a scent in the Idol air. And all the signs point to a surprise. According to DialIdol, eight of the nine are in position to get kicked out of the arena. (That's everybody but Doolittle and a real good way to ensure a great prediction percentage!) The betting sites are putting their money on a Gina exit. But this is the traditional week of the first SHOCKER. Could LaKisha be headed home a week or two early? We're minutes away from finding out.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a SIMULBLOG, where I'm typing as the action's unfolding so there will be typos and incoherent thoughts, so if you're in the West and you don't want to be spoiled, this might not be the best place to hang out for awhile.

Just be sure to stop back by and discuss the destruction.

As usual we are treated to the highlights/lowlights from the performance night before, just in case we have forgotten who was good (Melinda), who was bad (Haley), and who totally stunk up the joint (Phil). And then we get to watch 289 commercials, because somebody's gotta pay the bills around here.

Random thought: Blades of Glory looks like a movie somebody would have to pay me to watch.

And the kids have gone green with Kermit in the FORD commercial. Hmmm. Looks like a retread of last season.

Oh no. They're doing the three groups of three again, just like last season.

Blake Lewis, Chris Richardson and Sanjaya Malakar are in the first trio. (The Dudes.)
Haley Scarnato, Gina Glocksen and Phil Stacey are in the second trio. And Gina looks like she's ready to hurl.
Jordin Sparks, Melinda Doolittle and LaKisha Jones are in the third group. (The Divas)

The divas are sent to safety.
The three dudes are sent to safety.

And, just as I called it (along with every other blogger in the universe) Haley, Gina and Phil are the three lucky bottom-feeders.

Ryan tells us that we're in store for a "very special" live performance, carefully skirting the well-known fact that Michael Buble will be subbing for the sick Tony Bennett.

But somebody's gotta pay the bills, so we have to watch 2 hours of commercials first. (This must be why the results shows are going to an hour starting next week. Yeah. That's why.)

IDOL CHALLENGE!! Brain-buster! Pick A and text to 51555! Chicken Little!!

Yeah, yeah. It's Buble. I woulda preferred a group sing. Maybe when the show goes to an hour we'll get our group sings back, pointy-poses and all.

I really don't like commercials...

The bottom feeders are standing on the seal. Phil is sent back to the couch.

Haley and Gina exchange big hugs, and the judges try to make things all better.

Each of the girls are reminded of their reviews from the previous night. Both are looking sick. Just under 33 million votes cast, and Gina's told to get the hell out of Dodge. Everyone is stunned on the sofa. Gina is bawling, probably because she should never have waved goodbye before the two who stood with her on the stage.

She gets to watch her funeral video while Ryan holds her securely. I hope she doesn't throw Mr. Pickle into the ocean. And her song, Smile, seems sadly prophetic.

She shoulda lost the tongue jewelry.

So long Gina.

So, what's your thoughts? Please discuss.

the nine: it's TONY BENNETT!!...

Tony Freaking Bennett! These kids better know how freakin' lucky they are.

And it's my favorite of all of the episodes - the American Classics night (sometimes called Big Band, sometimes called the Great American Songbook, depending on the season), but it's REAL music with REAL lyrics (that mean stuff) and REAL melodies that don't need rollercoasters or curlycues.

And anybody who butchers the real stuff is gonna get stuffed like the turkey they are.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And as a rule, the kids treated these classics with the respect they deserved, well at least as much as this group can do.

Anyway, here they are, the early reviews, subject to rewind, review and revision and, with respect to the "special list", as always from worst to first.

The "Sanjaya" list:

Sanjaya Malakar (Cheek to Cheek). Tony Bennett says he loves the kid, because he's not afraid to do his own thing. And that's a large part of the reason he's still in this dance. Okay, so his vocals were off in parts and all over the map in other parts, Randy finally nails it that he's not as much a singer as an entertainer - an entertainer that's learning on the job and doing a damn good job at it.

The "Non-Sanjaya" List:

Phil Stacey (Night and Day). Phil says he's waiting all his life to meet Tony Bennett, who tells him to pick up the tempo on this classic. So, of course, he doesn't because Phil doesn't normally take advice. And all of a sudden I think I'm sipping a daquari in a Vegas lounge. Randy says eww to boos from the audience. Paula says he's a young Sinatra. Paula is obviously drunk. Simon doesn't feel the lounge vibe; he's feeling more like funeral parlor.

Haley Scarnato (Ain't Misbehavin'). I'm fighting to find something else to say about Haley's performance aside from the length of her skirt and the depth of her neckline. Give me a minute. Paula tells her that green is "her color." Simon tells her she has great legs. Give them a minute. Give me more time.

Gina Glocksen (Smile). Gina decides to begin and end this song on a stool in the middle of the stage, not that the song needs anything more. But her rendition could have used a little stage action. I think this is the first time I've called her boring. And it's the first time that I'm going to criticize the tongue jewelry, which, with a microscopic camera all but up her nose, would have been better placed in a tongue jewelry box for this performance.

Blake Lewis (Mack the Knife). So Blake plays a bit with the lyrics and doesn't slow down the tempo as Tony Bennett suggested, but given the lead-off spot, doesn't massacre this classic too badly. Randy uses the word "pitchy", Paula calls him a "kool kat" and Simon gives him a 7/10 while giving the band an 8. Me? I say a 6.

Jordin Sparks (On a Clear Day). My new favorite, Jordin, must have been in a hurry to get to the sock hop, taking very little time to break from the strict melody to interpret the lyrics. Randy and Paula gush shamelessly. Simon tells her she didn't make an old song sound fresh. I disagree with all of them. While technically good, artistically it was just too rushed, until the last note which lasted through the last several singers and into House.

LaKisha Jones (Stormy Weather). Just as she did with Diana Ross, whose suggestion she rejected, LaKisha disregards Bennett's advice to let the final note speak for itself. She ought to consider taking the word of two people with 80+ years combined experience. She fights through the opening third of the song, knocks it out in the middle and blows it with a cheap ending tag. But the judges fawn like they normally do with LaKisha.

Chris Richardson (Don't Get Around Much Anymore). The judges tell Chris that he made a old classic young, hip and cool. I hate admitting it, but I agree. For the first time, I didn't cringe during a Chris Richardson performance.

Melinda Doolittle (I've Got Rhythm) This is how you do it right there. At least according to Randy. She has FAB hair (obviously taking hints from Sanjaya), starts this song as a ballad then lets it loose in one of her best performances thus far. And she seems to have dropped the "aw shucks/who me?" routine, accepting the accolades graciously, even when Simon whines that they've been unable to be mean to her. Don't worry Simon, there's always Haley.

So, who's history? My track record has not been so good this year, but I'm not giving up.

Who I want: Phil and Haley. (Phil, because Haley gives me wardrobe fodder.)
Who should: Phil, Haley, Sanjaya. (Phil because Sanjaya gives me hairstyle fodder and makes people totally crap their pants every time he stays, and that's always a fun time.)
Who will: Phil, Haley, Gina.

Phil, it's time buddy. See you at the finale.

So...who's on your list?

the top 8 gals: saving us from stagnation...

The only thing I can think of saying about last night's guys outing is that it's over. Look up "suckfest" in the dictionary, and the top 8 boys' photo will be there. (Or if it's not, will somebody puleeze start a petition to get it inserted.)

We've been teased with a promised a big old-fashioned "surprise" tomorrow, aside from the visit by Miss Underwood, who will perform her new single Wasted. (Dang, I was hoping for Before He Cheats, complete with baseball bat being taken to the set. I never get anything good.) I suppose it's too much to hope for that seven of the girls make it through with four of the guys and the SURPRISE addition of Frenchie Davis to shake things up, make up for past misjudgments and put the fear of God in Melinda and LaKisha. Yeah. Too much. I know. I never get anything good.

As it is, looks like I'll have to settle for watching the advancement of Sanjaya Malakar, playing the role of John Stevens and Antonella Barba in the role of Jasmine Trias in the remake of season three.

Because THIS is American Idol.

But enough of my fantasies. Here they come and here they are, my early reviews, subject to rewatch, rewind and revision and, as usual, from worst to first.

Antonella Barba (Put Your Records On). Antonella is to tell us a secret, like she has any anymore, and reveals that she plays the violin. And then she proves that, as a singer, she's a terrific violinist. Simon tells her she's surrounded by some terrific "girl singers" and she ain't one of them. But he makes her feel better by telling her that her performance "wasn't her worst." It wasn't her worst, but it was the night's worst. As usual.

Haley Scarnato (If My Heart Had Wings). Haley reveals that she tumbles. Or at least did, until her knee exploded. She picks a safe song, sings it safely, despite a couple of flat moments. Paula tells her she looks great. Never a good thing. Simon calls it "horrible." And in one of the funniest post-performance moments I can recall, Haley essentially whines that she's a seat-filler, clocking in and clocking out, enduring Simon's wrath as part of the job. Note to Haley: that's supposed to make you want to do better, not just give up and phone it in. Don't be surprised when nobody phones in.

Stephanie Edwards (Sweet Thing). I think Stephanie has a ton of talent, but I just can't seem to get enthused over her song selection. She bores me. Randy and Simon call her out on her lack of "individuality" but Randy says she has the "yo factor" and Simon anoints her a finalist. I say if there's an upset in the making, Stephanie may be the victim.

Jordin Sparks (Heartbreaker). Jordin loves football, she tells everyone. And she loves Pat Benatar, so she can't be all bad. Despite a bit of an out-of-breath problem, because her level of energy never waivers (and never varies, unfortunately), she's better than all of the guys combined. Simon calls her shreeky, and he's right to a point. It wasn't her best; her best was two weeks ago. But she does enough to advance.

Sabrina Slaon (Don't Let Go). Sabrina recalls her high school journalism hope of being the next Katie Couric. She looks FAB and delivers a decent performance, one that didn't have me boppin' in my seat, but didn't send me running for the door either. I really don't like these song choices where the backup singers carry much of the load. Randy and Simon give it mediocre reviews, but all three members of the panel give her an enthusiastic final 12 endorsement.

LaKisha Jones (I Have Nothing). Holy Mother of Whitney, I am so incredibly sick of this song. I wouldn't want to hear Houston herself sing it. The judges slobber all over her, as usual. And, while she knocked this song out far better than the girl from last season, I'm too busy starting my petition to ban the song to evaluate further.

Gina Glocksen (Call Me When You're Sober). Gina introduces us to Mr. Pickle, her good luck charm. She's lost the matronly look of last week and is sporting the "edgy" look she was told to sport. She partially screams and loses control of her final glory note, but gets good reviews from the judges, specifically Simon, who makes her cry when he tells her he hopes for her to survive tomorrow.

Melinda Doolittle (I'm a Woman). Melinda admits that she has OCD. But she thinks it's equality. And, as if it weren't enough that she's already gonna win this whole thing, they give her the final slot to ensure her advancement to the finals. Like she needed it. She's a woman, after all, that's W-O-M-A-N. Randy tells her she's a pro and that she may as well chuck this competition and make a record now. Paula spouts platitudes and Simon feigns astonishment that the kitty cat they thought they had is, in actuality, a tiger.

Whew. This is going to be easy. And really tough.

Who I want: Antonella and Antonella.
Who should: Antonella and Haley.
Who will: Haley and Stephanie. I'm calling for the upset that's gonna piss off the world.

Please discuss. See you tomorrow for the announcement that will rock the world.