diamond night: idols on speed...

It's down to five kids. It's up to two songs each. And the diamonds in the rough meet the Diamond for all ages.

It's Neil Diamond. On American Idol!

And so to honor his visit, the intrepid and always brilliant producers decide to cram ten songs into one hour, rushing the kids through the first round so poorly that none of the first round performances had the time to make any impression. Hell, they even shut the judges up until the five performances had concluded, which played havoc on Paula's fragile mental state.

I have watched every episode of every season. This was, without comparison, the poorest excuse for a performance episode ever. If they're going to insist upon selling 45 minutes of commercials and yet have the five remaining kids singing two songs each, expand the show to 90 minutes or stick to single performances and give the kids a few extra seconds of stage time.

This was unforgiveable.

But here they are, my initial impressions, subject to review and revision after a night of rest and reflection, cause honestly I couldn't keep up and don't wanna watch again so soon, but they are, as always, from worst to first.

Brooke White (I'm a Believer). Brooke chooses a guitar for this song, and starts horribly off-key, probably because she's singing far lower than she's comfortably able. I've decided they're rushing the first round of songs to fit the show into one hour and still have time for 45 minutes of commercials, because there is no nuance to the song. But there are a lot of Whoos!

Jason Castro (Forever in Blue Jeans). With his guitar in hand, Jason opened the show and struggled a tad, it seemed, with his key, before finding it quickly enough to deliver a standard, not extraordinary nor memorable, rendition of the song. It has seemed, of late, that Jason's main goal is to get his song over in the quickest way possible.

Jason Castro (September Morn). I'm trying to decide if Jason simply thinks this show is getting old, or if he just wants to go home.

Syesha Mercado (Thank the Lord for the Nighttime). Syesha still has lost the shoes, but has added the background singers to the stage. Nice touch. Too bad they can't save this song, a very poor choice of song with only five singers remaining.

David Archuleta (America). The only thing missing from this performance was the Statue of Liberty arising from the mosh pit (preferably wiping out a few dozen of the waving maniacs along the way). Simon was right; it was a clever song choice, but, despite the fact that it was flat throughout, it was typical Archuleta. The song is the same. Only the words (and occasionally the tempo) changes.

David Archuleta (Sweet Caroline). In David's first choice of the night, had I not known the lyrics I would never had recognized the song. It wasn't until he hit the chorus that it started to resemble anything remotely like the original.

Syesha Mercado (Hello Again). Syesha again gets points for bare feet and starts her first song sitting at the edge of the stage. Her vocals are strong, she's by far the best of the two women tonight, but because they're rushing this show so mercilessly, it all just seemed very forced. And fake. And that's not necessarily her fault.

David Cook (I'm Alive). Neil Diamond tells DC that he gave him goosebumps, but that he's choosing songs nobody's ever heard of. I know this song though, and David turns in a fine, if rushed version of it, staying true to the Diamond version but giving it the traditional Cook twist.

Brooke White (I Am ... I Said). This was very nice, even though it was a bit rushed, but that's the recurring theme of the night. It's very heartfelt, but that's Brooke's strong suit, even when her notes fail her. Or the lyrics. But neither did.

David Cook (All I Really Need is You). I know what's going on my iPod first thing tomorrow. Or whenever it's available. In a poorly-executed, chaotic and underperformed night, this was the highlight. But that's getting to be the tradition this season.

So, who's on the bubble?

With only five singers, they'll pull out a bottom two. And considering it's gonna take a Mack truck and the national guard to get either of the Davids off the show, the other three just have to survive at this point, and Brooke may have just done enough.

Therefore, I'll predict, not that I'm ever right, that Jason and Syesha will hit the stools and Jason will win out by a dreadlock. Not that he deserves to.

So, what did you think?