no tour for you: a SIMULBLOG!...

The list of finalists is about to pared to 10 - the magic number for a nice, cushy summer job on the American Idol tour. Randy Travis will be back, paired with Carrie Underwood for an anticipated duet while we wait (and wait and wait and wait since it's another dang 15-minute show crammed into one hour) to learn which unfortunate kid will have his or her dreams of seeing the country and being a star crushed like dead leaves on the sidewalk.

Because THIS is American Idol. And this is a simulblog, where I'm typing the events as they're unfolding on the East Coast, so if you want to remain a results virgin, time to catch up on today's news over at CNN, because there will be spoilers.

And the show's about to start!
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Ryan says the results may SHOCK us. But then the announcer also said that Carrie Underwood's return to the Idol stage will be an "epic" night. I don't know who to believe.

Over 31 million votes were phoned in last night. Ryan reminds us of the "judges save" rule. C'mon Ryan. If they save the dead one tonight that totally screws up the tour group because it forces a double elimination next week. The only guys they would waste that on at this stage would be Adam or Danny, and I doubt either of them are in line for a shocking exit yet.

We get treated to a retrospective of last night's performances. And then it's time for the group sing! Scott is at the piano as the others flock the stage with Trouble. And I actually kinda enjoyed it.
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Cute Ford video. Dirty Ford. Water Balloons. You get the picture.

And we get more filler with a behind-the-scene, after-the-show idea of the tears and anguish following execution night.

Ryan tells Danny to stand. He gets to go on tour.

Lil is next. She's safe.

Time for Anoop. He's safe too.

Allison and Michael are told to stand. Ryan is setting us up to be surprised, which means it's Allison. And it is. She is sent to the bad stool. But then Ryan sends Michael to join Allison on the bad stools.
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Brad Paisley is here. He's going to sing. I thought they learned their lesson about random artists hawking CDs without any other connection to this show in season six. They probably forgot about that around the same time they forgot their vow to reduce results shows to half an hour.
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Scott is told to stand. He's reminded of last night's reviews. He's told not to make any plans for the summer because he's going to be busy.

Megan is next. She is also safe.

Matt's turn. He's on the tour.

Kris is told he's safe.

Alexis and Adam are told to stand. They are reminded what the judges had to say. Alexis is sent to join the bad people on the bad stools.

Ryan sends Allison back to the safety of the sofa and the luxury of the tour.
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It's time for Carrie Underwood's "epic" return to the Idol stage. (Doesn't she return pretty much every year?) And she's teaming with this week's mentor Randy Travis. She has a short, totally-adorable new hairdo. They perform I Told You So for the first time live. And I actually might buy that.

Ryan gushes about Carrie's fab career as he joins the dejected stool sitters. I can't help but wonder when he's going to whip out a knife to stick in their backs just to add to their agony.

Ryan asks the judges about the "save." Simon says the judges might consider saving one of the bottom two-ers.
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Ryan delivers the news. Michael is safe. Alexis is out. Or is she?

Simon tells us what we already knew. And he tells Alexis her future is riding on her singout. No pressure.

Alexis looks dejected and resigned. Simon tells her she wasn't good enough. Paula gives her the rah rah speech.

No Alexis on tour. Oh well.

See ya Alexis.

Next week we're on a Wednesday/Thursday schedule because the president trumps even American Idol.

See you then.

the first three: a SIMULBLOG!...

We're going to watch three people leave happy and nine people leave with their heads in their hands as they examine the chards of their shattered dreams strewn all around their feet which have nowhere to go except to the closest bus station.

God I love execution night.

And I love that they're having it during family hours so that kids can watch the massacre and old people like me can stay up without missing our 9 p.m. bedtimes.

Okay, so that's only gonna last through the semi-finals, but a girl can enjoy little pleasures while they last.

This is a live post, also known around these parts as a SIMULBLOG, when I'm writing as I'm watching with a publish at every important break, so if you are on the west coast and you want to be spoiled, now is the time to exit stage left, because by the end of the post you're gonna know who's staying and who's going home to wait on the wildcard invite.

Ryan tells us that 24 million votes were phoned in last night, before he gives us a refresher on how this new season's semi-finals are gonna work. Yeah we know Ryan. Three stay. Nine don't. This show could last only 14.5 minutes if they would only avoid the judges' self-congratulation and contrived drama. But whatever.

We get a review on how group one got to Hollywood and to the eyeball stage. Then we're treated to a GROUP SING! Thankfully it's just 12 of them, not the whole 36, although that would not have surprised me. God I love cheesy dancing!

THIS is American Idol!

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Oh good. We get reminded of the trainwreck that was the night before. I choose not to watch.

The kids get asked for their own reviews of their own performances. They hem. They haw. Some of them obviously didn't watch the show.

Ryan shows us the three good stools which will be filled with three lucky butts.

He brings Casey to the stage, who says she agreed with the judges that she shouldn't have tried to sing Sting. Randy says she needs to go. She does. Bye Casey.

Stephen is next. He kinda sorta agrees that he chose the wrong song. Kara says he needs to go. He does. Bye Stephen.

Alexis is asked to come on down. I like her hat. Paula reminds Alexis that she was marvelous. And she stays and gets to sit on one of the shiny stools. And she gets to sing. Hey! The winners are gonna sing again. Now THAT is a twist.
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This show could be about nine minutes long if it weren't for the commercials. Ricky and Jackie are brought center stage. Ricky is sent away. So is Jackie.

Anoop and Michael are asked to join Ryan. They get reminded of last night's reviews. One of them is advancing. And it's Michael. Anoop is sent to await another callback, which I'm sure he'll get.

Michael gets to sing again.

This show would be about three minutes long if it weren't for the encores.
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Oh I hope they keep their promise of reducing this season's results show to 30 minutes.

We get to see some highlights of the Disneyworld extravaganza, ending with a snippet of the David Cook/Carrie Underwood duet, all of which can be seen here. It really is good.

Michael Johns and Carly Smithson remind us of what a great season last year was. They team up for The Letter.
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Ann Marie is told to stand. She's reminded how much the judges hated her. Brent does the same. So does Stevie. Nothing like a mass killing! Randy says none of them deserves to stay. And, predictably, none of them do. Oh the carnage.

Danny and Tatiana are left. Both are brought center stage. Paula says the last spot should go to Danny. But we have to wait until "after the break."
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Both are reminded of the songs they sang. One will get a stool and the other will get a wildcard. Mark my words. Danny makes it through. Tatiana, in Tatiana fashion, has a Tatiana mini-meltdown and is assisted, sorta, off the stage by the other girls who also got the ax. She will return, girls. Trust me.

Danny gets to close the show with his reprise. And we await next week.

Remember, President Obama will be taking the stage next Tuesday, so we'll be on a Wednesday/Thursday schedule. I like President Obama. I think he will advance.

See you then...

36 minus 12 minus 9...

We're down to just 36, says Ryan Seacrest. That's easy for him to say, before the first twelve survivors start squawking.

Tuesday night's live competition opener won't go down as the worst semi-final episode certainly, but few of the first group gave anyone much reason to burn up the phone lines.

The judging panel is all weirded out. There are four of them now, Simon's on the left rather than the right. But at least Paula is normal. Paula-type normal that is.

Three of the kids will survive to sing again. There are a couple who might grab a wildcard invitation, but considering that this season, unlike the four seasons that preceded it, the kids have really one shot at stardom, which makes some of their performances and many of their song choices questionable at best and totally odd at worst.

But after a couple of watches (and a few clicks of the get-this-off-my-TV button) here are my thoughts, for what they're worth and, as usual, from worst to first:

Stephen Fowler (Rock With You). My mother always taught me that when you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all. Hi Mom.

Stevie Wright (You Belong With Me). Stevie decides to sing Taylor Swift because "it's really young" like she is, being 17 and all. Ever had a surge of pain in your head that only lasted really seconds but felt like agony for a week? Yeah. Me too. So long Stevie. Be sure to pick up your parting gift on your way out.

Jackie Tohn (A Little Less Conversation). I keep having to look up how to spell Jackie's name. I don't think after today I'll have to do that. After having just left the gym, the girl massacres this Elvis tune. Simon uses the word "clown." I use the word "gone."

Casey Carlson (Every Little Thing She Does is Magic). Casey wants to be Jordin Sparks. So she sings Sting. Or tries to. Even Jordin doesn't sing Sting. And Jordin can sing.

Ann Marie Boskovich (Natural Woman). Ann Marie chooses this song, she says, to let people know "who she is." And she is more Carole King than Aretha Franklin. Randy compares her version to the versions that have been turned in on the idol stage, and while I agree that Ann Marie doesn't have the big voices of Clarkson and Hudson, she wasn't trying to emulate Aretha. Simon thinks she ruined her chance. He may be right about tonight's vote, but I'm not entirely convinced for the competition as a whole.

Brent Keith (Hicktown). Brent does his best to secure the token country slot. Kara and Paula accuse him of playing it safe. Simon says he blew his chance with an "unforgettable" effort. Brent tells Simon that country fans won't forget the effort. I don't know how many country fans vote, though. Since I like variety in the end, I hope he pulls it through, but I'm not banking on a vote advance, but it would surprise me if he's one of tonight's three. If not, the producers would be fools not to bring him back in March.

Anoop Desai (Angel of Mine). I really like this guy, but wasn't over the moon about this song selection or his performance of it. Luckily he's had enough exposure to have enough credit in the bank to survive the night, but considering the qualified love coming from the judging panel, if he doesn't survive tonight, he'll make it through the wildcard round.

Michael Sarver (I Don't Wanna Be). Who can't root for an Everyman oil rigger with a lovely wife and cutie-pie baby who sings Gavin DeGraw. Who? Even Simon asks America to pick up the phone and "give him another shot." I hope they do.

Tatiana Del Toro (Saving All My Love for You). The country's favorite punching bad turns in a suprisingly subdued and pleasant performance. Simon hits it on the head when he observes that Tatiana just "wants to be famous." But, of the women in this group, she proves herself worthy of a place in the semi-finals. It remains to be seen if the combined forces of the VFTW crowd, who've crowned her queen and the average voters can pull her through, but she is an interesting character and sometimes that's what this show needs.

Ricky Braddy (A Song For You). Again I'm taking Simon's side. I really liked this interpretation of this beautiful song, but I'm not putting it in my list of top semi-final performances. Paula reminds him (as if he needs reminding) that Ricky was one of the sacraficial lambs in the Bikini Girl/Tatiana shows thus far, which could cost him in votes. But if he doesn't advance on votes, I think he's a wildcard pick for certain.

Alexis Grace (Never Loved a Man). A "dirtied-up" Alexis takes the eyeball stage with partially pink hair, a black teddi masquerading as a dress and the palest skin in the competition. And despite a few flat moments that ultimately are inconsequential, she restores my faith in this group. Simon invokes the holy name of Kelly. If she doesn't advance by votes, I'll dye my hair pink.

Danny Gokey (Hero). Danny is the lucky first recipient of the pimp spot, wrapping up the show with Mariah's classic and pretty much wrapping up a spot in the final 12. Paula stands. Randy says blazing hot. Kara screams into her microphone. And Simon throws some cold water on the hyperbole. And maybe the judging for Danny was a bit over the top, but on a mediocre, sometimes-painful night, it was okay.

Danny and Alexis should make it through effortlessly, but I never underestimate the voters. Who will fill out the third spot is anyone's guess.

So, who's your pick?