Wednesday, May 04, 2005

SIMULBLOG: we're not as heavy now, brother

It's hanging day! Yay! Time to cut some more of the fat from the show. The problem with trimming fat, though, is that to get it all, you gotta cut into the meat. Last week, we cut too much of the meat.

Ryan reminds us that the finale is just three weeks from now as he introduces the kids, and assures us that the judges do not know the results of the voting. Then, as usual, we are forced to relive the events of the night preceding. And then more pimping of the website.

Uh oh. It's the group song and they're gonna mess with Clay's signature song Bridge Over Troubled Water. Bo really needs to lose the sunglasses, but this starting out to be the best group song yet. (Not that that is saying much. Wouldn't take much.) Ang Carrie sings above all the others, as normal. Do they just turn up her mic or is it her? Haven't figured that one out. They're giving this one to Bo and Scott, it seems, and they're doing a decent job of it. Scratch that. Time for the overscreaming. Why must they feel it's a contest to see who can outscreech? Why?

But they save themselves by present floral bouquets to their judges. (Musta wanted to tell Paula everything's gonna come up roses [or daisies] later tonight and couldn't show any preference else face charges of pollenating with only certain judges next time ABC wants to generate some ratings. Smart kids.

But, in the grand scheme of group songs, it was pretty good.

How many commercials can you fit in a half-hour show anyway? But, I'll be honest, I hope Fantasia beats the crap outta Lisa Simpson.

Adorably cute Ford spot, using, creatively, another Leiber and Stoller song. I love the Ruby song.

Happy Birthday to Anthony!! Everyone cheers. Ooo. 20. Tough year to live through. Anthony is sent to the sofa, but no one says he's safe.

The Vonz gets her reviews and......she is told to stay put. Ooooo.

Scott rehears his critiques and....he's sent to the couch with Anthony. Doesn't look good for the couch.

Bo is next, and .... and.... and.... Bo is told to FREEZE. As is Carrie.

Couch is bad. Obviously.

If Anthony outlasts Scott at this point, I'm never ever going to watch this show again. Actually I'm just joking, but I never got to say that last week when everyone else was taking vows of AI chastity, and I so hate being left out.

Ryan says both Scott and Anthony, the couch potatoes, are gonna sing. If Anthony sings Poison Ivy, I'm gonna poison his little ivys, I swear. I don't care if it IS his birthday. I think the band can handle playing whatever the condemned wants to sing, so they both should be able to choose what they want.

Scott is first and he does NOT choose his best song from last night. Again with the sleepy song that I've never heard of. Well, I guess I've heard it now. Too many times. Hey! He said "damn" and "homeys". What interesting lyrics. I didn't hear them last night. I had fallen asleep by that point, apparently.

Oooo. That was, well, bad.

Anthony is choosing wisely. He's singing the boy band song. Backstreet Boys? Are they still alive? I thought they were hanging out in Boy Band Hell with the guys from 'N Sync. Obviously I was wrong. But, if they can credit On Broadway to George Benson instead of The Drifters, I can assume they were rewinding musical history. What can I say? I'm old.

Anthony is about as good as he was last night. And that ain't saying much. Again.

I think Scott is toast. I just had a vision of thousands of Bratz phones with receivers NOT on their cradles. Bratz phones do not call for Scott.

And so it happens. Ryan tells Anthony the bad news is that they didn't get him a card and instructs Scott to watch his funeral tape. He doesn't go crazy, he doesn't throw a phone. He's a gentleman, and accompanies the credits with one of the best songs from last night.

He says he just wants to be remembered as the guy everyone loved. Too bad so many people felt it necessary to hate him. Who are they going to hate now?

I'll miss you Scott.

Till next week.

Simulblog out...


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Thanks Rob for the awesome image!