SIMULBLOG: Shocker don't quite describe tonight

Settling in to watch another young singer wannabe be drawn and quartered, and Ryan welcomes us to the execution by telling us we're in for another "shocking" result. Well, it wouldn't be American Idol if there weren't some shocking moments along the way (hear us ABC?), so I take that to mean Scott won't be going anywhere. After all, considering even the new Pope has weighed in on how Scott should be disemboweled, anything but Scott's head on a platter would be considered "shocking" in Idol terms.

So, release the Lions! Let the bloodletting begin!

We get to see the recaps from last night's atrocity and then we are introduced to Pamela Anderson, who likes the blonde and the rockers, and the cast of her stacked show. Lame "Ryan looking down her shirt" exchange gives way to the introduction of the group song.

The Bee Gees? Emotion? Shouldn't this have been done last week during 70s dance classics? I suppose they'll be singing Britney next week. Okay, just when I thought nothing on earth could be worse than the Tsunami Tsingles, I've been proven wrong. What's another word for "horrid?"

But to make up for the wretching group song, we're treated to a genuinely terrific Ford spot. Anthony is both a plant and a fridge. And there's another CLAY sighting! Thought he divorced himself from this show.

Time to split up the kids, back into groups. Vonzell is first and sent to that side. Carrie is sent to this side, which Ryan is calling far and near. Bo hears his reviews and is sent to join Carrie in the near side group. Anthony's time, he hears his remarks and is told to join Vonzell on the far side.

The Far Side. One of my favorite strips.

Scott and Constantine are remaining, and, of course, Ryan sends all of us to the break, so FOX can advertise Weiners on Sticks and Pamela Anderson shows.

Local news promo assures us that Paula is gonna fight that other network in court. Guess she's not heard of that thing we affectionately call the 1st Amendment. She musta missed class that day. Cheerleading practice.

Scott and Constantine are flanking Ryan, as Ryan tells them to join the groups they each think they belong in. Constantine joins Carrie/Bo, and Scott tags along with him.

Ryan identifies Bo/Carrie as the top vote getters and tells Constantine he's picked the wrong crowd to hang with and sends him to the bad group as Scott soils his Depends. Simon tells Scott that if he can get that many people to vote for him he deserves to stay at the party.

Vonzell is mercifully sent back to safety as Carrie, Bo and Scott cheer wildly. Constantine and Anthony are forced to wait through another Pamela Anderson commercial.

Ryan starts in with the "did you vote America" routine. He then sends Constantine home as the kids on the couch and Anthony on the stage look more stunned than the punted rocker. Paula bawls her way through her "I love you Constantine" speech, Constantine watches his funeral tape, and sings us out with the song that killed him, sans kicking and with a sofa full of backup singers and dancers. Paula consoles Mom Maroulis, and Constantine hits the Bo stage as they allow him the entire length of the song. Hugs for his mom as we say goodnight.

A whole lot of unpredictable fun just got sucked right out of this show.

What a shame.

Till next week.

Simulblog out...