happy birthday, now leave: a simulblog...

It's Wednesday which means one thing: someone must die. And we get to watch it happen! Tonight they're promising a crappy group sing, a crappy Ford commercial, lots of crappy banter to fill time and a flashback to yesteryear, uh, I mean day, all so that we can have 22 minutes of commercials and the executed one gets no more than 30 seconds of funeral time before the credits roll.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is another simulblog, written as it unfolds with publishing at significant breaks in the action, so if you don't want to be spoiled, I hear Lottso's lottsa fun over there at Pogo. Just promise to come back.

I'll alert everybody on the tagboard to refresh when the news is important, like the announcement of the bottom two, so if you're trying to keep track, keep an eye out.

Oh goodie, Carmen Electra is in the audience, and Ryan just continues to look more and more handsome. He brags about the 45 million zillion trillion votes cast last night.

Chris says he's holding up well. Too bad half of his vocal cord last night wound up in Paula's coke cup. Taylor gushes about his couchmates, and Katharine, who is getting very very cuddly with Elliott, admits last night the pressure got to her. Time for Paris to gush about her colleagues. Awww. They love each other. And leave it to Elliott to leave us with the image of him in a pool of sweat at the Kodak. Maybe they can find Pickler's snotrag.

Time for the crappy group sing. Choir and everything. Can't help but wonder when the kids were given the lyrics to this song, as each of them looks like they're staring into the teleprompter. And when they're not drowned out by the band, they're swallowed up by the choir. Dang. This group sings so well together, it's too bad in one of the very rare times they're able to, they get a crappy song for the crappy sing. Crap.

The crappy Ford commercial is kinda dreary until they're at the end, but with only five, they all fit in one Ford! But I simply must get a screencap of those kids at the end.

We get to see a recap of the performances from the evening before, considering it has been over 24 hours since we saw them live.

After the break...

And we're back and ready to roll. Ryan explains the whole Graceland plans about how four of them are flying to Elvis' home to meet with Priscilla and Tommy and singing TWO Elvis songs next week.

Taylor gets his reviews. He is safe. No surprises there.

Chris is next. He gets reminded of the split decision he got last night. And he's safe too.

Paris, who's seated in the center, gets hers and then really gets hers, sent to the stage. Again. The crowd groans like they're surprised. Earth to audience: Ahem... She sang second! Where have you been?

And she gets to sing. And she's chosen to sing Prince. Again.

And in one of the funniest ever moments, she loses her mic battery but keeps dancing as Ryan chases her around, trying to tuck the thing back in her pants. That was priceless.

Katharine and Elliott remain. And we're taking another break.

We're back. Elliott gets reminded of his reviews. Katharine does too.

They look nervous. And Katharine is told she's safe.

Time for Elliott to sing. And he chooses On Broadway, this time with no nerves hopefully. And no lost battery packs, although he'd be easier to chase than a 17 year old.

Paris and Elliott give big hugs. And Elliott is told to take a seat.

The kids look devastated as she waves to the crowd.

We see her funeral footage to the real Bad Day.

Gosh it's sad to see any of them leave, and as usual, the ones on the sofa take it harder than the ousted one.

So long Paris. Good luck.