setting the finale table: a SIMULBLOG...

There are only two seats available at the big show. By the end of the night we'll find out which of the two guys remaining gets to sit with the adults. And which one gets sent to the kid's table.

Third place is the crummiest of places, I think. All of next week's focus will be on the two remaining contestants. All of the previous ousted contestants have received exposure, going on the talk show circuit, finding audiences that might not watch this show. But number three has to stay home and rehearse for the finale. No Ellen. No Regis. No Today Show for the third place guy. And by the time his time is free for a chat with Kelly Ripa, they won't want him, because, well, he's the third-place guy that we forgot about a week ago.

Yea. Making it all the way to third, coming thisclose to the extravaganza, getting dissed by the talk shows. This has to suck.

But THIS is American Idol. And this is a simulblog, which means I'm writing as fast as I can as the action unfolds on the East Coast, so if you want to be shocked, now's the time to exit, because spoilers abound, snark can be found in the corners, personal opinions will fly and the show is about to start.
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The show can't even wait until the intro for the product placement, as Ben Stiller and the cast of the Smithsonian movie announcing that the AI desk is about to be inducted into the Institute. Ryan tells us that only one million votes separate the top two finishers. Too bad he didn't just tell us who they are so I could go to bed.

But they have more Coke to sell.

The Ford video has the guys turning into animated characters. The three sing well together, but I really think they've run out of ideas for these spots.

It's back to Idol Gives Back with Alicia Keys prompting us to donate five bucks. I didn't even miss Idol Gives Back enough to realize it hadn't been held. But Noah, the kid performing, is the bomb.
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Danny is summoned from backstage. We get to watch Danny's trip home to Milwaukee. The "Scream On" poster made me smile.

He is reminded of last night's reviews. And he's sent to wait.

Kris is called to the stage. The best part of his visit home to Conway, Arkansas? Cheese dip for life. I could handle that too.

Kris is also reminded of his reviews and sent to hang out with Danny.
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Jordin Sparks, the winner of the season I've chosen to forget occurred, is back in the house. She's looking quite lovely. Her new single is okay, if a bit redundant, but I hope it sells a gazillion copies.

Good for her.
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Adam is called to the stage. Most of the ousted idols are in the audience.

San Diego goes wild for him, especially the whacked out streaker wannabe who was forcefully removed from the stage.

He is reminded of last night's judges comments and sent to join the other two.
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Katy Perry is there. She sings. I don't care.
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The three guys are standing with Ryan, who wishes all of them luck.

First one safe is... Kris!!!!!!!!!

The second one safe is... Adam!!!!

Now that is a finale.

Danny gets to watch his funeral video as Underwood sings.

With no time left, he chooses You Are So Beautiful as his swan song.

See ya Danny.

And see you next week.

whose rock will roll?: a SIMULBLOG!...

Rock night on Idol was so intense, the set was shattered. And tonight, somebody's dreams are gonna be joining it.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a simulblog, where I'm typing as fast as I can, trying to describe the action as it's happening live in the east, so if you want to be surprised, now is the time to go rewatch the fan-freaking-tabulous A-plus-A duet from last night. (I really hope big brother/little sister, who obviously have total love for each other take the "record together" advice seriously.)

But don't forget to come back, visit and dish with the rest of us. Because the show is about to start! _____

Ryan says over 64 million votes came in last night, the highest total outside of a finale. The kids are paper dolls in the Ford video and the group sing features Slash on guitar. Best one this season.
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The four are sitting on the stools, chatting with Ryan. Danny is pretty amusing with his admission that the "horror scream" was really as bad as the judges said it was.

Paula debuts her new single, proving without a doubt what good electronic enhancements can do to a mediocre voice. That was, well, painful.
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I just caught the promo for the summer tour. Am I the only one who had forgotten Michael Sarver?

Paula blathers to Ryan that she wanted to play the AI stage because it's a happy place. C'mon Paula. Everyone knows that playing the AI stage means zillions in sales. That's why No Doubt is there. And they're there.
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Ryan reminds us that the three survivors get the hometown treatment, and then we're treated to a retrospective of past homecomings. That was cool. Good memories.

The final four are brought to the stage.

Allison, Danny, Adam and Kris are lined up in that order. The kids are reminded of last night's reviews with no mention of bottom anythings.

One gets sent to safety. It's...Kris!! The others give him major hugs.
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Chris Daughtry is back in the house. And we're reminded of his season five journey. The band is debuting the first single from their sophomore album, No Surprise. I like it. And like David Cook before him, Chris gets a plaque, commemorating the success of his first quadruple platinum first CD, proving sometimes not winning is the best victory.
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The three remaining kids are center stage.

The next person safe and in the top three is... Adam.

Allison and Danny share a hug.

Danny is safe. Allison goes home.

She watches her journey as Carrie Underwood sings.

And my heart just broke a little.

So long Allison, and thanks.

See you next week.

finding the top four: a SIMULBLOG!...

Four of the five remaining kids will get to work next week with Slash and sing a rock song or two, but one of them will have a Rat Pack standard as a swan song tonight as we cut the field to four.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a simulblog, where I'm typing as fast as I can as the action is happening live on the East Coast, so if you want to be surprised, now's the time to find the exit.

Because the show is about to start!
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Ryan tells us that over 47 million votes were phoned in. Simon compliments all five kids, calling it an open competition. (Yeah, an competition to see who's going up against Adam.)

The Ford video is very colorful in a very black and white sort of way. The group sing with five is really more of a collection of solos, which is not a complaint.
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After a disgusting food fight (you'll have to watch) for which Danny gets a $6,000 housecleaning bill, the kids are brought center stage.

Matt is given his reviews and told to stand to the right of the stage.

Danny is reminded of his reviews, talks far too much, and is sent to the left side of the stage.

Allison gets the normal treatment, and is sent to join Team Danny.

It's Kris' turn. And he's sent to join Team Matt.

Adam is left. He's asked which group he thinks he belongs with. He chooses Team Danny. Ryan corrects him and sends him to join Kris and Matt in the bottom three.

Adam, Kris and Matt in the bottom three.
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Natalie Cole is one of the musical guests. She looks great.

We get a look at Danny and Allison, sitting safely on the stage and a backstage glimpse of Adam, Kris and Matt, chatting it up, waiting to be called back front and center.

After a commerical break, we get a visit from Taylor Hicks. Soul Patrol! It was good to see him.

The bottom dwellers are summoned to the stage. One of them gets a free pass back to safety. And it's...Kris.

Matt and Adam are the bottom two. Quelle surprise.
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Jamie Foxx takes the stage to sing his new single, proving that one does not need be a great vocalist to have a hit record. All one needs is the proper electronic equipment.
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Ryan reminds Simon that he was a little off his judging game last night. So true.

The lights are dimmed. Adam is told he's safe. He hugs Matt.

That was no surprise. Of the five, he was the weakest remaining. He watches his goodbye video.

He sings out the show as his castmates surround him.

So long Matt, and good luck.

See you next week!

from seven to five: a SIMULBLOG!...

Might we be in for a shocking double elimination? Might we be in for one shocking and one not-so-shocking boot?

This is about the time in the season where the unpredictable predictably happens, and with no "save" to protect the favored who knows. That's what makes the show fun. And maddening.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a Simulblog, where I'm writing as fast as I can, typos and all, while the action is happening live in the east, so if it's not on where you are and you want to be shocked at the result, then time to go elsewhere. But come back when you know and dish with the rest of us.

Because the show is about to start.
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Ryan opens the show wishing us all a Happy Earth Day! Green Power! There were 45 million votes tallied last night.

Paula is the choreographer for tonight's group sing. This could be interesting, considering the highlights of the rehearsal session.

Well, it's definitely ugly with polyester leisure suits. (What were we thinking in the 70s?) But they look like they're having fun and it wasn't half bad. Paula is called to the stage and the kids present her with a flower bouquet approximately the size of Utah.
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The Crappy Ford Commercial celebrates Earth Day.

The lights are dimmed.

Lil is told to stand. She's reminded of her really bad reviews from last night. She's sent to the far side of the stage.

And she's sent home. WOW. That was a quick kill.

They make her sing again.
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Freda Payne is on the stage. Okay, now that's one non-Idol related artist I can welcome on results night. She sings Band of Gold, of course. Thelma Houston is next and sings Don't Leave Me This Way. K.C. without the Sunshine Band (but with some unidentified singer/dancers) shows up with Get Down Tonight.
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The kids are back on the sofa, and Ryan is back at the podium.

Kris is told to stand. They rehash the whole ladies department/clothing nonsense from last night. And he's safe.

Adam is next. He's safe.

Danny's turn. He's wearing his contacts again. And he's safe too.

Anoop is told to stand. He's in the bottom three and takes a stool.

Allison and Matt are told to stand. Matt is safe; Allison is sent to join Anoop on the naughty stools.
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Archie has returned! Is it possible that he looks even younger than last year? Or is it just me. He's keeping his eyes open! Yay Archie! Can't say I'm fond of the song, but I hope he sells a gazillion copies of it.
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Anoop and Allison are standing center stage. Anoop is told the bad news. He gets a big hug from his castmate. The crowd stands, obviously appreciating this classy young man. He reprises his song from last night and this time hits his final note and properly puts all of the lyrics in their proper places. Much nicer.

We get to watch two funeral videos as we say goodbye to Anoop and Lil and hello to the top five who will sing two songs each next week.

See you then.

getting to a half dozen: a SIMULBLOG!...

There will be no Academy Awards handed out after last night's Songs of the Cinema production, but somebody's gonna get the ax before the night is over.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a simulblog, where I'm typing as the action is unfolding on the East Coast, so if you don't want to know the results, now's the time to go get some popcorn and take a potty break. But come back and dish with the rest of us.

Because the show is about to start!
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The Ford video is to Freeze Frame, with magazine covers and a Ford car. The group sing is pretty thin with undetectable harmony. It's not been a good season for group sings.

[Blogger is really messing up tonight, so if I suddenly disappear, you will understand why.]
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Ryan and the kids chat about working with QT, and we get to see the highlights of the kids' visit to the premiere of 17 Again.

Time to dim the lights.

Allison is told to stand. She gets her reviews from last night. She is safe.

Adam is next. He's okay.

Time for Anoop. He's heading to the bad stools for the third straight week.
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Jennifer Hudson returns to Idol's stage. She's FAB.
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Ryan kills more time by chatting with Anoop on the stools of death.

Kris is told to stand. Lil is told to join him. They get reminded of last night's reviews. Simon gets an opportunity to tell Kris he was "brilliant". Lil is sent to join Anoop on the stools.

Time for Matt and Danny. Danny's wearing his glasses tonight. Danny is safe and Matt heads for the corner.

Kara thinks the bottom three deserves their fate. Paula babbles.

Ryan sends Anoop back to the safety of the sofa.
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It's time for that teen sensation Hannah Miley Montana Cyrus, and since I would rather hear nails on a chalkboard, I think it's a good time for me to take a break from the television.
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Simon says the judges might consider either Matt or Lil, but not both. I think he's talking about Matt, because he did not hide his disgust with Lil last night at all.

After the two are forced to wait through an endless commercial break, the lights are dimmed. Over 36 million votes came in last night. Lil is told she's safe, leaving Matt on the stage alone.

Matt is forced to sing his song without benefit of the piano, while the judges go through their charade of "discussing" the save. This performance is a thousand times better than last night.

And the judges throw him a lifesaver. Or a show-saver, as it were.

Matt is in tears as the kids gather around for hugs. Simon reminds the group that next week two of them are getting executed after they've been forced to sing Disco.

So nobody leaves. We're still at seven.

See you next week.

seven is better: a SIMULBLOG!...

What was a group of eight yesterday becomes a team of seven tonight, as we cast aside yet another hopeful, leaving him alone and lonely along the side of the stage without a lyric to sing until the finale.

Thank God, another is getting whacked. As long as it's the right one.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a Simulblog, where I'm typing as fast as I can to describe the action as it's unfolding (and taking too damn long) on the East Coast, so if you want to watch in "real" time, find somewhere else to hang out for the next hour.

Because the show is about to start!
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Ryan starts the show chatting with the judges, most of whom express overall disappointment over last night's episode. And, of course, we get a little more "year you were born" humor, which culminates with a super special surprise guest that makes me stop, smile and applaud. I ain't giving that one away.

The group song celebrates 2002, the year American Idol was born. This is just not good. Maybe it's the song. Maybe it's the combination. Maybe it's mute button time.
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We're taken behind the scenes of the making of the Ford "video". The kids are magicians. There is a car. You get it.

We're back live and Ryan is quizzing Adam about last night's Simon standing O. No mention of the O not being recorded by DVRs all over the country. An "our bad" would have been nice.

Hey look! It's the mayor of Kalamazoo, Michigan!! He's there to see Matt.

Time to do it.

Adam and Kris are told to stand. Anoop is told to join them. The judges are given a chance to critique Adam, and he's told to sit down.

The two that are not Adam are reminded of their comments last night and Anoop is sent to the bad stools.
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Flo-Rida is this week's non-Idol affiliated, no-reason-to-be-here-except-to-hawk-CD guest. At least I am enjoying his performance. That's a first. Man, they're even throwing out the streamers and confetti.
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We're back. Danny is told to stand. He's safe.

Matt is next. Ryan tries to fool him before telling him to sit down.

Scott's turn. He's sent to join Anoop on the naughty stools.

Allison is told to stand. Lil is told to join her. They are reminded of their reviews. Allison is safe, and Lil is given her first ticket to the dark side.

Simon says there are two - one in particular - of the three that would be considered for a save. I don't believe it for a minute.

Pickler is next.
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Pickler takes the stage, flirts with Simon and warbles through a song that I really don't like.

The trio in trouble is brought center stage. Time to send somebody to safety. Lil is given another chance, leaving Anoop and Scott to wait through a commercial.
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The lights are dimmed. Thirty-four million votes were called in. Scott gets the axe. He looks both sad and stunned. I feel sad for him. He reprises last night's song without the weight of the guitar. I hope it's better.

The drama is spread out far beyond what it's worth. Simon puts us out of our misery and sends Scott home. He gets hugs from his colleagues as we watch his journey.

Good luck Scott. You did good.

See you next week!

9 becomes 8: a SIMULBLOG...

We're going to lose some more of the dead weight on April Fool's Day. (Let's hope they don't pull a "never mind, nobody leaves" act and hope that they pull a "check it out, half of you are dead" routine.)

David Cook and Lady Gaga are supposed to be the guests on a week that saw no mentors, no real theme, no Idol moments but plenty of filler. We're in for more filler tonight because despite trimming the performance show to one hour, 25 minutes (huh?), we're still being subjected to the painfully long 60 minute results.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a simulblog, where I'm typing as fast as the law allows while the action is happening live in the east, so if you don't wanna know, now's the time to take a nap or catch up with the absolutely terrific Idoltry videos. But stop back by once you know who has bitten the dust to share your thoughts with the rest of us.

Because the show is about to start...

Over 36 million votes were phoned in last night, so Ryan concludes that this is the most popular group in the show's history.

Randy is still criticizing song selection. Kara invites the audience to boo her, like we need the extra incentive to hate her. Paula assures the other eight kids that she thinks they have the potential to be like Adam. Simon says half of the group could be in trouble. Megan waves at the crowd.

We get a very strange Ford video right off the bat. And then the kids, with Scott at the keyboard, launch into Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. This group has absolutely no dance ability. They have the pointy pose thing down pat, but the best they can manage in the way of foot movement is walking around in circles.
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The kids are on the sofa and Ryan is at his post. We get a glimpse into a day in the life of an American Idol contestant. They are busy taking pictures, rehearsing, eating quadruple chocolate cake and making sexy faces.

The lights are dimmed.

Megan is told to stand. And so is Matt. Kris too. They are told to stand on the far side of the stage.

Adam stands, followed by Lil and Allison. They are sent to the center stage.

The other three, Scott, Danny and Anoop are sent to the near side of the stage.

Ryan asks if one of these groups could be the bottom three. Boy he is using the word could a lot on April Fool's Day.
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David Cook is back (complete with his mom) singing his new single Come Back to Me. Excuse me while I remember how much I loved last season. :::sniff:::

He sounds terrific and gets presented with his Platinum record plaque. Platinum in three months. YAY!!
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The groups are standing on the stage, and Ryan has his cards.

He starts with Kris. He's reminded of his reviews from last night. And he's sent to the safety of the sofa.

Time for Matt. He says he has no regrets about his performance last night. He's sent to join Kris.

Megan is left. I think we all know how this is gonna go. She is sent to the bad stool.

Time for Team Adam with Lil and Allison.

Lil is sent to the safe place. Allison is told to join Megan on the bad stools. At this rate, Allison is going to be the new Kim Locke/Syesha Mercado.

Adam is told he's safe, of course, considering he's Adam and the only one left of the three.

Danny's turn. He's safe.

Scott and Anoop are reminded of their reviews. Anoop says Scott should be safe. Very gracious. And he's right. Anoop joins the girls on the bad stools.

We're teased with a Lady Gaga introduction as they cut to yet another hour of commercials.
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And sing she does. I'm not sure there are words to describe this. So I won't try.

Ryan asks Simon if any of the bottom three should be saved. "Just one," he replies. Bet that ain't Megan or Anoop.
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Ryan's going to send somebody to sit with the good kids. It's Allison. YAY! She hugs the others as Anoop and Megan lock arms.

Megan is told she's toast. Simon tells her she doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting saved, and she should enjoy her "swan song." So she does, pulling out every quirky and dorky dance move in her handbag.

See ya Megan.

See you next week.

10 becomes 9: a SIMULBLOG!...

Whoopsie. Almost forgot the 8 p.m. start of the Motown results show. So I'll cut the introductory nonsense and get right to the point.

This is a SIMULBLOG, which means the action is being described as it's happening in the east, so if you want to be surprised where you are, it's time to make a hasty retreat. But come back!

The kids start the show with an inventive and entertaining Motown medley. Lord knows there are enough Motown songs to make a great medley.
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Back from commercial, we're treated to another one for Ford that they insist on calling a video. The kids applaud their efforts.

Ruuuuuuben is back. He hasn't changed a bit. And he's singing his new single. Glad to know he's recording. Nice song. Very Ruben-esque.

Time for some results, after we hear all about the kids' private jetted trip to Detroit.

Adam is told to stand. Girls scream. He gets his reviews from last night and is told to sit back down. Girls scream.

Matt is next. Girls don't scream quite so loudly. And SHOCK! Matt is in the bottom three. People boo. Loudly.

Time for Kris. He's safe after another Ryan fake-out.

Lil and Michael get to stand in tandem. Michael is sent to join Matt on the bad stools.
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Smokey Robinson and Joss Stone perform. And we're reminded that there are three bad stools and so far only two bad people. (Well one bad person and Matt.)
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Time for more results.

Allison stands. She's safe this week.

Anoop is summoned. He's safe too.

Danny's turn. No stool for him.

Scott and Megan stand together. They are reminded how crappy the judges thought they were. Scott is sent to join the stool sitters.

Randy says Matt doesn't belong in the group. Duh. Ryan sends Scott back to the safety of the sofa. _____

Simon mumbles some circular nonsense about the "judges save," before Stevie Wonder takes center stage, bringing people to their feet with a thoroughly-enjoyable medley.
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An hour and a half worth of commercials later, we're finally time to execute somebody. Ryan reminds us that over 36 million people voted and most of them didn't vote for Michael Sarver, who then gets to "sing for his life". Yeah, right. Like there's a snowball's chance they'll save him.

Well Michael at least you have a summer job.

Michael's singout is, well, really bad. You'd think they would let the kids sing any of the songs they've performed up to this point. The judges tease him, letting him think they're still deliberating, before Simon calls a halt to the pretense and tells him he's going home.

We get to see Michael's cute kids in his funeral video.

See ya Michael. Good luck to you.

See you next week.

no tour for you: a SIMULBLOG!...

The list of finalists is about to pared to 10 - the magic number for a nice, cushy summer job on the American Idol tour. Randy Travis will be back, paired with Carrie Underwood for an anticipated duet while we wait (and wait and wait and wait since it's another dang 15-minute show crammed into one hour) to learn which unfortunate kid will have his or her dreams of seeing the country and being a star crushed like dead leaves on the sidewalk.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a simulblog, where I'm typing the events as they're unfolding on the East Coast, so if you want to remain a results virgin, time to catch up on today's news over at CNN, because there will be spoilers.

And the show's about to start!
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Ryan says the results may SHOCK us. But then the announcer also said that Carrie Underwood's return to the Idol stage will be an "epic" night. I don't know who to believe.

Over 31 million votes were phoned in last night. Ryan reminds us of the "judges save" rule. C'mon Ryan. If they save the dead one tonight that totally screws up the tour group because it forces a double elimination next week. The only guys they would waste that on at this stage would be Adam or Danny, and I doubt either of them are in line for a shocking exit yet.

We get treated to a retrospective of last night's performances. And then it's time for the group sing! Scott is at the piano as the others flock the stage with Trouble. And I actually kinda enjoyed it.
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Cute Ford video. Dirty Ford. Water Balloons. You get the picture.

And we get more filler with a behind-the-scene, after-the-show idea of the tears and anguish following execution night.

Ryan tells Danny to stand. He gets to go on tour.

Lil is next. She's safe.

Time for Anoop. He's safe too.

Allison and Michael are told to stand. Ryan is setting us up to be surprised, which means it's Allison. And it is. She is sent to the bad stool. But then Ryan sends Michael to join Allison on the bad stools.
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Brad Paisley is here. He's going to sing. I thought they learned their lesson about random artists hawking CDs without any other connection to this show in season six. They probably forgot about that around the same time they forgot their vow to reduce results shows to half an hour.
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Scott is told to stand. He's reminded of last night's reviews. He's told not to make any plans for the summer because he's going to be busy.

Megan is next. She is also safe.

Matt's turn. He's on the tour.

Kris is told he's safe.

Alexis and Adam are told to stand. They are reminded what the judges had to say. Alexis is sent to join the bad people on the bad stools.

Ryan sends Allison back to the safety of the sofa and the luxury of the tour.
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It's time for Carrie Underwood's "epic" return to the Idol stage. (Doesn't she return pretty much every year?) And she's teaming with this week's mentor Randy Travis. She has a short, totally-adorable new hairdo. They perform I Told You So for the first time live. And I actually might buy that.

Ryan gushes about Carrie's fab career as he joins the dejected stool sitters. I can't help but wonder when he's going to whip out a knife to stick in their backs just to add to their agony.

Ryan asks the judges about the "save." Simon says the judges might consider saving one of the bottom two-ers.
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Ryan delivers the news. Michael is safe. Alexis is out. Or is she?

Simon tells us what we already knew. And he tells Alexis her future is riding on her singout. No pressure.

Alexis looks dejected and resigned. Simon tells her she wasn't good enough. Paula gives her the rah rah speech.

No Alexis on tour. Oh well.

See ya Alexis.

Next week we're on a Wednesday/Thursday schedule because the president trumps even American Idol.

See you then.

the first three: a SIMULBLOG!...

We're going to watch three people leave happy and nine people leave with their heads in their hands as they examine the chards of their shattered dreams strewn all around their feet which have nowhere to go except to the closest bus station.

God I love execution night.

And I love that they're having it during family hours so that kids can watch the massacre and old people like me can stay up without missing our 9 p.m. bedtimes.

Okay, so that's only gonna last through the semi-finals, but a girl can enjoy little pleasures while they last.

This is a live post, also known around these parts as a SIMULBLOG, when I'm writing as I'm watching with a publish at every important break, so if you are on the west coast and you want to be spoiled, now is the time to exit stage left, because by the end of the post you're gonna know who's staying and who's going home to wait on the wildcard invite.

Ryan tells us that 24 million votes were phoned in last night, before he gives us a refresher on how this new season's semi-finals are gonna work. Yeah we know Ryan. Three stay. Nine don't. This show could last only 14.5 minutes if they would only avoid the judges' self-congratulation and contrived drama. But whatever.

We get a review on how group one got to Hollywood and to the eyeball stage. Then we're treated to a GROUP SING! Thankfully it's just 12 of them, not the whole 36, although that would not have surprised me. God I love cheesy dancing!

THIS is American Idol!

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Oh good. We get reminded of the trainwreck that was the night before. I choose not to watch.

The kids get asked for their own reviews of their own performances. They hem. They haw. Some of them obviously didn't watch the show.

Ryan shows us the three good stools which will be filled with three lucky butts.

He brings Casey to the stage, who says she agreed with the judges that she shouldn't have tried to sing Sting. Randy says she needs to go. She does. Bye Casey.

Stephen is next. He kinda sorta agrees that he chose the wrong song. Kara says he needs to go. He does. Bye Stephen.

Alexis is asked to come on down. I like her hat. Paula reminds Alexis that she was marvelous. And she stays and gets to sit on one of the shiny stools. And she gets to sing. Hey! The winners are gonna sing again. Now THAT is a twist.
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This show could be about nine minutes long if it weren't for the commercials. Ricky and Jackie are brought center stage. Ricky is sent away. So is Jackie.

Anoop and Michael are asked to join Ryan. They get reminded of last night's reviews. One of them is advancing. And it's Michael. Anoop is sent to await another callback, which I'm sure he'll get.

Michael gets to sing again.

This show would be about three minutes long if it weren't for the encores.
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Oh I hope they keep their promise of reducing this season's results show to 30 minutes.

We get to see some highlights of the Disneyworld extravaganza, ending with a snippet of the David Cook/Carrie Underwood duet, all of which can be seen here. It really is good.

Michael Johns and Carly Smithson remind us of what a great season last year was. They team up for The Letter.
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Ann Marie is told to stand. She's reminded how much the judges hated her. Brent does the same. So does Stevie. Nothing like a mass killing! Randy says none of them deserves to stay. And, predictably, none of them do. Oh the carnage.

Danny and Tatiana are left. Both are brought center stage. Paula says the last spot should go to Danny. But we have to wait until "after the break."
_____

Both are reminded of the songs they sang. One will get a stool and the other will get a wildcard. Mark my words. Danny makes it through. Tatiana, in Tatiana fashion, has a Tatiana mini-meltdown and is assisted, sorta, off the stage by the other girls who also got the ax. She will return, girls. Trust me.

Danny gets to close the show with his reprise. And we await next week.

Remember, President Obama will be taking the stage next Tuesday, so we'll be on a Wednesday/Thursday schedule. I like President Obama. I think he will advance.

See you then...

36 minus 12 minus 9...

We're down to just 36, says Ryan Seacrest. That's easy for him to say, before the first twelve survivors start squawking.

Tuesday night's live competition opener won't go down as the worst semi-final episode certainly, but few of the first group gave anyone much reason to burn up the phone lines.

The judging panel is all weirded out. There are four of them now, Simon's on the left rather than the right. But at least Paula is normal. Paula-type normal that is.

Three of the kids will survive to sing again. There are a couple who might grab a wildcard invitation, but considering that this season, unlike the four seasons that preceded it, the kids have really one shot at stardom, which makes some of their performances and many of their song choices questionable at best and totally odd at worst.

But after a couple of watches (and a few clicks of the get-this-off-my-TV button) here are my thoughts, for what they're worth and, as usual, from worst to first:

Stephen Fowler (Rock With You). My mother always taught me that when you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all. Hi Mom.

Stevie Wright (You Belong With Me). Stevie decides to sing Taylor Swift because "it's really young" like she is, being 17 and all. Ever had a surge of pain in your head that only lasted really seconds but felt like agony for a week? Yeah. Me too. So long Stevie. Be sure to pick up your parting gift on your way out.

Jackie Tohn (A Little Less Conversation). I keep having to look up how to spell Jackie's name. I don't think after today I'll have to do that. After having just left the gym, the girl massacres this Elvis tune. Simon uses the word "clown." I use the word "gone."

Casey Carlson (Every Little Thing She Does is Magic). Casey wants to be Jordin Sparks. So she sings Sting. Or tries to. Even Jordin doesn't sing Sting. And Jordin can sing.

Ann Marie Boskovich (Natural Woman). Ann Marie chooses this song, she says, to let people know "who she is." And she is more Carole King than Aretha Franklin. Randy compares her version to the versions that have been turned in on the idol stage, and while I agree that Ann Marie doesn't have the big voices of Clarkson and Hudson, she wasn't trying to emulate Aretha. Simon thinks she ruined her chance. He may be right about tonight's vote, but I'm not entirely convinced for the competition as a whole.

Brent Keith (Hicktown). Brent does his best to secure the token country slot. Kara and Paula accuse him of playing it safe. Simon says he blew his chance with an "unforgettable" effort. Brent tells Simon that country fans won't forget the effort. I don't know how many country fans vote, though. Since I like variety in the end, I hope he pulls it through, but I'm not banking on a vote advance, but it would surprise me if he's one of tonight's three. If not, the producers would be fools not to bring him back in March.

Anoop Desai (Angel of Mine). I really like this guy, but wasn't over the moon about this song selection or his performance of it. Luckily he's had enough exposure to have enough credit in the bank to survive the night, but considering the qualified love coming from the judging panel, if he doesn't survive tonight, he'll make it through the wildcard round.

Michael Sarver (I Don't Wanna Be). Who can't root for an Everyman oil rigger with a lovely wife and cutie-pie baby who sings Gavin DeGraw. Who? Even Simon asks America to pick up the phone and "give him another shot." I hope they do.

Tatiana Del Toro (Saving All My Love for You). The country's favorite punching bad turns in a suprisingly subdued and pleasant performance. Simon hits it on the head when he observes that Tatiana just "wants to be famous." But, of the women in this group, she proves herself worthy of a place in the semi-finals. It remains to be seen if the combined forces of the VFTW crowd, who've crowned her queen and the average voters can pull her through, but she is an interesting character and sometimes that's what this show needs.

Ricky Braddy (A Song For You). Again I'm taking Simon's side. I really liked this interpretation of this beautiful song, but I'm not putting it in my list of top semi-final performances. Paula reminds him (as if he needs reminding) that Ricky was one of the sacraficial lambs in the Bikini Girl/Tatiana shows thus far, which could cost him in votes. But if he doesn't advance on votes, I think he's a wildcard pick for certain.

Alexis Grace (Never Loved a Man). A "dirtied-up" Alexis takes the eyeball stage with partially pink hair, a black teddi masquerading as a dress and the palest skin in the competition. And despite a few flat moments that ultimately are inconsequential, she restores my faith in this group. Simon invokes the holy name of Kelly. If she doesn't advance by votes, I'll dye my hair pink.

Danny Gokey (Hero). Danny is the lucky first recipient of the pimp spot, wrapping up the show with Mariah's classic and pretty much wrapping up a spot in the final 12. Paula stands. Randy says blazing hot. Kara screams into her microphone. And Simon throws some cold water on the hyperbole. And maybe the judging for Danny was a bit over the top, but on a mediocre, sometimes-painful night, it was okay.

Danny and Alexis should make it through effortlessly, but I never underestimate the voters. Who will fill out the third spot is anyone's guess.

So, who's your pick?