with 6 you get two: a SIMULBLOG...

Two songs anyway. After tonight we'll be treated to not one, but multiple performances from the lucky hangers-on, because when we're finished we'll be down to half the field. Finally. And in this year of gender parity, it seems fairly likely that tonight's victim will be female. Or at least she better be.

Because THIS is American Idol. And we kill people here. Or at least we try to kill their hopes and dreams along with their self-esteem. (At least the MJ fans think so.)

And this is a SIMULBLOG where I'm throwing away all self-censorship and typing as the action is happening live on the East Coast, with a publish at every significant break, so if you want to know, stick around and uncensor yourself. If you want to remain pure and unspoiled, then go. But come back and rant, rave or revel in the outcome.

All seven of them broke the cardinal rule about not singing Mariah Carey because she threatened to sing all 117 octives in their ear if they didn't. And Mariah is in the house, along with one of our favorite Idols evah, Mr. Elliott Yamin. So I can deal with the insipid phone calls if my man Elliott is gonna sing.

Ryan tells us almost 36 million votes were phoned in Tuesday. And they go immediately to the crappy group song. One Sweet Day, they sing. Pretty much separately. And their separate performances really highlight how crappy this group is as a, well, group. That was really not good.
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There is only one week left to vote in the All-American Crappy Coronation Song Contest (ACCSC)! Get to it voters!

We are made to watch the high and lowlights from last night's performance episode. At least they make them interesting by showing us bits and pieces of behind-the-scenes commentary from the kids. Brooke tells Simon that it hurt her feeling knowing that she was just an empty bun, for instance.

Time to get "down to business."

Jason Castro is summoned to join Ryan. He's reminded of his reviews and, as we expected, they're separating them into "groups." Jason starts "team Jason."

David Cook is called in. He says he was overwhelmed by the events of the week. He captains "team David", the team that all of the kool kids want to be in.

Carly Smithson is called in. She tells Simon he's been too tough on her this season. Simon tries to explain. Carly is sent to join Team Jason.

Kristy Lee Cook comes out. She is told she's on Team David.

Elliott is next! YAY!
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It's the crappy Ford commercial. The kids are puppets wanting the break free. Thankfully they found scissors.

Elliott takes the stage and Sway Penala joins Kenya and the background singers with Free. Claudette, Elliott's mom, who passed away recently, gets well-deserved remembrance. Season five, after all, would have not been season five without her. Good job Elliott.

The teams continue to be formed.

Syesha Mercado is told to join Carly on Team Jason.

Brooke White is told to join Team David, leaving little Archuleta, who waits backstage, to choose between the groups.
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Yay. Phone calls. I simply will not comment.

Mariah Carey sings Bye Bye. And, if her post-performance antics are any indication, she spent the first half of the show sipping out of Paula's cup.
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Let's get to the reason we're here!

Archuleta is brought to the stage, between Team David with Kristy and Brooke and Team Jason with Carly and Syesha. Archuleta is told he's safe.

Ryan tells David Cook to swap places with Syesha. I guess that means Team David is now Team Syesha. Hell, I'm confused.

Archuleta sits cross-legged the minute he's told to join the safe team. Ryan drags Team Jason/David/Carly to the squatter, leaving the bottom dwellers, Brooke, Syesha and Kristy.

After a commercial, Kristy, Brooke and Syesha stand center stage. Ryan sends Syesha back to the sofa to join her friends, the kook kids. Brooke and Kristy are all huggy. Randy says he can't call this week. Paula babbles. Simon avoids any more hamburger analogies.

Ryan tells Brooke she's safe and, after countless escapes from eviction, Kristy Lee Cook gets booted. How nice for her, though, that it was after a really good performance.

There are many many tears. We watch her journey as she listens to Ruben.

She makes the most of her final sing. Good girl Kristy. And good luck.

She better get her damn horse back.