auditions: simulblogging boston...

We have finally reached the end of the audition road. We're battered. We're bruised. We've had our senses assaulted. And our ears. And they're promising that the best talent yet will come out of Beantown.

That's what they say.

One hundred seventy five people are going to Hollywood. We'll get the chance to hear a batch of them tonight. Others will remain unheard, unseen until we see them in a horrid group number. Or the chair. The first of the three Hollywood episodes airs tomorrow. Finally. This show is on the road.

Once we get through this episode.

[Just a reminder - this is live blogging. There will be typos. Links will be added tomorrow or if and as soon as they become available.]

Boston is the proudest city on the audition tour, we're told. We get the expected tea party references and we know we're in trouble when the first one up calls himself a Ghost and raps his way to a rejection.

But it's finally time to hear from much-touted Ayla Brown, the 17-year-old daughter of a state senator and a newscaster who plays basketball. She's very pretty, but automated. She gets through on a split decision after promising to absorb the constructive criticism and work on her "stage presence." Her parents decree that Paula, whose vote advances young Ayla, is the goddess of Maryland and Paula Abdul Day is declared in her honor.

Okay, so I'm joking. They just decide to buy her records. Same difference.

Oh good. We're treated to the parade of the crappy people, complete with butchered melodies, destroyed lyrics, tears to mama and little tiny American Idol icons covering up the potty mouths.

It's the war with the British again, says Ryan. How did I know that line was going to come up somewhere?

More twins! But, unlike the others, they're not going to audition together, because one has a bad vocal cord. Becky O'Donahue performs Black Magic with sis crouching in the corner, performing vicariously. Becky looks terrific, sounds really crappy, but Randy and Paula see promise and put her through.

Tatiana Ward only wants her grandma to be proud, sucks up to Randy's taste in sweaters, does Stevie Wonder and is told she resembles a poodle. She starts a string of female yellow ticket holders, none of which we get to hear, because we have to save time to see montages of people working and listen to Cher, masquerading as somebody named Kenneth keep her his dignity.

Did I mention that tonight is the last audition episode? Did I mention how happy I am about that?

But there is a bright spot in the darkness, embodied in an unexpected 16-year-old Kevin Covais, who touches my heart with "You Raise Me Up." Of course he doesn't look like an American Idol and will undoubtedly impress the over-80 crowd, but, aside from my cowboy Garret, he's the first of the guys that has made me smile. I like him. He gets through. I am happy. Makeover people: code blue.

Tonight's promo overkill is, apparently, the love child of Clay Aiken and Pee Wee Herman, who is not a crappy singer, he assures us, he just is nervous. And forgot his Depends. And in the scripted drama segment of the evening rushes to the little boy's room, doesn't forget to wash his hands, returns to the stage and is summarily sent to the door.

We get a retrospective of the auditions, as if we needed salt in our wound, and we're given a glimpse of hell week as the kids form groups, learn to play well with others, scratch each others eyes out and other such assorted good things.

Finally. Things are gonna start getting good.

Good riddance auditions. Game on.

tag: american idol