Thursday, February 23, 2006

the first massacre: a simulblog...

Warning to those in the West. This will contain spoilers. Once a wannabe is executed, I will publish. If they hold the killings until the end of the show, then I'll hold until that happens. But I am typing as I'm watching, so there will be typos, missplaced commas and uncensored thoughts.

Just so you know. If you want to be surprised, don't stop by until later. But thanks for stopping by!! See you soon.

_____________

It's time to start losing the dead wood. Hopefully the green stuff will be left, but sometimes the green goes into the trash pile with the crappy stuff.

It's the first elimination episode of American Idol, Season Five. And it's been a long wait since May, through dancing shows, Apprentices, Survivors, holidays, auditions and Crazy Dave to get to this moment.

They look scared all standing there on the stage with Ryan. But they all look adorably cute posed up and down the staircase, Brady Bunch style. Maybe they don't know yet that we're gonna kill four of them before the hour's up. Or maybe they learned Brenna, who obviously lost a bet with one of the hair stylists, got the crap beat out of her by Kevin. Who knows.

It's an hour of results tonight, like we need an hour to eliminate four people. Fifteen minutes tops is all that's necessary. But we must crush little women figure skaters and B celebrity dancers, so an hour it is. Therefore, to fill time, we are treated to Simon/Paula banter, followed by Simon/Ryan banter, followed by even more analysis of what happened over the last two nights. We know what happened. We were there.

Oh geesh. It's a group number. Why in the holy hell are they starting the group numbers this early? That stage isn't big enough for little Kevin, much less 23 others. That's why the kids are on the balcony, sitting on the edge of the stage, lined up and down the stairs and generally hanging from the rafters. They're begging us to Take it Easy. Easy for them to sing. Actually, quality not withstanding, they look like they're having fun. Well, I suppose that's something. And it is their funeral, after all.

Commercial...

Ryan warns us that time for segregation is upon us, BUT!! first we must remember who sang what when via video flashbacks. Oh please take some of those people off my television! But they end with "smouldering looks," so it's all good.

It's time to knock off two of the girls!! Finally, the bloodletting has begun. Ryan re-introduces us to all fo the ladies and gives Brenna a few more minutes. She talks ducks. Paris talks dreams about confetti. Heather talks breakfast. Becky raises her hand and says PICK ME! She's nervous. She's told to think like a duck.

Ryan is doing the whole back row/front row thing again, giving Mandisa, Kellie, Ayla, Lisa, Katharine and Paris a stay of execution. Dead women sitting on the bottom row, obviously as the safe ones whoop and holler. Ryan reminds them what they sang, just in case they forgot.

Heather, Stevie and Melissa are given the "you're safe" assurance (well that shot my predictions straight to hell) as Brenna, Becky and Kinnik are commanded to the center of the eyeball. And they are formally introduced to Ryan Seacrest and American Idol as they're told to wait until after the break.

I hate when he does that. Jeff Probst doesn't do that.

We're back and Ryan reminds the three rejects what the judges said about their performances, just in case they forgot. Kinnik is told to go back to the good people and Ryan delivers the death blow to Becky, who refuses a hug from Brenna. Paula's crying again. Paula's going to be a basket case this season if she's bawling with the first killing. Simon says that as a singer, she will make a great model. Randy says the song she picked was too big for her. So in true American Idol tradition, they let her sing it again, as if we deserve that kind of punishment for not calling the right number.

I choose not to be punished. I choose to potty.

Bad song. Two hours of commercials....

Ryan has the guys all lined up on the two-tiered sofa of death. Elliott talks about improvement. Kevin tells the women next time to kiss his cheeks instead of pinching them. Ryan is jealous of Kevin's smoothness, and Ace takes notes.

Ryan pulls up the front row after giving the back row a reprieve. Ace and Elliott are told to sit back down. So are Kevin and Chris, leaving Bobby and Sway as dead men standing. [Holy God, does this mean I'm going to have to hear Copacabana again? Should have held that pee.]

Ryan spares us the after the break crap and assassinates Bobby, who is very gracious in his gratitude to have gotten this far. I like this guy. I would be sad if he hadn't been so terrible. Paula is not crying.

But I am, cause, you guessed it: he's singing it again.

Potty break...

The women are back and Ryan says he's looking for the second lowest vote getter. The same six that were save last time are safe again. So is Brenna, and no one applauds. Kinnik is safe. Melissa is safe and Stevie looks pissed. Stevie and Heather get reminded what they sang and Stevie gets the ax. She says she was sick when she sang. Paula, Simon and Randy tell her she sang the wrong song so she gets to sing the wrong song all over.

I don't get this logic. But I have to pee again. I'll figure it out sometime in June.

13 hours of commercials...

And, you guessed it, the guys are all lined up for the firing squad. Ryan pulls up the back row of David, Bucky, Taylor, Patrick, Gedeon and Will. They're all reminded what they sang and what was said about them. Will and Taylor are sent back to their seats, as are Gedeon and David, leaving Patrick and Bucky. Patrick gets the bad news. The judges give him the "keep your head up" pep talk, and he gets to sing the song that killed him. I am sad, because I think Patrick could have brought something special to the competition. Now we'll never know.

Ryan lectures us, yet again, of the need to vote America, then tells us to stick around for Skating with Celebrities, but doesn't explain why.

See you next time. Same Idol time. Same Idol channel.


tag: american idol

21 Comments:

Blogger ChantillyLace88 said...

haha..I love your reviews and commentary! I agree with just about everything you said...and, by the way..did you see how Becky rolled her eyes at Brenna while refusing the hug? haha..i loved it! I wish becky stayed longer and Brenna went home..but oh well...and I agree w/you on Bobby...you can tell hes a good guy...great attitude...but..he wouldnt last much longer anyway..and yeah..woulda liked to see Patrick stay on longer too...right choice with sending Stevie home though...can't wait to see what you say on Tuesday!!

9:59 PM, February 23, 2006  
Blogger Becky said...

Are you gonna put dramatic red X's on the axed contestants' photos?
;-)

10:05 PM, February 23, 2006  
Blogger jennifer said...

LOL Becky. I prefer the more subtle and sophisticated black and white. The kids have already been massacred, why make it worse?

Besides, I don't know how to do dramatic red X's.

:o)

10:18 PM, February 23, 2006  
Blogger JR said...

Great reviews and comments. Patrick got the short end of the stick tonight. I thought he might be on the bubble to make the final 6 guys. Bucky, David, and Sway should be in their room, on their knees acknowledging the fact that there is a God and He has been very gracious to them tonight.

10:38 PM, February 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the black and white photos once they are gone. I love your site.

12:48 AM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous gavintiegirl said...

Great site....I give props to you on my site.

12:49 AM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous someone's mother said...

Did Becky's voice lose? Or did her outfit loose it for her? You decide. You still rock!

8:13 AM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I missed the hug snub! I'll have to run through my tivo tonight!

10:09 AM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

excellent site!.. your opinion sseem to match mine and many others! I really do hope Brenna goes soon though. the posing is very annoying.

10:46 AM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoy your comments and agree... Patrick would have been great to watch more. Will and Brenna should be thanking God that they made it through... With Becky gone who will have to put up with Brenna as a roommate for one more week; cause I am sure she is next TO GO!

1:11 PM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE TO FIND THE ACTUAL VOTING TOTALS? I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOW MANY VOTES EVERYONE GOT! STILL LOVING ACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:14 PM, February 24, 2006  
Blogger jennifer said...

Sorry Anonymous. They never, ever release vote totals. Ever.

2:24 PM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Becky not only refused the hug from Brenna, she took a step back from Ryan as he tried to touch her arm. Then a little later he tried it again... and she stepped back again! She wasn't in the mood for touchy feely for sure.

3:43 PM, February 24, 2006  
Blogger purplvr said...

I had to replay the Becky snub several times just to make sure exactly how it went. She didn't just pull back from Brenna's hug, she JERKED away from her. She also jerked away from Ryan and tried not to look as p.o.'d as we all know she was. Can't say I wouldn't be any better of a loser but, good grief, the woman and her equally beautiful twin sister are set up now for modeling careers! They've already started by doing the cover of MaXXim magazine, for crying out loud. So maybe Stevie should be extremely p.o.'d but little Ms. Becky needs to chill. She's still gonna make tons o'money, IMHO!

5:48 PM, February 24, 2006  
Blogger jennifer said...

I LMAO at the look on Becky's face when she lost to Brenna - she was literally shocked. Earth to Becky: you can't sing. And I give extra special bonus points to America for not getting suckered in by her prettiness.

6:08 PM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

U go Jennifer.
I don't always agree with your comments but your site rocks!!!!

9:11 PM, February 24, 2006  
Blogger jennifer said...

Thanks anonymous! And if we all agreed, this show wouldn't be any fun! :o)

I have a rule with my kids: we can disagree about the singers but agree we all love the show. (You should have seen us the year they loved JPL. I had to remind myself that I loved THEM. And they did not get that from me.)

9:37 PM, February 24, 2006  
Blogger Dave said...

If Seacrest keeps pulling the manufacturedr drama crap, I might have to start skipping the results shows and only watch the shows where there is competitive singing.

That way, I'll also have the good fortune of missing out on the group sings, too.

I thought for sure that Becky's sheer hawt-ness would get her a spot in the top 12. It worked for Kimberly Caldwell . . .

8:33 PM, February 25, 2006  
Anonymous Gina said...

Jennifer,

Is it me.....or was the tune that Lisa Tucker belted out "I Am Changing....the very song that the little 10 year old sang from http://www.cbs.com/primetime/star_search/junior/020603.shtml (Star Search) ?? The 10 year old beat out Lisa who was 13 then. Do you think Lisa's voice is better than it was then? I'm not on the bandwagon for Lisa yet. There are others who sang better than she did last week, I think.

GIna

1:54 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger jennifer said...

Gina, I didn't watch Star Search (did once, but Naomi made me want to hurl), but according to that website, Tiffany sang "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going," which is not the same song.

I am not on the Lisa bandwagon either. I think she has a pleasant voice and did well Wednesday, but she needs to take a look at Paris' video about presentation. She needs to appeal to the teens/tweens, and with song choices like last week, ain't gonna happen. I think she'll make top 12, but won't last through six, so far.

2:00 PM, February 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot!
» » »

5:43 PM, August 16, 2006  

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Thanks Rob for the awesome image!