Wednesday, May 11, 2005

SIMULBLOG: I Land in the Stream


Next week it's nine songs -- three from each of the remaining contestants. So three will spend the next week memorizing, practicing, preening and traveling home to be the hometown star.

Which of these four are we spared from next week?

Ryan, looking exceptionally Republican introduces the less than giddy kids and probably says the most obvious line in Idol history. "They know who they like," he says, while pointing to the judges. Well, no kidding, Dick Tracy.

Oh good. We get to relive the country, soul, death and destruction from the evening before. And yay! It's time for the group sing. Is four a group? I mean, ten is a group. Four is like a quartet. And a quartet is not a group.

Oh they're stringing out this country salute to Carrie, by forcing them to become little Kenny Rogerses and little Dolly Partons. It's an Island in the Stream, filled with partner swapping, hand holding and the Bo stage, which, by the way, has become quite a lonely place recently. Not a bad effort, though.

And it's the FORD spot! My favorite part! Squirrelly hair spot! I'm nauseous. But I liked the commercial.

With only a quartet (which is not a group) we obviously have a whole group of minutes to waste. So, what better way to waste them than to do an Idol flashback to the kids' auditions. Gee was that really five months ago? Feels like five years.

The Vonz is first. Oh! I had forgotten the different colored shoes. She sang Chain of Fools. Very colorfully. Next is Anthony, who sang a song about angels. Oh, I remember LL Cool J! He was a great judge, giving out hugs all around.

We get to see Carrie, fresh from the farm, again. And then, it's Bo's turn. His is the one audition no one has ever seen. And he sang Whipping Post, something we didn't know until tonight. And they called him Harold. That's right. He's Harold.

Ryan starts the big tease, showing the kids and everyone else, the VIP card which will carry three of them, in private jets, to their hometowns tomorrow so that their mayors can get all dressed up and the homefolk can give them banners, balloons and keys to the city. Or to the town. Or the farm. Whatever. Then, of course, he waves the single one-way lower class ticket to wherever is furthest from Hollywood.

Time for the execution. Bo is sent to safety. Grandmom is jumping out of her bloomers. Carrie is sent to join him on the couch. She shows more personality than she ever has on stage, as she jumps triumphantly into Harold's arms.

That leaves Anthony and the Vonz. Ryan lets Baby V twist in the wind, in his newly-favorite "I want the loser to think it's you before I kick him in the stomach" act, lets Vonz off the hook and sticks it squarely into Anthony's back. Then sticks the plane ticket in his pocket.

We see the funeral footage, and we see Carrie checking the camera to cry on cue, the band totally messes up Anthony's swan song, but what does he care? He ain't competing no more.

Nice run Anthony.

Until next week.

Simulblog out!

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Thanks Rob for the awesome image!