let's rock the house: a finale simulblog...

It's all come down to this night and with two hours of surprises, music, dancing, it's probably going to be anti-climactic to watch the confetti fall. But we'll love every moment of this tradition cheese-fest known as the finale.

Because THIS is American Idol.

And this is a final simulblog, written as I'm watching, unless, of course, I'm crying, in which case I will have to wait until I stop doing that, so ignore the typos and the misspellings, forget you saw the misplaced commas or the poor grammar and, if you're in the west and you want to be surprised, this is not the place to be, because I'll be clicking the send button at every significant break in the action.

Hold on to your goudas, folks, the cheese is about to begin.

[personal note: we've got thunderstorms headed our way. if I lose power it better be after Elliott or there will be hell to pay.]

Carrie Underwood starts the show, joined by Taylor and Katharine with I Made it Through the Rain and they're joined by all the kids, dressed in traditional Brady Bunch white and the choir from last night, only tonight dressed in all black, as the show cues the traditional opening credits. Short but sweet song, just the way I like them, especially when there are about 50 people are singing together.

Ryan says they estimate 200 million folks all over the world are watching. We get to go to Birmingham with the O'Donahue twins. (Remember Becky?) And we get to hear from Tamyra Gray at Universal City in Los Angeles.

Paris starts off with Al Jarreau and they're terrific with We're In This Love Together. The whole song! It's not going to be a medley this year! YAY!


Paris and Al Jarreau

[how appropriate that they are running Super Bowl commercials, considering advertisers paid nearly the same price...]

Time for Chris and Live. Oh my goodness. They really do look alike! I don't know if I'd know who was who 'cept Chris has that wallet chain thing. I think this song is called Mystery (correct if wrong, please). Very nice harmonizing. The crowd goes crazy. They won't shut up.

Shut up crowd.


Chris with Live

The comedy break is a food mentoring session for Pickler with Wolfgang Puck, entitled Puck and Pickler. I'm telling ya, this girl needs to forget singing and hit the sitcom circuit. Forget calimari, she's eating escargot. Very appropriate remembrance of the Pick.

It's Meatloaf!! I love Meatloaf. And he's with Katharine. And the two would be completely at home on a Broadway stage singing It's All Coming Back to Me Now. I gotta be honest, Kat is great, but Meat is scaring me a little.

But Kat's mom's dress is scaring me more.


Kat with Meatloaf

[break]

We return with the traditional revisiting/humiliation of the crappy auditioners. (Damn, and here I had wiped the memory of that over-tanned, over-lipsticked girl from Chicago. Damn this show!) And yes, I was afraid Crazy Dave would be back. And he was.

Alas.

[break]

It's the BOYS! And they're taking care of business, complete with harmonica. I am loving this. Loving. This. They were FAB!


The Boys...

Kat and Taylor get their Chevys. Uhh, I mean Fords.

Claudette Yamin gets the award for best parent moment and introduces "her" Elliott with Mary J. Blige. Elliott sounds good. Mary J. Blige sounds good. Unfortunately for Elliott, she pretty much drowns him out until the end of One, but an awesome performance nonetheless. Anything Elliott does is awesome.


Elliott with Mary J. Blige

Carrie Underwood performs her new single Don't Forget to Remember Me. Gosh, she is pretty. I like her much better now than I did last year.

I don't even want to talk about Rhonetta, the silver tube top twit. I swear if they bring out the Brittendumbs, I may go over the edge.

It's Taylor's turn, and he's with Toni Braxton with In the Ghetto. Uh, very nice, even though it was too short. But Taylor's got more singing, so he's saving his voice. I don't know what the hell Toni Braxton was doing.

Time for the Girlz Rule number, featuring all the girls, but overly starring Katharine.

And the Clay Aiken moment is, without a doubt, one of the best moments I have ever seen on a finale. That does it. This is the best finale ever. Best. Ever.

Time to drag out Burt Bacharach with the kids as they do a promising medley of his greatest hits. Taylor/Katharine pair up. So do Ace/Melissa, who is gorgeous! Pickler gets to solo, followed by Bucky. And I understand every word! Go Bucky! Mandisa gets Supreme-like backup from Paris, Pickler and Melissa and reminds us why she was a finalist. Lisa gets to hang at the piano with Burt and sings a fraction of Alfie better than she sang the whole time she was in the competition. Elliott gets A House is Not a Home and I think I'm going to melt. Seriously. Poor Kev has to follow that, but he's surrounded by the girls and looks so cute that nobody cares. And he sounds great too. He's having a blast.

Kevin is joined by Chris and Ace for The Best that You Can Do. And Paris channels Karen Carpenter with Close to You. Gosh these guys are tearing up the stage. And to think we were robbed of group numbers all season.

Paris introduces Dionne Warwick. Now that is an artist. Take notes kids. This is how it's done.

Best finale ever.

The next "Idol Award" is for best male bonding. Nominees: Ace and Chris; Ryan and Taylor and the Brokeback Cowbodys. Oh, Garet's gotta get this next award. Garet's just gotta be there. Pleeeeeeze.....

YAY! YAY!! The Brokenote Cowboys, starring Garet, get to perform. YAY! And they sound pretty good too.

Ryan does some time-eating nonsense, promising no more surprises, so we know "the surprise" is coming. But I did not see that coming.

It's Prince! The man who hates this show! And it's a great performance too! Bonus! (But, of course, appearing on this show for 90 seconds is worth about a million dollars in CD sales, so if given the choice between integrity and bucks...) And while the performance was great, it was kinda gratuitous, not tied in with the kids in any way. I like Prince, but I would have preferred another surprise.

[break]

Taylor and Kat (in a stunning gown) join up with The Time of My Life, the traditional duet. Now, of course, I'm wanting to see some dirty dancing, complete with overhead lift. I think Kat can hold him up. Well, okay. They do their best little poor-man's imitation of the dance. And on a duet scale of bad to good, I give it a meh.

Ryan says 63 million votes were cast last night. Well, none of them were from me, I don't think, cause I couldn't get through. Ryan says that's more votes than have ever been cast for a U.S. president. True, but unfortunately we're not allowed to vote a gazillion times for the prez.

Time for the announcement. And it's....

TAYLOR, like anybody had any doubts.

Aww. David Hasselhoff is weeping. And Taylor's acceptance speech consists of two words.

Soul Patrol. He looks so happy. There are tears in his eyes.

One more time with the crappy coronation song, soon to be coated with confetti.

Way to go Taylor.