Wednesday, April 06, 2005

SIMULBLOG: One hand, one plane ticket

Here we go again. Time for another execution, and, since I'm now an hour behind my friends on the coast (or near the coast) I have a pretty good idea that what we get is not what we expect.

But I'm going to blog it as I see it anyhow.

Another record voting night -- over 32 million. And Fantasia is in the house, Ryan reminds us as we are assaulted, once again, with the atrocity that was last night. If they would spend less time rehashing the old stuff, we could spend more time on commercials. Haven't they figured that out yet?

So the first group sing will be the Tsunami Tsingle -- When You Tell Me That You Love Me. But, Ryan tells us, the other two group sings will be on the CD. They must not want to make too many copies of that CD, cutting costs, you know.

Fantasia looks great as usual, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's channeling Tina Turner. She's telling the kids to "act ugly." She musta seen last night. And Ruuuuuuuuben is in the house too! With Kimberly Caldwell, who is introduced but, apparently is in the potty. They are Weiners on a Stick, apparently. How nice that their careers are on the upswing.

And after the break, we're going to slice and dice. Great. Must mean no group sing. But wonder what the commercial will be. We've done miniatures; we've done muppets. What is left? How about a Geico spot. Or one which they just walk down the sidewalk singing. Okay.

Nikko is in the bottom three, and he's none too happy. Vonzell is next, and she's also headed to the stage. Everyone boos, and Ryan reminds the booers that it's all their fault. Scott is also sent to the stage. And he's really mad, as Ryan tells all the other kids that they're safe.

Bo says he's shocked that it's not him on the stage (yeah, right). John Stevens, uh, I mean Anthony mumbles some nonsense as he tries to hide the fact he just peed his pants, and Ryan sends us to another break to let Nikko, Vonzell and Scott catch their breath and the two people sitting on either side of Anthony to dry their seats.

Randy tells Scott he needs to go, because the others were awesome. Obviously Randy was in the potty during Nikko's performance. Paula spouts her usual, assuring each of them that they will be huge recording artists, therefore they really don't need this popsicle stand of a show, and Simon essentially says that Paula is stupid.

Vonzell is sent back to the sofa. She's safe. Well, heck, she should be. She's the only one of the three that shouldn't have been there in the first place, but maybe she'll think twice before doing a tired old song again. And hopefully she'll bitch slap Anthony later.

And there's Ruuuuuuuuuuuuben and Kimberly again, but this time it's a promo for that weiner on a stick show.

Ryan forces Nikko to tell the world what he did wrong, seeing as he's the comeback kid and all. Scott says he's not perfect. Scott, honey, it's too late to beg.

Ryan lets Scott off the hook, and he pees his pants. Nikko watches the funeral tape and remembers how lucky he was to have been able to spend four weeks on the stage. He sings the song which got him booted, dedicates it to Mario, and books a flight home to St. Louis.

Well, I was ready for a shocker and didn't get one, except for the fact that John Stevens is back and his fans are more dangerous than I had imagined.

Till next week.

Simulblog out.


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Thanks Rob for the awesome image!