top 8 guys: we want our money back...

And so it ends. And begins. Next week we will applaud the beginning of the (overly) long awaited finals. But we get to smash the dreams of four more young people first.

Because THIS is American Idol.

It's guys night, and a few things are certain. They'll probably underperform (hopefully a few of them are sandbagging), and two that probably shouldn't will be pushed through, at the expense of at least one semi-talented guy. America will be pissed. That's why we love this show.

And the verdict? They under underperformed, and two that probably shouldn't will be pushed through, but the two who are left eating dust probably deserve to be there. Half the field of eight deserve to stay home. What a shame that a couple of talented women will be executed in the name of gender equity.

Anyway, here they are, subject to rewind, rewatch (which will NOT happen) and revision, and, as usual, from worst to first:

Sanjaya Malakar (Waiting on the World to Change). Sanjaya, who obviously had a head-on collision with a flat iron reveals he knows how to Hula. Okay. This poor kid seems to be campaigning for the Vote for the Worst vote. He is strides better than the past two weeks, but his better is, well, really bad. When Paula can't even come up with a "well you look nice," it's been a bad night. Sanjaya's a lock for the finals. Hello Kitties!

Phil Stacey (I Need You). Can Phil start any song successfully? At least he's wearing a hat this week, which is about the only positive thing I can find to say. Randy says he "starting with the pluses: which means he's got lots of negatives. Paula actually gives even more real criticism. Simon doesn't get it. Neither do I.

Chris Richardson (Tonight I Wanna Cry). Okay, I officially am wondering what the judges are smoking. I like Chris, but this was not good. There's no power and no distinguishable passion, at least not until the end. The judges, save Simon, love it. I'm confused.

Jared Cotter (If You Really Love Me). Jared needs to pull a rabbit, an alligator, an elephant AND the father of Anna Nicole's baby out of a hat to advance past tonight, and he pulls out another Stevie Wonder song. Ouch. His performance is not painful, but it's not a showstopper. Randy calls it solid. Paula gives actual advice, and Simon translates Paula. But at least I knew the name of the song. Jared just booked his ticket home.

Sundance Head (Jeremy). Sundance, who obviously had a head-on collision with a Rhodesian Ridgeback (and lost), reveals to the world that in actuality he's a thin sexy dude. But he doesn't know how to hula. Randy and Paula give him thumbs up on the Pearl Jam; Simon gives him a thumbs down. My thumbs are down too, but I'm not sure if it's because I don't like the performance, which resembled more like shouting than singing, or I just didn't like the song.

Brandon Rogers (I Just Want to Celebrate). Brandon reveals that he's a classical pianist. And his performance, while miles better than the previous week, is adequate. Randy calls it solid (he likes that word tonight), Paula says he's proven why he's made it thus far and Simon tells him he fears for his future, which might be just enough to spare him.

Blake Lewis (All Mixed Up). Blake introduces us to his alternate personality, and he pulls out a funk/reggae/rap song that I don't know, but don't feel too bad when Randy, Paula and Simon admit they don't know the song either. Simon echoes me when he says he didn't understand a word. I couldn't catch enough of the lyrics to run a decent search. But Simon predicts that Blake will return for his debut on the big stage. I think he will too.

Chris Sligh (We All Want to be Loved). Chris assures us that he's never (nor will he ever) have a perm. Well, that's nice to know. The judges slam him over song choice. Chris' advantage, though, is that he gets anchor position on a crappy night. It wasn't great, but neither was the night.

I'm voting for the girls.

Fearless predictions:

Who I want: Sanjaya and Sundance.
Who should: Sanjaya and Sundance.
Who will: Jared and Phil.

Girls tomorrow. Maybe we'll be entertained. See you then.

Discuss, please.