Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Five minus one is four!

I knew that math class would come in handy. Eventually.

It's execution night once again on American Idol. One young wannabe will be one-a-gone, joining the pile of bodies that got a lot taller last week.

After the double dip of performances last night, are any of them safe, though? Aside from two Bo songs, one Carrie number and one from Scott, the performances were worthy of little more than a grunt.

They're calling it another "shocker." Well, of course they are. They know they're leading into the other "shocker" on the other network. What else are they gonna call it? Predictable? Boring? Not worth our time to watch?

What's going to be the "shocker?" Carrie goes home? Bo gets booted? Paula resigns? The group song is actually good?

With only five kids left standing, Ryan should pull down the bottom two tonight. Bo is probably the safest of the five. His fans haven't forgotten his trip to the seal a few weeks ago, and both of his performances solidified his ticket to the finale. The only thing that's going to put him in any danger at this point would be additional arrest records. Or denting the skull of a first row spectator with the mic stand. Or sleeping with Paula. (Using cocaine is a bad choice. Sleeping with Paula? Well, that's a whole different story...)

Last night, Carrie finally heard Simon utter the word the rest of the country has been screaming for months. We knew she was an android. Perhaps ABC should have followed that lead instead of some tawdry between-the-sheets bombshell between an aging former pop star and a seedy Michael Jackson imitator. Could Carrie be in danger of seeing the seal up close and personally tonight. Sure. She's the only one left who hasn't, so it's a possibility. That would qualify as a shocker. But I doubt it will happen. Unfortunately. (Cause after the drama that was Constantine, anything less is gonna be a letdown.)

So the top five end up being divvied thusly: There's Bo, there's Carrie, and then, kinda like Mary Ann and the Professor, there's the rest.

Scott should make it through to the final four, not only because of the tenacity of his fans, the sporadic (quit giving them the credit they don't deserve) efforts of the VFTW movement (whose site has mysteriously disappeared!), and the quality of last night's outing. I've thought from the beginning that he would/could make it to the top four -- I didn't account for a Constantine ouster. My bad. If someone held a gun to my head and forced me to say, I would predict Scott as one of the final three. He gets the Jasmine spot. Doesn't deserve it, certainly, but, for whatever reasons, he's gonna get it.

That leaves Anthony and the Vonz dangling in the wind. I picture the two of them, standing center stage, holding hands, smiling graciously and laughing anxiously as Ryan drags out their agony through 38 commercials. But the huge question looms, of course: will the reject get to sing the entire song?

And who will the reject be?

Surprisingly, this is one of the toughest I've tried to call all season. Anthony is past due. But he made some surprising strides mid-competition. Vonzell doesn't deserve to even be there, but if Constantine were still there instead of Scott, she would. Anthony had a disasterous outing, prompting me to wonder if his Poison Ivy was, indeed, the single worst AI performance ever. (Then I remembered Leah LaBelle, and decided not to think about it anymore.) Vonzell had a disappointing night. She butchered an Elvis tune and took a pass by singing the Tsunami Tsingle. (I didn't forget that little breach, and I doubt that the voters last night did either.)

Anthony was soundly and roundly dissed by the judges. Vonzell got a split decision, but Simon did send up the flare to her fans that her tenure on the stage might be coming to an end. Those flares can work sometimes. Notice no flares sent to the Anthony or Scott fans. Sometimes the best way to light a fire under the fingers of the voters is to shoot a gun at them. Figuratively speaking, of course. Please!!! No more scandals. Not tonight anyway, cause I have to get over the is Paula more stupid than we thought one first.

Can you tell I'm hedging.

Okay here goes.

Anthony should have exited stage left about four contestants ago, but Baby V will bid Daddy goodbye. One last time.

Oh I hope not, though. Cause that means we'd have to listen to that wretched Tsingle AGAIN.

This show is driving me to drink.


Blogger Dave said...

Are you glad you were wrong about last night?

11:08 AM, May 05, 2005  

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Thanks Rob for the awesome image!