kris & adam: conquering earthquakes, mountains, famine, plague...

I have this image in my head of the events following Carrie Underwood's closing of the show last night.

Here's what I think happened:

Kris, after greeting the judges and kissing his wife, immediately bolted for the men's room to place approximately 562 "vote" text messages for Adam. Adam, in the meantime, not wanting to be suspected of sabotage, simply locked the door of his dressing room, quickly hitting redial 832 times on the "02" number for Kris.

Yeah. That's the way it went down, I'm sure.

After all, winning this season's American Idol means the poor slob has to sing that steaming pile of crap song that should have never seen the light of day, much less be foisted on two nice guys who never did anything to anybody.

Leave it to Kara, who's messed with this show all season, to leave the final performance show with a stench so bad I woke up this morning still smelling it.

Was No Boundaries really that bad? I had to loop Inside My Heaven to get the sound out.

The composer of season four's crappy coronation song should send Kara and her cohorts a thank you gift.

I hope they seriously consider switching the first single to something else. Anything else.

On the positive side, both Adam and Kris tried to make the best of a bad situation, and, in fairness, the song was ill-suited for both of their voices, so that was a draw, as was most of the evening with Kris slam-dunking his first selection, the reprise of Ain't No Sunshine, performed infintely better than its first incarnation, and Adam absolutely killing on Simon Fuller's selection, the Sam Cooke classic Change is Gonna Come.

I'm going to end the season by foregoing my worst to first list, because the original song was so bad it's unfair to critique either guy's interpretation of it. The other four performances were first rate, but first rate in an Adam sort of way and top notch in a Kris sort of way.

These two have such opposite styles, and both of masters of their styles, that comparing them to each other is the whole apples and oranges experiment.

This really will come down to a hair's difference, if dialidol.com is any indication. (And, if you'll recall, last season dialidol not only predicted a Cook win, but a Cook landslide by a nearly-precise number.)

What a fitting final performance episode. I said I didn't care who wins, and I still mean that. Adam will be a star regardless of tonight's result, and he won't be burdened by mountains, earthquakes, hurricanes and locusts. Kris will also find success, however tonight plays out.

If I had to choose the one who should win, of course it would be Adam. That young man has brought a vitality to this dinosaur of a show that has helped it thrive despite all of the twists and changes the new production staff has wrought this season. He has shown a level of creativity and originality throughout the season that few, if any, previously contestants have done, and all the while never missing a single note. (Okay, I'll just pretend Ring of Fire never happened, even though it was pitch perfect.) He has earned the title, and I'd like to think that voters voted last night based on a body of work, rather than a one-night stand, and for the man, not against him.

But things don't work that way.

So who will win? I don't have a clue.

Do you?

See you tonight for the two-hour finish...