Friday, January 13, 2006

when you wish upon a show...

My friend Dave has come up with his annual Wish List for the new season of American Idol, so I'm admitting here and now that I ripped this idea straight from his blog. The idea is his; the wishes are mine.

As we inch nearer to Tuesday night and the launch of season five, I can't help but reflect back and look forward at the same time.

Here's my Wish List.

1. I want them back in da house. You know, da mansion on the hill? With the swimming pool and the game room? That was a big part of the fun, watching them get to know each other offstage, lounging by the pool, hanging out in the kitchen, trying to figure out what a colander is and what it's used for. Even those cheesy, barely bearable Old Navy and Herbal Essence commercials were fun, in a trainwreck sort of way.

I missed the house last season, when they shuttled the top 12 off to individual apartments, rarely showing us a glimpse of who was rooming with whom. Now I do understand that with the raise in the age requirements, forcing a nearly-30 Bo and Constantine to share quarters, no matter how large, with a 16-year-old Mikalah (ouch, it still hurts to write her name) and her mommy would have been awkward and annoying, but c'mon. This show isn't about them; it's about us, and the fun we have laughing at their annoyances.

2. I want fewer audition episodes. (Okay, I know that wish has a snowball's chance in Hell, considering the schedule's already been released, but dammit, it's my blog, so I can wish if I want.) How about one week's worth. The whole week, if they insist. Two hours a night, Monday through Friday. Show all the Keiths, the Roaches, the Mimes and the William Hungs they want, and let the viewers who like those episodes have a field day. Then get on with the game.

Spend more footage in Hollywood, not on cat fights and drunken parties, but on the group performances which always crack me up. The producers know the top 24. They don't have to give away the punchline to show us all of them. That way we can know to root for a Melinda, a LaToya, a Kelly and a Bo, if we want, rather than just having them show up on our screens, out of the blue, on final 24 night. We can cheer when they make it, rather than raise our eyebrows and wonder where in the hell these people came from.

Plus it takes away that whiny "I didn't get any exposure and that's why nobody voted for me" excuse.

3. I want a final 12 that can sing. But I still want one or two that I can make fun of. Sure, I've complained and whined and threatened lawsuits over a few final contestants in the past, you know, like, ummm, Ryan Starr, Carmen, Josh, Corey, JPL, John Stevens, Camile, Leah, Jasmine, oh hell, half of season three's, Mikalah, Lindsey and Anthony, but at least I had somebody to make fun of. A final 12 without a clunker now and then just wouldn't be American Idol. But please, no repeats of season three's final group, half of which couldn't hold a note in a double-bagged grocery sack.

4. I want Ryan to shut up.

5. I want Paula to act all crazy and stuff. She gives me my best material. And it is all about me, remember?

6. If they're going to go with themes (which I hope and pray they do because I love themes!!) I want them to stick with the themes and not make "special exemptions" for "special contestants." If it's Big Band Night, for instance, don't let the judges' pet sing something by Queen. (Remember Fantasia?) Or if it's 70s Dance Tunes Night, refuse to allow a favored one to whip out Vehicle. (Hello Bo?) Stick with the program or skip the program altogether.

7. If Simon has a favorite, I want him to keep her name to himself. What the hell fun is it to watch week after week when during week two Simon issues the proclamation that the very special one will sell more records than all of the other Idols combined.

Talk about giving away the punchline. And the farm.

8. I want Ryan to shut up.

9. I want a limit (kind of like Dancing with the Stars) of how many telephone calls can be made per phone line. Yes, yes, I know that will reduce the very treasured results night pat on the back for one hundred thousand million billion phone calls, but tough noogies. I still prefer the "vote for" policy over the "vote against" policy because it's a positive spin in a negative world, but dang, I can't keep up with the tweens and their Hello Kitty phones, dialing straight through two hours of open lines, just to keep my contestant in the running against the hottie boy band wannabe.

10. I want my favorite to win.

So, that's my list. What are your wishes?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have too mant wishes.

I want my fav to win too.

I love what youve here to the blog, all the audio and everything.

you go girl!


10:32 AM, January 14, 2006  
Blogger jennifer said...

Thanks Meg. I've been working hard on it, trying to get ready for the new season.

Can't wait!!

11:29 AM, January 14, 2006  
Blogger Nelle said...

Wow the blog is awesome with all the music here. I can't wait for Tuesday. I really got into it last season and even though Bo didn't win....I an anxious to meet the new hopefuls. :)

2:50 PM, January 14, 2006  
Anonymous bea said...

Hey, I just found out about THIS blog! while I was reading your OTHER blog... I like this one too, and I love American Idol. I do agree about them showing too much of the audition... I want to see a little, then get on with the picks, and lets hear them sing, lets watch them change and improve over the weeks that follow, so we can make our predictions, and follow them, and change them if we want to. I'll be back to read your blog, probably both of them. Thanks, Jennifer. Bea

10:18 PM, January 16, 2006  
Blogger Tammy said...

I want #2 and # 9 the most!

4:19 PM, January 17, 2006  

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