moving on up: a simulblog...

Yay! We're moving out of the small studio with its ugly eyeball stage and into the big place with its sparkly and special big stage. But we have to get rid of four bodies before we can do that.

Plus Bo's gonna sing. The only thing that could make this better would be free beer.

Warning to our friends on the West Coast: this will be live blogging, published at every killing, so if you don't want to know, here's not the place to be. Until later, of course. Please come back later and rant/rave along with the rest of us.

THIS is American Idol.

Ryan looks quite handsome in his suit as he points to the odd-looking stools replacing what used to be the dawgpound, that will seat 12 butts at the end of the show.

We get a review of the guys and girls' performances from the last two nights, but unfortunately no revisit from the Easter Bunny. Bummer.

Oh yay. It's Bo. I'm giddy. His album is about to go platinum, and he's bragging about his baby, who loves Jim Croce and Skynyrd. Smart kid. He's going to sing The Real Thing, predicts he'll go home and carries the mic stand just like old times.

Maybe we'll get lucky and get a stay from the group number tonight. After all, bashing the dreams and hopes of four young people is gonna take some time for dramatic effect after all.

Watching the commercials, it suddenly dawns on me that beginning next week it's the return of the always-cheesy Ford spots.

We're getting down to business! The women are lined up on the sofa of death, and Ryan informs them they're looking for the biggest loser. Lisa is given a stay, Melissa, who's looking stunning, is given a pass, Ayla is okay. Then without warning, Kinnik is shot between the eyes, told by Ryan that "that's the way it goes," and shows incredible graciousness in her exit.

Paula tells her to pick better songs. Paula, honey, she has no more songs to pick.

And Kinnik gets to sing the song that got her booted...

Now the guys are stuck on the couch and they and Ryan engage in a little useless banter as they try to fill minutes. Again, they're looking for the one who finished last. Kevin's grannies came through for him, Gedeon looks about to pass out and is told he's okay. Bucky is next, has to endure a Rocky joke, and is given a pass. Time for Elliott, who is safe and in desperate need of a new hairstyle. Will gets no mercy and no lead in. Why don't they just shoot them in the face with a water gun? Or an uzi.

Will is sweet, recognizing his mates, and I've decided everybody's wrong. He does not look like Bobby Brady. He more resembles Peter.

And he gets to sing the song that killed him...

He should have sung it like that last night.

Those Doublemint Twins crack me up. Not the blond ones. And there appears there's absolutely nothing on FOX, outside of Idol, that I would ever watch. [Commercial commentary. At no extra charge.]

We're back and gonna fill those silver seats with girls. We're looking for the second-lowest girl, and Paris goes a bit dramatic even for a teenager when she gets the first one. Katharine is told to switch seats. They hug. Oh geez. More hugging.

Kellie gets sent to sit at the big people's side of the stage and, yes, more hugging. Mandisa is next and Melissa, Lisa and Ayla are looking totally devastated.

Group hug. On the good side of the eyeball.

Lisa is told to cross the stage as the youngest in the 12. [Well, there went that prediction.] Ryan leaves Ayla and Melissa alone on the sofa of death and tells them they'll find out their fate "after the break."

Ayla is reminded that she's a basketball star. She's got a scholarship after all. Well, school starts in the fall Ayla, and you'll be there right on time. Geez. I was just starting to like her and now she's trying so hard not to cry. I hope they don't make her sing. She says she never cries as tears stream down her face. Oh hell, now I'm crying too.

Simon tells her she wasn't rotten. The song was. So they let her sing it again. What do these people use for brains?

Ayla leaves and guys are already seated at death's door. Taylor is safe and acts like, well, Taylor. Ace and his beanie are next, and he is safe. The tension builds as Chris gets all the drama like we don't know where he's going next.

Time for Kevin who hauls ass across the stage into Chris' arms.

Ryan reminds Elliott what he's had to endure thus far, invoking the name Brittenum. Holy crap, Jesse and Frank are in the audience. Must be out on parole. Get those idiots off of my screen now!

Back to Elliott. I was worried, but he's safe, and I'm happy.

And of course, with Gedeon and Bucky seated, facing the firing squad, the Brittenum Twits and one final song, we have to sell more damn Coke.

Bucky gets the good news, and Gedeon is still smiling. He's got the cutest dimples.

And we get to hear him one more time...

The last four bootees get to watch their tributes to the tune of You Had a Bad Day. Well, one might say that I suppose.

The finalists are partying on the eyeball as Ryan reminds us that next week is two hours of Stevie Wonder.

See you then...


tag: american idol