12 guys, 10 spots: hey, you don't suck...

Well, some of them didn't suck on Tuesday night as the top 12 men kicked off the seventh season of America's favorite karaoke contest.

Because THIS is American Idol!

And it was 60s night with a limited catalog of song titles from which to choose (and considering some of the choices, I swear the editor of the catalog was smoking something slightly illegal.) Nonetheless, it was a potpourri of total suckiness and relative brilliance and everything in between.

Anyway, here are my impressions, a little late as they probably will be this season, but as always from worst to first:

Chikeze No-longer-Eze (More Today than Yesterday). Yikes. If there was ever a poster boy for Lounge Lizards, I think he's been found, orange suit and all. There was nothing - nothing - enjoyable about this performance, and any charm he may or may not have had that might have saved him he lost in his infantile banter with Simon.

Danny Noriega (Jailhouse Rock). Luckily for Danny, he shared the stage with the lizard, which boosts him out of worst place. There was nothing redeeming about this performance, from the first note to the post-performance interview. I commented earlier that this kid would soon get on my nerves. Soon came faster than even I thought.

Garrett Haley (Breaking Up is Hard to Do). This kid kinda scares me. I don't know if it's the hair, the voice or the personality, but I predicted he would be first out, and nothing about this out of tune performance makes me want to change my mind.

Luke Menard (Everybody's Talkin'). Luke is hawt. Now if he could only sing better. In his defense, it was a terrible choice of song. I hope he gets a second try, though, because he's hawt.

Jason Yeager (Moon River). The bestest thing about Jason is his adorable lookalike son. But I wish for him he had waited to dedicate this sleepy ballad until he had already made a first impression. It wasn't snooze-inducingly bad, but it wasn't American Idol-worthy. I hope, though, that he gets a second chance. Cause I love his kid.

David Hernandez (Wait Till the Midnight Hour). David #3 gets credit for putting his own twist on this song, just enough of a credit to equal out a bum note at the end. Starting the show, I was ready to call him gone, but in comparison to many of the others, I think he's got at least another week left.

Colton Berry (Suspicious Minds). Unlike Colton, I don't love this song, but he didn't murder it, and by the mid-part of this performance episode, not sucking is good.

Robbie Carrico (One). The former boy-bander has decided he's a rocker, complete with a Daughtry wallet chain. He turned in a perfectly-enjoyable performance, one that should easily secure him a second appearance.

David Cook (Happy Together). Okay, I'll admit a bit of bias right off the bat: I love this song. So, shoot me. And I really enjoyed David #2's rendition, enough to boost my faith that he'll be singing into March, where the hair stylists will be in heaven.

Jason Castro (What a Day for a Daydream). Jason is the only contestant to haul out an instrument, in this case a guitar, and delivers one of the better performances of the night. And he deserves to advance on hair alone.

David Archuleta (Shop Around). Seems that people either love or hate this kid, David #1. He's 17. I think he's adorable and finally we seem to have a teen boy (he's 17) who has actual talent. And he's 17. No joke.

Michael Jones (Light my Fire). The guy who I think is going to win this whole show gets to wrap up the night, which guarantees his advancement, but he could have delivered this in the lead-off position and still be guaranteed to move forward. Heck, why don't we already put him in the finale.

So who's going home? Any two of six could leave Thursday, and I wouldn't shed a tear, but I'm going with my first hunch of Garrett and joining him with the VFTW poster child, Danny Noriega.

The women will take the stage tonight. They can't be much worse.