Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!

I want tonight to be the biggest shocker in the history of American Idol. I do. That's what I want.

I want a tie.

That way next week we can have a repeat of last night, but without the silly judges picks. (Speaking of which, I couldn't help but snort at Randy telling Carrie what a great song selection that was. Geesh. It was his selection, for heaven's sake. What else is he gonna say? "It was the wrong song, dude!"? And what was up with Simon criticizing Bo's song choice, as if Bo had a say in Satisfaction?)

I have sensed a changing of the "Carrie will win this thing and sell more CDs than any person ever since Thomas Edison invented the phonograph" tide. But could it have been more obvious last night? The women, it seemed, couldn't catch a break. Oh sure, they got their fair share of hyperbole - Vonzell, that was the best vocal in recorded history! Oh Carrie, why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? - but it seemed at every turn, for Carrie especially, she had to hear the name of Bo during each critique. "Round one to Bo!" Simon tells her after possibly her best performance this season. Then, "musta been tough following Bo," they tell her during the second circuit. I swear I think I'd rather hear them tell me how bad I was rather than how great the other guy was.

Carrie has just been renamed Jan Brady. It's all about Marcia-Bo. Bo! Bo! Bo!

Clive knows he and Bo will make beautiful music together. Randy whips out his dawgpound septer and anoints him Dawgpounder Emeritus. Simon invites him to play at his wedding. (And don't you just want to go to one of those weddings Simon attends?) Paula...well, Paula pants, and stuffs her cellphone back into her purse where it belongs.

Some things just never change with this show.

So who's going to hit the pavement and start rehearsals for the Brady Bunch group number the final twelve will sing next week? And who's going to start trying to come up with three more songs to sing -- alone, with or without big band -- for the last time?

Common sense says it's gonna be Vonzell, considering Carrie has never seen the bottom of anything and Bo is the chosen one. Were the Vonz to leapfrog over Carrie into the finale and throw a five-inch heeled wrench into the master plan, the judges are likely to be merciless in their wrath next week. And in all fairness, assessing the women, side by side, last night, Vonzell had the weaker outing -- by a note.

But I wouldn't be surprised, much less shocked, if the Fanzells, aided by some errant Anthony and Scott fans and some Bo fans worried about his main competitor for the crown, took to the phone lines like fleas to a dog, and, by some miracle or muscle, outdial the Carebears to oust Miss Oklahoma. I highly doubt that the Carrie voters, after hearing less than glowing remarks for their girl at the same time watching the lovefest with Bo, are going to relax their efforts to keep Carrie in the game, though.

Which begs the question: is this really a singing competition? Or is this an endurance dialing one?

Which brings us to Bo. Bo was great. Bo was perfect. Bo was brave. Bo was Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! He's in. Shoo-in in. So maybe I'll throw a few votes in for the Vonz. Or go out for pizza. Or watch House. Nothing breeds complacency and confidence like a good performance. Might it be possible that the Bo fans laid off the phone lines enough to allow both women to sneak past him tonight. Possible, of course. But probable?

Anything can happen. And sometimes does. This is why I want a tie.

Should be bottom three: Vonzell, Carrie, Bo.
(And I will be right. Mark my words.)

Should be singing over the credits: Vonzell.
Will be singing two notes before being rudely and abruptly cut off: Vonzell.

RANT: Enough with the BS filler on results night. What we want, and what they deserve is to be able to sing one entire song before the credits roll. They've given up weeks of their lives to this program, and they are saying goodbye to their friends on the stage and their fans in the audience. It's not too much to ask that Ryan not preen to the judges and waste valuable swan song time.


Blogger jennifer said...


6:43 AM, January 12, 2006  

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Thanks Rob for the awesome image!