Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Welcome to Fantasy Idol!


I told you it was a fantasy!

Clay Aiken notwithstanding, we are down to our first Idol performance AC -- after Constantine. And, regardless of your feelings about our Greek pouter, love him or hate him, think he's gorgeous or greasy, you must admit, the show just won't be the same.

But the show must go on, and go on it shall.

Ryan is staying mum on tonight's theme, except to verify what we already knew -- tonight the Idols will sing two selections, as is customary when the field is cut to five.

So rumors abound about the theme. Personally I was expecting it to be another one of those constrictive themes that have been so common this year, like, say, songs recorded and played at least once since Thomas Edison invented the phonograph. But I editorialize.

If the rumors are to be believed, and since this is a fantasy, I'll just do that, we will be hearing country, songs from movies or country songs from movies. Okay, I'm kidding. The most prevalent theme rumor is a combo night, a mixture of two themes, the first one, recent Top 40 hits, is still too inconclusive to call, but the second has a lot of backing. Therefore the second becomes my Fantasy Idol focus.

It's Fantasy Idol time -- Leiber and Stoller edition!

You may not recognize the names Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, but if you're over 30, you'll recognize the songs they wrote for such artists as The Coasters (Charlie Brown, Along Came Jones, etc.), Elvis, and The Drifters. So I've perused their songbook and found a few gems that our Idols may want to select tonight.

The great thing about Leiber and Stoller is that they wrote across the spectrum. So Carrie should be happy to find a Reba McEntire hit among the titles. Carrie might be wise to stick with the country theme and try Reba's version of
I'm a Woman. The tune is catchy, the song is familiar, and the lyrics are easy, but it does require spelling. If she doesn't like that idea, why not pull off something unexpected and perform Elvis' Hound Dog? No one would expect it, and no one can go wrong with Elvis, as long as the song isn't desecrated. Carrie can handle that.

But, if she doesn't like any of those suggestions, there's always Baby I Don't Care (cause) You're So Square.

Vonzell knows her head is quite possibly on the next chopping block, considering her appearance in last week's bottom three and watching who left the building, so my suggestion for Vonzell is
There Goes My Baby, originally recorded by The Drifters (a great version), but also a hit for Donna Summer. I suggest she choose the Donna one. If she's not up for Donna, maybe she might consider Spanish Harlem, another take-them-by-surprise selection. (Hey, if Anthony can sing Celine, Baby V can sing Ben E. King.)

No? Well Vonzell can always go postal and choose Write to Me.

Anthony is another contender for the seal, so he needs to follow up on his fine performance last week, but maybe bring up the tempo just a notch. My recommendation?
Only in America. Absolutely. It fits him, both vocally and personally, and, as long as he hits every note and has a good time, could pick him up a lot of the Constantine voters who have idle hands. (At least the ones who aren't watching the Weather Channel instead.) Or perhaps he wants to go novelty, and Leiber and Stoller were the kings of the novelty song. How about Poison Ivy?

If he doesn't like my ideas, he could always unbutton that shirt collar and belt out One Bad Stud, either in recognition of his bad self or in honor of Constantine. Whichever.

Scott needs to shut up the people who say he can't sing, by forgetting that he's in the final five and going for broke. He really has nothing to lose at this point, and last week he performed far below par. Lucky for him, so did everyone else. I think Scott should sing
On Broadway. It would fit his voice well, and it's one of those power songs which would allow Scott to prove once and for all that he deserves to be exactly where he is. But, if he doesn't like that idea, there's always the much-sung Stand By Me. That would also fit him well.

Terrible choices? Well he could always sing Riot in Cell Block #8. That is if Bo's not choosing it.

Which brings us to Bo. Here's the deal Bo. You got arrested on felony cocaine charges. Some people are vowing not to vote for you because of that revelation. Your true fans will be burning phone lines no matter what, in light of what happened to Constantine last week. What you should do is simple. Dress conservatively. Not Republican suit and tie conservative, but no wild shirts and, above all else, no glasses. Do not carry the mic stand all over the place. Stand there. And sing. And sing
Love Me. If you do that, with the emotion and the power and the angst of Elvis, it's all over. Game, set, match. It's yours. The whole shebang. But if you want to drag out the suspense a little longer, and you're just in the jog-around-the-stage-carrying-the-mic-stand kinda mood, why not consider Love Potion #9. That would be memorable.

No? Don't like those ideas, and Scott stole the Riot song? How about Ten Days in Jail?

It's just a thought.

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Thanks Rob for the awesome image!