beelzebub has a devil put aside for me...

The corn is popped. The adult beverages are on ice. The aspirin bottle has been dechildfied and the mantra to the rock gods have been chanted. Freddie Mercury, please forgive them for what they're gonna do.

Coming to you LIVE from Hollywood, it's a trainwreck! And I hope Paula's brought enough drugs for the entire class.

Okay, the expectation is a disaster of epic Idol proportions, and, considering what this group of Idols has given us thus far, it's not an unreasonable suspicion. How sad it is when a group of people get literally giddy over the prospect of carnage. But dang, it's better than the mediocre sap we've endured over the last few weeks.

So it wasn't the trainwreck I was fearing or hoping for, but it certainly won't qualify as one of the best episodes ever either. But then, I fear this season won't even come close to qualifying as the least boring.

Long live the Queen.

Here they are, my early impressions, subject to rewind and revision and, as always, from worst to first:

Ace is told during rehearsals with Queen that Brian May just "can't do that - not to his own song." Brian probably wishes Ace hadn't done that to We Will Rock You either. When he doesn't forget the words he forgets the key. Oh Ace. I wish you hadn't done that too. The judges wish you hadn't done that either. Ace, your cute brother wishes you hadn't done that. Ace, honey, it may just be time to fold 'em.

Pickler decides to try arguably the most popular song ever, complete with leather rocker chick look. She does the Pickler bump and grind and finishes it off with the Pickler knee drop and Pickler wink, leaving me pretty much unaffected. The judges tell her she made it work, in the typical Pickler pimp. I give it a Pickler Bohemian Rhapsody whatever.

Katharine explains that she did a last-minute switcheroo once Mandisa got the ax and performs Who Wants to Live Forever. She gets all backlighted with a great smoky atmosphere and, despite some really bad notes and some irritating screeching, does a decent job with the ballad.

Chris gets all the strobe bells and whistles yet again, singing the "obscure" Innuendo, not covered, that we know of, by Live, Creed or anyone else but Queen. He sounds pretty much like Chris, nothing terribly distinctive or unique or mind-altering, but Randy and Paula drool. Simon again uses the indulgent word and chastises him for cheating the audience out of "a moment." Me? Hell, even I can yell a song and call it a song.

Bucky's in the lead-off position after anchoring last time and doesn't let me down with Fat Bottomed Girls. It's probably the first time I've seen him actually look like he's having a great time. Randy and Paula say yea. Simon says mediocre. Simon, I've heard mediocre. This was better than that.

Taylor is back! Despite a missed mic stand kick, he spazzes all over the stage, all over the catwalk and all over hearts everywhere with Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Randy is relieved the real Taylor has been returned unharmed. Paula calls him fresh air and Simon asks if he's drunk.

Elliott admittedly performs the most difficult of the songs with Somebody to Love, and despite that lingering stiffness, some missed notes and a totally shortchanged ending, helps save the tailend of this performance episode.

Paris takes on the emotional The Show Must Go On, the song recorded and written in the months preceding Freddie's death. She takes a strident and somewhat angry approach to the song, but performs it nicely, with enough maturity to bely her youth. The judges are mixed. I'm impressed, probably for the first time, with Paris.

Okay, those are mine. What are yours?

ag: american idol