kicking them to the curb: a simulblog...

Time to trim the fat, lose the dead weight, do all those things that will reduce our semi-final field from 20 to 16, with only one more elimination week left until the kids hit the big stage with the big band and the big studio audience.

Yes, it's a simulblog, which means I'm typing as I'm watching, and in my advanced age, I'm not as multi-functional as I once was, so ignore the typos, the misplaced commas, the misspelled words and the general mechanical ickiness that will stick in my craw and bother the heck out of me until I fix it.

Warning to the West: I will be publishing as each of the four are beheaded, so if you don't want to be spoiled, you might want to go elsewhere. Otherwise, hang around and party!

It's execution time!

Because THIS is American Idol. It is not Skating with Celebrities. That comes on next...

Ryan gives the normal greeting, reminding us, as if we need it, that it's Thursday and that means four more eliminations because not all of the 40 some million votes went to Brenna, even though she thinks they probably did. He tells us that Carrie's in the house and brings out the entire group who reminds us to Love the One We're With, and, as we figured, it's the girls doing all the singing of words and the guys doing all the Ooooos.

Oh my. What can be said about that group sing? Give me a minute, and I'll think of something. Maybe.

On second thought, give me more time than that.

It's been 17 minutes of commercials, and I still can't come up with words adequate.

You know how dreadful the individual performances were? Multiply that. By a lot. Then some more.

There. That worked.

The kids are stuck in the red room, while we are reminded how bad most of the performances were, how childish the judges were and generally makes us wonder why we watch this show.

And it's time for Carrie, the little farm girl from Oklahoma who has been able to do everything she's ever wanted. She says she misses the judges. Carrie, honey, you won. Stop sucking up. She's going to sing Jesus Take the Wheel. Why am I not surprised? Ryan reminds us that the song spent six weeks as number one on the country charts. The girls are singing backup on the balcony, and it's clear Carrie has the same immaculate fashion sense she had last year. Don't they pay her any money to buy nice stuff?

But she has learned a bit about performance, as opposed to just singing, obviously. And, as is custom when the incumbent comes back home to show off, she playfully takes her place on the eyeball to receive her judgment. And all she gets is Ryan and another half hour of commercials.

We're back...

And it's the girls on the sofa of death. Ryan pulls Lisa out, giving her the safe sign. Looks like we're going bottom three. Ayla is next; she is safe and sighs heavily, like she was worried. Katharine is safe. Mandisa is also safe. Shocker.

Kinnik is next. I like her hat. And she's summoned, hat and all, to the stage. Brenna lost another bet with the hairdresser and is told to stand next to Kinnik. It's Kellie's turn, and she's told she can stay with the good singers, just like Paris. They hug.

It's down to Heather and Melissa. They hug. Lots of hugging. And Heather's told to join the bad singers.

Brenna is executed quickly and reminds us straight away why we detested her by shrugging her shoulders and announcing she's ready to start making money. And God help us, she's going to sing again. I'm kind of bummed about the quick killing. I wanted it slow, painful and agonizing, in the same way she has tortured all of us. Thank you America, for putting her out of my misery.

Kinnik and Heather are back on the eyeball. The judges are joking about why these two are facing the firing squad; Heather looks about to kick each of them in the stomach, and I wouldn't blame her.

Heather gets the boot, more hugging and she tells everyone how happy she is to be going home to her goats. She, of course, gets to sing the song that got her ejected. And in doing so proves why.

Goodbye Heather.

It's time for the guys on the sofa. Bucky is asked if he thinks he's in the bottom three. He shrugs. Ryan says he's safe. Everybody applauds. Ace looks nervous, says he hopes he's not in the bottom and is told he isn't. Elliott is looking fine in leather, says he thinks he did okay, and is told he's okay.

Sway is reminded how underjoyed the judges were last night and told to hit the stage. Time for Taylor, who says he does NOT think he's bottom three and says WHOA when he's told he's right. David looks like he just lost his puppy and is told to go stand with Sway. Chris hopes America agreed with the judges and is told to sit still. Gedeon is safe, which leaves Will and Kevin. Everybody boos that Kevin is sent to the stage.

First one executed is David, who says he's glad to be going home, but his face says otherwise. Ahh. That was a sad one. Then he sings. And it's not all that sad anymore.

Sway and Kevin are asked how it all feels to be facing extinction. The judges are joking again, primarily because Paula had too many something sometime today. Simon expects Sway to be leaving, and he's right. Sway is history.

The gang surrounds the dearly departed and Brenna keeps posing. We are treated to their funeral tapes, good looks at them when they were excited and so full of hope.

THIS is American Idol.


tag: american idol