Thursday, March 02, 2006

kicking them to the curb: a simulblog...

Time to trim the fat, lose the dead weight, do all those things that will reduce our semi-final field from 20 to 16, with only one more elimination week left until the kids hit the big stage with the big band and the big studio audience.

Yes, it's a simulblog, which means I'm typing as I'm watching, and in my advanced age, I'm not as multi-functional as I once was, so ignore the typos, the misplaced commas, the misspelled words and the general mechanical ickiness that will stick in my craw and bother the heck out of me until I fix it.

Warning to the West: I will be publishing as each of the four are beheaded, so if you don't want to be spoiled, you might want to go elsewhere. Otherwise, hang around and party!

It's execution time!

Because THIS is American Idol. It is not Skating with Celebrities. That comes on next...

Ryan gives the normal greeting, reminding us, as if we need it, that it's Thursday and that means four more eliminations because not all of the 40 some million votes went to Brenna, even though she thinks they probably did. He tells us that Carrie's in the house and brings out the entire group who reminds us to Love the One We're With, and, as we figured, it's the girls doing all the singing of words and the guys doing all the Ooooos.

Oh my. What can be said about that group sing? Give me a minute, and I'll think of something. Maybe.

On second thought, give me more time than that.

It's been 17 minutes of commercials, and I still can't come up with words adequate.

You know how dreadful the individual performances were? Multiply that. By a lot. Then some more.

There. That worked.

The kids are stuck in the red room, while we are reminded how bad most of the performances were, how childish the judges were and generally makes us wonder why we watch this show.

And it's time for Carrie, the little farm girl from Oklahoma who has been able to do everything she's ever wanted. She says she misses the judges. Carrie, honey, you won. Stop sucking up. She's going to sing Jesus Take the Wheel. Why am I not surprised? Ryan reminds us that the song spent six weeks as number one on the country charts. The girls are singing backup on the balcony, and it's clear Carrie has the same immaculate fashion sense she had last year. Don't they pay her any money to buy nice stuff?

But she has learned a bit about performance, as opposed to just singing, obviously. And, as is custom when the incumbent comes back home to show off, she playfully takes her place on the eyeball to receive her judgment. And all she gets is Ryan and another half hour of commercials.

We're back...

And it's the girls on the sofa of death. Ryan pulls Lisa out, giving her the safe sign. Looks like we're going bottom three. Ayla is next; she is safe and sighs heavily, like she was worried. Katharine is safe. Mandisa is also safe. Shocker.

Kinnik is next. I like her hat. And she's summoned, hat and all, to the stage. Brenna lost another bet with the hairdresser and is told to stand next to Kinnik. It's Kellie's turn, and she's told she can stay with the good singers, just like Paris. They hug.

It's down to Heather and Melissa. They hug. Lots of hugging. And Heather's told to join the bad singers.

Brenna is executed quickly and reminds us straight away why we detested her by shrugging her shoulders and announcing she's ready to start making money. And God help us, she's going to sing again. I'm kind of bummed about the quick killing. I wanted it slow, painful and agonizing, in the same way she has tortured all of us. Thank you America, for putting her out of my misery.

Kinnik and Heather are back on the eyeball. The judges are joking about why these two are facing the firing squad; Heather looks about to kick each of them in the stomach, and I wouldn't blame her.

Heather gets the boot, more hugging and she tells everyone how happy she is to be going home to her goats. She, of course, gets to sing the song that got her ejected. And in doing so proves why.

Goodbye Heather.

It's time for the guys on the sofa. Bucky is asked if he thinks he's in the bottom three. He shrugs. Ryan says he's safe. Everybody applauds. Ace looks nervous, says he hopes he's not in the bottom and is told he isn't. Elliott is looking fine in leather, says he thinks he did okay, and is told he's okay.

Sway is reminded how underjoyed the judges were last night and told to hit the stage. Time for Taylor, who says he does NOT think he's bottom three and says WHOA when he's told he's right. David looks like he just lost his puppy and is told to go stand with Sway. Chris hopes America agreed with the judges and is told to sit still. Gedeon is safe, which leaves Will and Kevin. Everybody boos that Kevin is sent to the stage.

First one executed is David, who says he's glad to be going home, but his face says otherwise. Ahh. That was a sad one. Then he sings. And it's not all that sad anymore.

Sway and Kevin are asked how it all feels to be facing extinction. The judges are joking again, primarily because Paula had too many something sometime today. Simon expects Sway to be leaving, and he's right. Sway is history.

The gang surrounds the dearly departed and Brenna keeps posing. We are treated to their funeral tapes, good looks at them when they were excited and so full of hope.

THIS is American Idol.

tag: american idol


Blogger Sunny said...

I love your quick sarcastic comments that you make as the show is going on. It kind of reminds me of Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham), but that is a whole other conversation for a totally different blogger site. On with AI:

I was kinda bummed at first to see that David was leaving, but after seeing his reaction to his departure, I guess you could tell he didn't want to be there anymore. Maybe if he sang "Fly me to the Moon" instead, he could have made it through. I don't know, thats just my opinion.
I knew Sway was going home. Too many people don't like men who sing like Michael Jackson talks. And that's all I have to say about that.

I am sure that out of the 40 million votes that were tallied, Brenna and Heather's probably totalled about 10. Two for Brenna which were probably by her parents who were forced to vote for her and 8 for Heather who were probably from her goats, because like she said, THEY were the ones that supported her through this journey.

I dont know whats going to happen next week, but I do know that they ALL have to step up their game.

9:26 PM, March 02, 2006  
Blogger ChantillyLace88 said...

haha..i absolutely LOVE your commentary. I think the girls were the exact right ones to go...Thank Goodness Brenna is gone!! As for the was the right two to go too...i probably woulda picked Kevin over Sway...but whatever....those three are gonna go eventually anyway. And yeah...Paula was definetly on something. She's starting to annoy me this season...maybe it's just me....can't wait to see what you say on Tuesday!!

9:40 PM, March 02, 2006  
Blogger Dave said...

I can't believe it took us this long to get rid of Brenna.

Ace is now this season's leading eye-boinker, but at least he's not obvious about it.

I was very surprised that Charlie Brown was in the bottom 3, but I think this just may have been a ploy to get his powervoters motivated.

9:56 PM, March 02, 2006  
Blogger purplvr said...

Just got through watching the Execution Show and could not believe Chicken Little is still in the running! I have a feeling that by next Thursday, he will KNOW that the sky is falling. Like Simon said, it wasn't about the singing ... sad but true. He should be thankful to all the tweeny boppers out there who dialed in to save his feathers.
Sway was a gracious loser to say the least. I didn't hate his performance last night, and I'm kind of sad to see him go.
As for Crooner Boy, I think he looked more like he wanted to kill his puppy (or anyone else, for that matter).
Poor Heather and Brenna. NOT. At least not for Brenna, who makes me want to find her parents and slap them for not doing something else the night they conceived her. Brenna. Honey. BUH-BYE!!! Good luck making those millions, too. (gag me)
My fiancé and I thought that Heather actually did a better job when she sang again tonight but OF COURSE SHE DID ... the pressure is off her now.
Lastly, WHAT IS UP WITH PAULA??? Fox needs to start doing mandatory drug/alcohol screenings before each show. She was totally embarrassing herself tonight with her "Simon just told me to say ____" .. ha ha ha ....puh-leeeze.
Here's hoping that next week is a lot better than this one in terms of performances. Now we all have 5 days to recuperate from THIS week, and not a moment too soon.

10:27 PM, March 02, 2006  
Blogger ChantillyLace88 said...

I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only one who thought Paula definetly was on something tonight.

10:37 PM, March 02, 2006  
Blogger Happy Hiker said...

Wow! That was some good commentaries. Geez' I didn't miss much. I amlost sat there imagining wacthing it. I checked out the end while the ~ next week on susrvivor~ came on. I said, "Is Paula Abdul, 'Cold Hearted Snake ... uh oh, he's been telling lies.' Drunk or what?

12:15 AM, March 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the insightful comments. I think I'm through watching the execution episodes. I'll just read your commentary and find out everything I need to know without putting up with the losers singing the songs that killed them, nor do I have to listen to Paula on Prozac. Oh well, better living through chemistry.
I'm not sure why we fuss about who loses at this point. I think we know who the six losers are on each side, so it doesn't matter in which order they depart. I am still upset that Patrick is gone. That should have never happened. I figured him as the sixth male. I would have thought that Kevin "South Park" Covais would be gone by now. It will probably come down to Kevin and Bucky as the last one eliminated before the finals begin. Keep the faith, and vote for your favorites.

12:37 AM, March 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How did you get those audio clips from the show? ~Mia

5:12 PM, March 03, 2006  
Blogger Nelle said...

OH I have missed Bo and eagerly wait his return. :) I think Bucky or Kevin aka CHicken LIttle will be the next guy to go. I still have high hopes for Katherine but she needs to pick better songs for her.

9:16 PM, March 05, 2006  

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