25 or 6 to 4: a SIMULBLOG...

In a cruel twist of fate, we've been robbed of a final five, tonight watching the field trimmed from the top six to the remaining four.

Cruel.

But whatever gets this show moving quickly toward the finale is good enough.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a SIMULBLOG, where I'm writing as the action is happening, with publishing at every break, so if you're not watching and you're not in the mood to have the executees revealed before you're ready, it might be a good idea to exit stage left. But remember to come back and complain with the rest of us.

Ryan promises no filler (ahem) in yet another 60-minute results show that is about 50 minutes too long. After all, we must make room for Jon Bon Jovi, who mentored the kids this week (acceptable) and for Robin Thicke, who has absolutely no reason to be on stage except that he has a CD to hawk. This crap is getting so old.

Highlights from last night = not filler.

Random person on the street reviews of last night = not filler.

Ryan/Judges tit-for-tat = not filler.

Random questions posed to contestants = not filler.

Ruben Studdard pitching (on tape) Idol Gives Back = I thought they gave back last week. Why are they still giving back?

Commercial = paying the bills.

Review of last week's charitable extravaganza = so not filler.

Performance by Robin Thicke, #1 on the charts = another waste of a Daughtry, #1 on the charts for a gazillion weeks, visit.

Fantasia urging people to give back with Idol = getting redundant.

And it's time to execute somebody for the first time in two weeks. After the break...

Number six is gonna bite the big one in the first half of the [excrutiatingly long] episode, getting gypped of the opportunity to close the show, the least of the traditions these kids deserve. Oh well, I'm tired of complaining.

Melinda, Phil and LaKisha are asked to the seal.
Melinda gets her reviews from the night before and after a combined total of 135 million votes, Melinda is safe.
Phil and LaKisha stand arm in arm.
They are given their reviews, and LaKisha is told she's safe.
Phil is a goner.

He gets to watch his funeral video and he proves, once again, that prophetic songs are the kiss of death on this show. He goes out in A Blaze of Glory. Ryan Seacrest told Ellen DeGeneres this week that this is the first group of kids that really and truly loves each other. I think the scene after Phil's ejection proves that to be true.

So long, Phil.

It's the challenge!! Pick C!

Jordin, Blake and Chris are told to stand, but Jordin is given an early pardon, considering the crap that they put her through last week. Chris and Blake are told to hang on for the next 15 minutes or so, cause it's time for BonJovi, and we can't let the star wait for silly Idol business.

BonJovi performs, and I actually enjoy the song. Definitely not filler.

Taylor Hicks is telling people to give back. Where in the hell were Ruben, Fantasia and Taylor last week? Oh yeah. No time for them. Outranked by Ben Stiller.

Chris says he and Blake are best buds and that he'd even go home for him. They're asked if they want to swap the results. Both say no.

And with that Chris is sent home. He gets to see his funeral footage to the sound of Daughtry, but is happy that they'll all be on tour together.

So long Chris.

Next week Barry Gibb is in the house. Last time one of the Brothers Gibb made an AI appearance, we were treated to an abundance of BeeGees tunes. But, of course, that was season two. We'll see how the three gals and the beatboxer fare.

See you then.

Please, discuss.

idol saves the world, part II...

They're feeding starving children. They're educating the illiterate. They're saving the world, one vote at a time and tonight they'll pat themselves on the back and, presumably, top it all off with another execution, narrowing the field of contestants to five.

Because THIS is Idol Gives Back. And this is not a SIMULBLOG, in the classic sense, because to publish only to say that Carrie Underwood sang this or Kelly Clarkson sang that is redundant and, frankly, boring.

So I'll pick up the action when the bottom feeders are announced and, of course, clue everybody who's not watching yet into what the much-anticipated SHOCKER! is. And I'll reveal whether LaKisha or Chris is waving goodbye. So there will be spoilers, so you know the drill.

_______

Ryan, after majorly screwing up the opening intro, tells us we're in for the most shocking "result" in show history. Not an elimination, a result. And considering the camera can't stay away from Sanjaya, sitting with his sister in the audience, I'm holding onto my hope that Idol Gives [him] Back.
Melinda stands and is told she's safe. And considering she's the only one who could be a "shocking" boot, well...

And it's back to charity... Somebody wake me when it's time for the next "safe."

_______

Back to the couch. Blake is told to stand. He is safe.

_______

Phil is safe.

_______

LaKisha is told to stand. She says she's fine. And she's told she's safe.

_______

Chris and Jordin are told to stand. They're reminded of the songs they sang. Over 70 million votes were submitted. Both are told they're safe.

And that's what Ryan calls a "shock." If that were a true "shocker," we wouldn't have been talking about it all day.

The votes still count, and they will be added to next week's votes, when two of the kids will be executed.

Enough with the "shockers" already.

_______

I can't believe I wasted two hours for this.

finding the six: a SIMULBLOG!...

We're cutting the field in half, finally, just in time for the big "Idol Saves the World!" spectacular next week. Country night wasn't kind to half of the kids, so it's anyone's guess who's biting the dust tonight.

We do know, though, that we'll be clearing up any stupid idea that Simon was rolling his eyes at the Virginia Tech tragedy, we know we'll be hearing from Martina McBride, but we don't know why exactly, and we know that Idol will pull out its favorite "make one of the kids choose between his friends" trick.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a SIMULBLOG, which means I'm typing as the action is unfolding live on the east coast, publishing at every important break, with spoilers galore, not to mention typos and incoherent thought patterns, so if you live in another time zone and want not to know before it's time for you to know, find somewhere else to hang out for the next hour. But come back and complain with the rest of us after the show.

_______

Sanjaya asks Ryan why he's looking at him as Ryan asks "is your favorite safe?" See? The show wouldn't be the same without him. Sanjaya, that is. Not Ryan.

Simon sets the whole "I didn't disrespect VT" notion straight. And there's a Bucky sighting! Ryan says we're gonna hear from Fergie. (Why?) And Martina McBride. (Okay, we knew that.) And we get a sneak peek at Shrek III. (WHAT?)

This stupid one-hour result show really is getting on my nerves. There are plenty of Idols with CDs on the charts. Why can't we hear from them instead of Fergie? Hell, Bucky Covington's in the damn audience. Let him sing!

I'm not even going to dignify Ryan's visit with "normal people." Cause I gotta pee.
_______

The kids are "Doin' Alright" in the group sing. But it's a bummer because the only choreography resembles a high-tech round of musical stools. But sound-wise, it's not offensive.
_______

We find out what music the kids listen to. Oh goody. And we get to hear Fergie. yay. Now that's a country chick, for sure. I'd rather hear from Bucky or any of the Idol alumni. Ruben, Daughtry, Taylor, Katharine and Elliott must have had other plans tonight. Kelly will be here next week, and Fantasia, Carrie and Pickler have already made appearances.
_______

Pretty good Ford COMMERCIAL! Ryan's hyping the "Idol is the BEST" charity special. I can appreciate all of the marquee names slated to appear, but I might have contributed had they made it an Idol reunion instead. Oh well. They didn't ask me.
_______

Ryan's got the kids on the stage. And he says one group is the highest vote getters, and the other is, well, not.

Sanjaya is sent one way; Phil is sent the other.
Jordin is told to join Team Phil; LaKisha is sent to Team Sanjaya.
Blake is told to join Team Sanjaya; Chris is sent to Team Phil.

And Melinda gets to choose, just like I thought.

And she sits squarely on the seal. This girl's got class!

Ryan tells her to join Team Phil, leaving Team Sanjaya at the bottom.
_______

Hawking Shrek the Third. Hearing Martina McBride. Her kid is cute.
_______

The kids are on the seal, just waiting.

Blake is sent back to safety.

LaKisha and Sanjaya get their reviews. Over 38 million votes are sending Sanjaya home. He gets major hugs from LaKisha, and he and we get to see his funeral video to the sound of Daughtry, and the sight of Sanjaya's tears.

This show just got a lot more boring.

Bummer.

So long, Sanjaya. You made this season fun.

the top seven: yee haw!...

They're gittin' it on tonight, as Martina McBride stops by to give the good ole boys (and the ladies) some good country lovin', so strap on your stirrups and grab your hat, it's country night.

Because THIS is American Idol!

Ryan begins the final seven episode by sending good thoughts to the campus of Virginia Tech. We all join in those good thoughts, and hope the VT community is on the road to healing.

So here they are, my initial impressions, subject to rewind, review and revision and, as usual, from worst to first:

The Sanjaya List:

Sanjaya Malakar (Let's Give 'Em Something to Talk About). Sanjaya, complete with curls and bandana, says he chose this song because, well, he's been givin' people to talk about. There was speculation after last week's successful outing that his Fanjaya's might not have flocked to the phones in an effort to save the boy. No worries this week, as he single-handedly destroys the number and Simon essentially tells him the joke was funny for awhile, but that they're trying to find an American Idol. (Interestingly no one on the panel refers to it as a "singing competition.") That should do it; Sanjaya will be safe again.

And the others:

Chris Richardson (Mayberry). Okay, it happened. I stopped listening. I can't bear it. Incomprehensible lyrics coming out of a nose is not my idea of good music. If Sanjaya didn't have his own list on which he is both worst and first, Sanjaya wouldn't be worst on the big board. In fact, Chris may get his own list next week. If he survives that long.

LaKisha Jones (Jesus Take the Wheel). Cardinal Rule: Do not try to sing a platinum hit from a past American Idol. It's just not smart. Carrie Underwood shouting a song is one thing; she's already won. LaKisha doing the same is another thing. I didn't think it would be possible for me to dislike this song more than I already do. I was wrong. And she gets appropriately admonished, and Simon finally says what I said weeks ago: KiKi peaked in her first performance.

Blake Lewis (When the Stars Go Blue). Hmm. I expect more from a pimp spot performance. I'm not understanding Randy and Paula's gush over Blake this week. He was pitchy throughout most of the performance. Blake, though, has enough cash stored in the bank to withstand one poor outing.

Phil Stacey (Where the Blacktop Ends). Martina picks up on what everyone has known for weeks: Phil can't start a song. And he must be on the producers' hit list this week, drawing the opening slot. If any one of them needed a hat, it's Phil, but he decides to go au naturel. But he delivers his best, by far, performance of the competition. He effortlessly cruises through the audience and tells Randy that he's a closet Josh Gracin when Randy suggests he try country music, which makes me wonder why, when he's had the chance, he has forsaken the country songs. All three judges agree that it was his best effort to date. And, as Simon observes, it only took 10 weeks.

Melinda Doolittle (Trouble is a Woman). Wow, Melinda looks FAB, performs up to Doolittle standards and, upon the advice of Simon, accepts her acclaim with gratitude rather than astonishment.

Jordin Sparks (A Broken Wing). My new favorite, Jordin, who seems able to adopt and adapt to each and every genre thrown at her, decides to sing a Martina song in front of Martina. She says she's nervous, and Martina suggests that she plant her feet and sell it. Jordin, who might be the only 17 year old to actually listen to her elders, does exactly that. And blows the roof, the walls and the floor out of the song, burying memories of Diana DeGarmo's version three seasons ago. The judges drool, with Simon conjecturing that the teenager might just win the whole competition.

Now the tough work, with only seven left.

Who I want: Phil, Chris, LaKisha
Who should: Phil, Chris, Sanjaya
Who will: Phil, Chris, LaKisha

I think it's time. Chris, your fans will save you. Phil, you've escaped more times than Houdini, even after crappy performances. LaKisha, what fans you have might let you down.

See ya KiKi.

So, your thoughts?

it's time for a shock?: a SIMULBLOG...

I cannot begin to describe how I detest these one-hour results shows. The reasoning? They gotta give the booted kid enough time to sing the song that got them killed in the first place. Yeah. Right. Knock off the foolish banter or cut out one commercial. That'll be enough time.

But no. We must increase our time while our cast of characters continues to decrease.

Well, all I gotta say about this is: there BETTER be a GROUP SING!

Jennifer Lopez will make a repeat appearance to hawk her poorly-selling CD; it will be on the top of the charts tomorrow. We will get a FORD COMMERCIAL! We will get interviews with the kids, because we really haven't gotten to know them this season. We will get 37 minutes of commercials. We'll have to endure more appeals for contributions to the "Idol Pats Itself On The Back" spectacular. But we better not get repeat performances from last night by the bottom three.

There's a scent of a SHOCKER in the air, and most pundits, myself included, think it's gonna be KiKi's last stand. Dial Idol has everyone but Blake in dangerous territory, so it's anyone's guess who might fill the bottom tier. I wouldn't be surprised to see a LaKisha/Jordin tandem, if, for no other reason than to boost Jordin's stake a bit higher going into the final seven show. But I still expect Phil and Haley to be there, because, well, they've pretty much homesteaded the seal this season. They just won't leave. And since every bootee this season has been kicked to the curb in their first (and only) trip to the bottom three, it's unlikely they'll leave tonight.

But we can hope.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a SIMULBLOG, which means it's being blogged live, as the action is unfolding in the Eastern time zone, complete with typos and incoherence, published at each significant break, so if you're from another time zone, like, for instance, Botswana, and you don't want the bad news until it airs in your neck of the woods, you might want to check out Pogo. That Qwerty game is kicking my butt. But stop back by after the show to gnash teeth with everyone else.

Ryan kicks off the show with the expected banter and has a little fun with this season's whipping boy, Sanjaya. See? This season just wouldn't be the same without him. Sanjaya, that is. Not Ryan.

YAY! Group Sing! Very entertaining. But I'm going through group sing withdrawal, so anything would be good.

Skin alert Yellow. Haley's got clothes on.

Ryan tells us that over 35 million votes were cast last night, as Ryan takes us on a public opinion stroll, time that would have been better spent doing, well, anything else.

Ryan introduces the "first" guest. First? That implies more than one. This is not going to go well. And it's Akon who, I think, was the performer who tagged along with Gwen Stefani. That officially gives him one more American Idol performance than Brandon Rogers.

Okay, when exactly did American Idol become the Ed Sullivan show? (Young people, ask your parents.) That performance was needless and, quite frankly, annoying.

I'm not going to be a happy blogger tonight apparently.

FORD COMMERCIAL! The kids are Happily morphing Together! YAY!

Charity show. Charity show. Charity show. Yadda. Yadda. Whatever.

Phil gets reminded of his reviews, and he's sent to the seal.
LaKisha gets reminded and is told she's safe.
Jordin gets her reviews, and is told she's coming back for country night.
Sanjaya is told to stand, then gets a never mind.
Melinda gets her reviews and, shockingly, is told she's safe.
Haley is told she's back in the bottom three.
Sanjaya's told to stand. Then told to sit.
Blake is safe.
Chris and Sanjaya are told to stand. One is safe; one isn't.
Sanjaya is safe, and Chris is sent to the seal.

For the first time this season, the bootee will not be a bottom three rookie.

One of them is going to get sent back to safety. And it's Chris, leaving Phil and Haley waiting for the ax.

Jennifer Lopez performs, and that means potty break.

Well, at least we're going to lose some of the dead wood, so there shouldn't be too much outcry, pounding of fists, gnashing of teeth or death threats upon Sanjaya this week, because neither of the two remaining added enough to the entertainment value of the show to be missed.

Phil is told he's safe, and Haley puts up a brave face as she waves bye-bye to the audience and watches her funeral video to the sound of Daughtry. And she's given barely enough time to give her swan song.

So long Haley.

livin' la vida loca con jennifer lopez!...

In other words, it's Latin night with JLo. And eight will become seven when it's all sung and done.

Jennifer Lopez drops by to cheer on the kids and give them mentoring assistance, and, unlike many of the celebrities with CDs to sell, she seems really into this role and gives them, at least on the surface, honest to goodness help.

I don't recall a Latin theme since the disaster of season three, and, to be honest, I really hoped that the powers that be had shelved the mere idea of a repeat. After tonight, I wish they had. And, after tonight, I'm sure they will.

Anyway, here they are, my early impressions, subject to rewind, review and revision and, as usual, with the exception of the Sanjaya list, from worst to first:

Haley Scarnato (Turn the Beat Around). Skin Alert is Red. Very high skin alert, but Simon points out what the rest of us have known since the beginning of the finals. Haley can't compete vocally, but she's the best looking of the gals, so, like Sanjaya, she's playing what she's got. And what she doesn't have is talent. Vocal talent, that is. Yikes. This one was really bad.

Chris Richardson (Smooth). Okay, I've heard this song before, but I've never heard what Chris sang before. Thankfully, he was mostly drowned out by his onstage Carlos Santana, but I don't understand the unanimous praise given to him by the judges. I just don't. Understand. Don't.

Phil Stacey (Maria, Maria). My problem with Phil's performance, aside from the voice crack that made my dog whimper, was that I could almost see him reading cue cards for all of the passion that he infused into this song. He gets faint praise from the judges, but is certain [again] to tell a daughter story, just to touch a few hearts who, in turn, will touch a few phones.

LaKisha Jones (Conga). LaKisha continues with the unflattering wardrobe and attempts to break out of her comfort zone with a little Gloria Estefan. Breaking KiKi's comfort zone apparently includes sashaying from the deck to the big stage while moving her upper body. Randy slathers praise, but Paula and Simon give it a basic "yuck."

Jordin Sparks (Rhythm is Gonna Get You). Jordin continues the string of mediocre performances because, as she tells Ryan pre-song, that she would prefer it be 80s night. But tonight mediocre is more than acceptable.

Melinda Doolittle (Sway). Melinda draws the shortest straw and gets the lead-off spot. Jennifer Lopez tells her to pull a Haley and put on the sultry and sexy, to which Melinda cries that she's not sexy. And she's right. She should have caught Dancing With the Stars when they gave the hip movement lessons. Vocally she's typically Melinda, which is bordering on predictable (re: boring), but, for the first time, Simon says he's not impressed. Neither was I.

Blake Lewis (I Need to Know). Blake needs to deposit the golf hat in the nearest depository, but turns in a smooth, better than mediocre performance of this Marc Anthony song, giving him top honors for the night.

Sanjaya Watch:

Sanjaya Malakar (Besame Mucho). It wasn't horrible!! No it wasn't. At all. Sanjaya gets the pimp spot, grows some facial hair, curls the locks and stays seated on a bench and unbelievably, sings in Spanish on Latin night. And he sings in tune. Okay, he could have pumped up the volume a tad, and he could have showed a bit more emotion, but by damn, it wasn't horrible. Not at all. And I'm just gonna vote for him.

Okay now the hard part, because nothing this season is going according to plan.

Who I want: Chris (please), Phil (please!), Haley (PLEASE!)
Who should: Chris, Phil, Haley. I don't care in what order.
Who will: Phil, Haley (how much longer can these two escape?), and (goin' out on a limb) LaKisha.

Oh hell. I've called Phil for weeks, so I'm calling Haley so Phil might actually go.

C'mon. Your turn. Who's buying the farm this time?

from 9 to 8: a SIMULBLOG!...

There's a scent in the Idol air. And all the signs point to a surprise. According to DialIdol, eight of the nine are in position to get kicked out of the arena. (That's everybody but Doolittle and a real good way to ensure a great prediction percentage!) The betting sites are putting their money on a Gina exit. But this is the traditional week of the first SHOCKER. Could LaKisha be headed home a week or two early? We're minutes away from finding out.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a SIMULBLOG, where I'm typing as the action's unfolding so there will be typos and incoherent thoughts, so if you're in the West and you don't want to be spoiled, this might not be the best place to hang out for awhile.

Just be sure to stop back by and discuss the destruction.

As usual we are treated to the highlights/lowlights from the performance night before, just in case we have forgotten who was good (Melinda), who was bad (Haley), and who totally stunk up the joint (Phil). And then we get to watch 289 commercials, because somebody's gotta pay the bills around here.

Random thought: Blades of Glory looks like a movie somebody would have to pay me to watch.

And the kids have gone green with Kermit in the FORD commercial. Hmmm. Looks like a retread of last season.

Oh no. They're doing the three groups of three again, just like last season.

Blake Lewis, Chris Richardson and Sanjaya Malakar are in the first trio. (The Dudes.)
Haley Scarnato, Gina Glocksen and Phil Stacey are in the second trio. And Gina looks like she's ready to hurl.
Jordin Sparks, Melinda Doolittle and LaKisha Jones are in the third group. (The Divas)

The divas are sent to safety.
The three dudes are sent to safety.

And, just as I called it (along with every other blogger in the universe) Haley, Gina and Phil are the three lucky bottom-feeders.

Ryan tells us that we're in store for a "very special" live performance, carefully skirting the well-known fact that Michael Buble will be subbing for the sick Tony Bennett.

But somebody's gotta pay the bills, so we have to watch 2 hours of commercials first. (This must be why the results shows are going to an hour starting next week. Yeah. That's why.)

IDOL CHALLENGE!! Brain-buster! Pick A and text to 51555! Chicken Little!!

Yeah, yeah. It's Buble. I woulda preferred a group sing. Maybe when the show goes to an hour we'll get our group sings back, pointy-poses and all.

I really don't like commercials...

The bottom feeders are standing on the seal. Phil is sent back to the couch.

Haley and Gina exchange big hugs, and the judges try to make things all better.

Each of the girls are reminded of their reviews from the previous night. Both are looking sick. Just under 33 million votes cast, and Gina's told to get the hell out of Dodge. Everyone is stunned on the sofa. Gina is bawling, probably because she should never have waved goodbye before the two who stood with her on the stage.

She gets to watch her funeral video while Ryan holds her securely. I hope she doesn't throw Mr. Pickle into the ocean. And her song, Smile, seems sadly prophetic.

She shoulda lost the tongue jewelry.

So long Gina.

So, what's your thoughts? Please discuss.

the nine: it's TONY BENNETT!!...

Tony Freaking Bennett! These kids better know how freakin' lucky they are.

And it's my favorite of all of the episodes - the American Classics night (sometimes called Big Band, sometimes called the Great American Songbook, depending on the season), but it's REAL music with REAL lyrics (that mean stuff) and REAL melodies that don't need rollercoasters or curlycues.

And anybody who butchers the real stuff is gonna get stuffed like the turkey they are.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And as a rule, the kids treated these classics with the respect they deserved, well at least as much as this group can do.

Anyway, here they are, the early reviews, subject to rewind, review and revision and, with respect to the "special list", as always from worst to first.

The "Sanjaya" list:

Sanjaya Malakar (Cheek to Cheek). Tony Bennett says he loves the kid, because he's not afraid to do his own thing. And that's a large part of the reason he's still in this dance. Okay, so his vocals were off in parts and all over the map in other parts, Randy finally nails it that he's not as much a singer as an entertainer - an entertainer that's learning on the job and doing a damn good job at it.

The "Non-Sanjaya" List:

Phil Stacey (Night and Day). Phil says he's waiting all his life to meet Tony Bennett, who tells him to pick up the tempo on this classic. So, of course, he doesn't because Phil doesn't normally take advice. And all of a sudden I think I'm sipping a daquari in a Vegas lounge. Randy says eww to boos from the audience. Paula says he's a young Sinatra. Paula is obviously drunk. Simon doesn't feel the lounge vibe; he's feeling more like funeral parlor.

Haley Scarnato (Ain't Misbehavin'). I'm fighting to find something else to say about Haley's performance aside from the length of her skirt and the depth of her neckline. Give me a minute. Paula tells her that green is "her color." Simon tells her she has great legs. Give them a minute. Give me more time.

Gina Glocksen (Smile). Gina decides to begin and end this song on a stool in the middle of the stage, not that the song needs anything more. But her rendition could have used a little stage action. I think this is the first time I've called her boring. And it's the first time that I'm going to criticize the tongue jewelry, which, with a microscopic camera all but up her nose, would have been better placed in a tongue jewelry box for this performance.

Blake Lewis (Mack the Knife). So Blake plays a bit with the lyrics and doesn't slow down the tempo as Tony Bennett suggested, but given the lead-off spot, doesn't massacre this classic too badly. Randy uses the word "pitchy", Paula calls him a "kool kat" and Simon gives him a 7/10 while giving the band an 8. Me? I say a 6.

Jordin Sparks (On a Clear Day). My new favorite, Jordin, must have been in a hurry to get to the sock hop, taking very little time to break from the strict melody to interpret the lyrics. Randy and Paula gush shamelessly. Simon tells her she didn't make an old song sound fresh. I disagree with all of them. While technically good, artistically it was just too rushed, until the last note which lasted through the last several singers and into House.

LaKisha Jones (Stormy Weather). Just as she did with Diana Ross, whose suggestion she rejected, LaKisha disregards Bennett's advice to let the final note speak for itself. She ought to consider taking the word of two people with 80+ years combined experience. She fights through the opening third of the song, knocks it out in the middle and blows it with a cheap ending tag. But the judges fawn like they normally do with LaKisha.

Chris Richardson (Don't Get Around Much Anymore). The judges tell Chris that he made a old classic young, hip and cool. I hate admitting it, but I agree. For the first time, I didn't cringe during a Chris Richardson performance.

Melinda Doolittle (I've Got Rhythm) This is how you do it right there. At least according to Randy. She has FAB hair (obviously taking hints from Sanjaya), starts this song as a ballad then lets it loose in one of her best performances thus far. And she seems to have dropped the "aw shucks/who me?" routine, accepting the accolades graciously, even when Simon whines that they've been unable to be mean to her. Don't worry Simon, there's always Haley.

So, who's history? My track record has not been so good this year, but I'm not giving up.

Who I want: Phil and Haley. (Phil, because Haley gives me wardrobe fodder.)
Who should: Phil, Haley, Sanjaya. (Phil because Sanjaya gives me hairstyle fodder and makes people totally crap their pants every time he stays, and that's always a fun time.)
Who will: Phil, Haley, Gina.

Phil, it's time buddy. See you at the finale.

So...who's on your list?

top 8 guys: we want our money back...

And so it ends. And begins. Next week we will applaud the beginning of the (overly) long awaited finals. But we get to smash the dreams of four more young people first.

Because THIS is American Idol.

It's guys night, and a few things are certain. They'll probably underperform (hopefully a few of them are sandbagging), and two that probably shouldn't will be pushed through, at the expense of at least one semi-talented guy. America will be pissed. That's why we love this show.

And the verdict? They under underperformed, and two that probably shouldn't will be pushed through, but the two who are left eating dust probably deserve to be there. Half the field of eight deserve to stay home. What a shame that a couple of talented women will be executed in the name of gender equity.

Anyway, here they are, subject to rewind, rewatch (which will NOT happen) and revision, and, as usual, from worst to first:

Sanjaya Malakar (Waiting on the World to Change). Sanjaya, who obviously had a head-on collision with a flat iron reveals he knows how to Hula. Okay. This poor kid seems to be campaigning for the Vote for the Worst vote. He is strides better than the past two weeks, but his better is, well, really bad. When Paula can't even come up with a "well you look nice," it's been a bad night. Sanjaya's a lock for the finals. Hello Kitties!

Phil Stacey (I Need You). Can Phil start any song successfully? At least he's wearing a hat this week, which is about the only positive thing I can find to say. Randy says he "starting with the pluses: which means he's got lots of negatives. Paula actually gives even more real criticism. Simon doesn't get it. Neither do I.

Chris Richardson (Tonight I Wanna Cry). Okay, I officially am wondering what the judges are smoking. I like Chris, but this was not good. There's no power and no distinguishable passion, at least not until the end. The judges, save Simon, love it. I'm confused.

Jared Cotter (If You Really Love Me). Jared needs to pull a rabbit, an alligator, an elephant AND the father of Anna Nicole's baby out of a hat to advance past tonight, and he pulls out another Stevie Wonder song. Ouch. His performance is not painful, but it's not a showstopper. Randy calls it solid. Paula gives actual advice, and Simon translates Paula. But at least I knew the name of the song. Jared just booked his ticket home.

Sundance Head (Jeremy). Sundance, who obviously had a head-on collision with a Rhodesian Ridgeback (and lost), reveals to the world that in actuality he's a thin sexy dude. But he doesn't know how to hula. Randy and Paula give him thumbs up on the Pearl Jam; Simon gives him a thumbs down. My thumbs are down too, but I'm not sure if it's because I don't like the performance, which resembled more like shouting than singing, or I just didn't like the song.

Brandon Rogers (I Just Want to Celebrate). Brandon reveals that he's a classical pianist. And his performance, while miles better than the previous week, is adequate. Randy calls it solid (he likes that word tonight), Paula says he's proven why he's made it thus far and Simon tells him he fears for his future, which might be just enough to spare him.

Blake Lewis (All Mixed Up). Blake introduces us to his alternate personality, and he pulls out a funk/reggae/rap song that I don't know, but don't feel too bad when Randy, Paula and Simon admit they don't know the song either. Simon echoes me when he says he didn't understand a word. I couldn't catch enough of the lyrics to run a decent search. But Simon predicts that Blake will return for his debut on the big stage. I think he will too.

Chris Sligh (We All Want to be Loved). Chris assures us that he's never (nor will he ever) have a perm. Well, that's nice to know. The judges slam him over song choice. Chris' advantage, though, is that he gets anchor position on a crappy night. It wasn't great, but neither was the night.

I'm voting for the girls.

Fearless predictions:

Who I want: Sanjaya and Sundance.
Who should: Sanjaya and Sundance.
Who will: Jared and Phil.

Girls tomorrow. Maybe we'll be entertained. See you then.

Discuss, please.