the first four killings: a SIMULBLOG!...

It's been a long drought between official executions, but the time has finally arrived! We're knocking off four tonight, two of the dudes and two of the dudettes.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And killing hopes and dreams is what we do.

And this is a simulblog, which means I'm watching in the East and blogging as I'm watching, complete with incoherent thoughts, misspelled names and, basic craziness, with publishing at every significant break, so if you want to be surprised, this is NOT the place to be. Until, maybe, tomorrow. Then come back and dish with the rest of us.

Because the show's getting ready to start!

Everyone is dressed in black and white as Ryan reminds us that this is the most talented group of contestants we've ever seen in the whole history of the universe. Sorry Ryan, but the last two nights have totally disproved that notion. But whatever.

Paula tries to justify the experience criticism that has been levied at the show of late by charging that if the kids haven't tried to break into the business by this time, they don't deserve to be in the show, or something of that nonsensical nature. And they're still pimping Daughtry as they present us a music video of the kids to yet another Daughtry soundtrack.

Note to Idol: Daughtry was 4th. Two seasons ago. He's a star now.

And it's a group sing! YAY! This explains the wardrobe coordination. And the hairstyles. I would try to explain this, but it defies explanation. It must be seen to be fully appreciated. Seriously.

Peace man. Totally groovy.

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And we're back and down to business. First up in the firing squad are the guys. Yippee.

We get shown a retrospective of the first night of competition. Geesh Idol, that night is ingrained in my mind. No need to refresh my memory. But whatever.

The guys get one more round of applause before Ryan calls Garrett to the stage, where he's drop kicked from the show amid idle chit-chat. Good call America. He gets to re-sing the song that done him in. The guys stand; the girls dab tears. It's so sad. So sad.

I love this show.

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Now it's time to excise one of the ladies. And, once more, we're reminded of the flu-ridden, semi-decent episode that was last night.

Kristy Lee gets called to the stage, but is told she's safe. And as she's sitting, Amy gets the tragic news. She's yesterday's star. Good call America.

And, lucky for us, she gets to sing us to sleep, bravely trying to keep from falling apart. Poor kid.

Sometimes I hate this show.

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Maybe you've heard. Paula has a new single and a video. Randy produced it. They pimp it. Enough said.

And they're back to the women, and Ryan calls up Joanne and Amanda. He warns them that the remaining girls are safe, leaving one of them the dead woman singing. And then he breaks. I hate when he does that.

waiting... waiting... I like the dog tail-wagging commercial... waiting...

And as we return from a half-hour of commercials, Ryan wastes no time in reminding the girls of their critiques before telling Amanda that she's safe, leaving Joanne on the stage to sing her funeral song, while the girls on the sofa cry and cry and cry.

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The guys are back on the sofa of death. Ryan calls for Chikeze and Colton. Both are reminded of their reviews from the night before. Ryan admits it's a tough night before telling Colton to hit the road.

He's trying to hold it together as his family looks on and Paula gives him the rah-rah speech.

I'm not having problems with three of the four, and Colton was bound to leave before the finals, but I think he deserved at least one more week. Alas.

So, agree? Disagree? Share your thoughts.